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'Vivacity’ by Kevin MacLeod
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
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Does your novel’s narrative have several consecutive snippets of dialogue that reflect a non-viewpoint character’s state of mind? If so, how do you punctuate them? And is there an alternative to using speech marks?
What’s in this post?
The difference between dialogue and narrative
Dialogue is the conversation between two or more characters. It’s what people say out loud and is often indicated by opening and closing quotation marks (or speech marks). Depending on your style of choice, these marks can be either singles ‘blah blah’ or doubles “blah blah”.
Narrative is the telling of the story – how an external narrator or viewpoint character reports on the events taking place in the novel. In the example below, the dialogue between the characters is in quotation marks. The surrounding text is narrative, and through it we learn what the viewpoint character – Milo – is thinking and what he can see and hear as the journey progresses.
Note the following:
Here’s how it might look using US English style:
Note the following:
Using speech snippets as a narrative device
Sometimes the narrative can include snippets of speech to inform readers about a character’s state of mind or a types of behaviours.
Although full sentences are used in the speech snippets, it’s not conventional dialogue. Rather, it’s narrating character’s recollection of utterances that give the reader a flavour of another character’s perspective. Here’s an example punctuated using British English style. Note the following:
And here’s an example punctuated using US English style, which some people might find a little trickier because of the question mark and the punctuation convention. In the three examples below:
Option 1: Allow the question mark to do the separating
Option 2: Recast so that the snippet with a question mark is at the end of the sentence
Option 3: Add a separating comma after the closing quotation mark to emphasize the separation
If you’re an editor who doesn’t have the scope to suggest a recast, I think Option 1 is fine. The question mark acts in place of a separating comma and avoids cluttering punctuation.
Option 3 indicates a clear separation but it’s a break from US-English style and clutters the paragraph with a comma that isn’t strictly needed. Using free indirect speech as an alternative
Free indirect speech (also called free indirect discourse) is an alternative that could work for writers worried about getting tangled up in how to punctuate snippets of direct speech in narrative.
Free indirect speech reads like direct first person dialogue but retains a third-person viewpoint. Here’s how it might work in our example.
Note how I’ve experimented with just a little italic for emphasis – old chap and our lot.
That’s so that although Milo is reporting the kinds of things he heard his boss say, the reader pays attention to the some of the tone of his boss’s voice and some of the language that Milo finds particularly grating. Keeping the text lean and engaging
It’s worth paying attention to how many dialogue snippets you’re using. If they’re in a single sentence of the narrative, there’s a risk the prose won’t flow well and the reader will get lost. In the example I provided above, there were four, and that’s probably about the limit.
So what should you do if you’re passing an editorial eye over a sentence with lots of snippets? Option 1: Can you create the same impact with fewer snippets? Check whether all those snippets need to be there. Are some of them conveying similar information? If that’s the case, could you retain only those necessary to convey the essence of the character’s thought processes to the reader? The example below has eight snippets.
Yes, Adamson might have uttered all of those statements, but capturing the essence of his mindset can be still achieved my omitting at least three of them.
I recommend you pick the utterances that are most powerful. That way, you'll ensure your reader remains engaged. Option 2: Create two sentences from one If editing out some dialogue snippets isn’t an option, try breaking the sentence into two.
Option 3: Mix up dialogue snippets and free indirect speech Another option is to combine two different literary tools – direct speech snippets and free indirect speech. Here’s how it might work.
Again, I experimented with just a little italic to draw attention to Adamson's tone and its grating effect on Milo, and added an action beat in parentheses to highlight Adamson's readiness to break the law.
This option ensures the use of direct speech isn’t overworked, and instead gives the reader a different way to access the information in the narrative about how Adamson’s mind works. Should the snippets be capitalized?
Whether or not you should capitalize the snippets is a style choice. I've chosen to capitalize them in the examples I provided because I wanted to indicate that this is how these full sentences would have been rendered if we'd been shown the actual conversation as it happened.
If I was dealing with partial dialogue, I'd approach the text as in the next example.
Summing up
Using snippets of direct dialogue as a narrative tool can be a superb way of conveying a non-viewpoint character’s mindset and behaviour.
However, writers and their editors need to ensure that readers won’t be tempted to skim. For that reason, pay attention to:
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About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
Want to know how to punctuate dialogue that’s interrupted midstream by an action beat? This post shows you one way of handling it in your fiction writing and editing practice.
What’s in this post?
What is dialogue?
Dialogue is the part of a novel that conveys character speech. It’s more usually set off by opening and closing quotation marks (or speech marks).
Depending on your style of choice, these marks can be either singles (‘blah blah’) or doubles (“blah blah”). It’s more common to see double quotation marks used for books written in US-English style, and single marks used for books written in British-English style, but this is a convention rather than a rule. Consistency is what authors and editors aim for, so make your choice and stick with it. What is an action beat?
An action beat is a short description that comes before, between or just after dialogue. It assists dialogue by telling readers about how a character interacts with their environment while they’re speaking, and is useful for showing rather than telling readers how a character is feeling.
That’s particularly useful when the narrative style is limited to the perspective of a single viewpoint character, a common and effective style of writing for many commercial fiction authors. Examples of dialogue with action beats
Below are three examples of character speech. Note how the action beats help ground the character in their environment and help the reader understand how that character is feeling.
In these examples, I’ve placed the action beats in the middle of the dialogue so you can focus on how the various beats I’ve chosen convey different emotions to the reader: frustration in the first, contemplation in the second, and boredom in the third.
Note that none of these action beats are interrupting the speaker midstream. When they do, the punctuation can become a little more challenging.
Midstream dialogue interruptions: Using dashes
When authors want to interrupt the speech midstream with an action beat, a common approach is to punctuate with parenthetical dashes.
This is not the law, not a rule, not the only way or the right way. It’s just the style that many publishers and independent authors choose to follow and that readers are used to seeing. Again, consistency is recommended so that readers aren’t unnecessarily distracted. Example 1 Here’s an example written in British-English style, using spaced en dashes and single quotation marks.
And here it is again in US-English style, using closed-up em dashes and double quotation marks.
Example 2 Here’s an example written in British-English style, using spaced en dashes and single quotation marks. This time we’re dealing with an additional punctuation mark: the ellipsis.
Which case to use: Upper or lower?
The action beats contained within the parenthetical dashes don’t start with a capital letter. Instead, the convention asks for lower case because the text is interrupting the dialogue midstream. Avoiding three consecutive punctuation marks
At one point In Example 2 above, there are three punctuation marks in a row: an ellipsis, a quotation mark, and a dash. That’s not something that would bother me because I can see the function each has:
However, some authors feel uncomfortable with multiple punctuation marks. If that’s you, you could try the following: 1. Remove the ellipsis and let the reader insert their own pause Without the ellipsis, it’s not as clear to the reader if the scrolling is happening at the same time as the character is speaking or if she takes a pause, but does it really matter? In this case, probably not.
2. Tell (rather than show) the pause If an author feels it’s absolutely necessary for the reader to know about the pause but doesn’t want to show it with an ellipsis, they could tell it (she paused). Some might consider this a less elegant solution – a little wordy perhaps – but most readers likely won’t bat an eyelid unless those told pauses and hesitations are littering a text.
Summing up
As always, bear in mind that punctuation conventions are useful and helpful ... until they mess with rhythm and mood. The guidance I’m offering is just that – guidance. It’s not a prescriptive set of rules you must follow.
If you want to interrupt dialogue midstream with action beats, try setting off the beat with dashes. The choice of whether to use single or double quotation marks and spaced en dashes or closed-up em dashes is the author’s (or the publisher’s). If you’re a freelance fiction editor, check what your client’s style preferences are. Once the style choice has been made, go for consistency so that readers can concentrate on immersing themselves in the story rather than untangling the punctuation. Related line-craft resourcesAbout Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
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'Vivacity’ by Kevin MacLeod
Find out how to balance the scenes in a crime novel or thriller by using different types of beats that help readers understand the fictional world they’re immersed in. There's a free sample scene analysis too!
What’s in this post?
5 types of beats in the fiction writer’s and editor’s toolbox
Fiction writers, and the editors who support them, can use different types of beats to make a scene interesting: emotion, action, inaction, description and dialogue beats.
All have their place. Here’s how each works to create a more fully rounded scene. I’ve focused on examples from crime fiction and thrillers, but the advice below could equally be applied to other genres. Emotion beats
Emotion beats tell readers how the viewpoint character is feeling. They bring sensibility to a scene.
A viewpoint character is the character from whose perspective we experience the story. In first-person-limited and third-person-limited narratives, readers have access to what’s going on inside their heads – for example, their emotions, thoughts and decision-making processes. Access to this internal space helps us empathize with them and make sense of their motivations. That doesn’t mean we have to like them, but we do understand them. And that brings them to life and makes them more interesting.
Example from published fiction
Adrian McKinty, The Chain, Orion, 2020 (Kindle version, Chapter 1)
Action beats
Action beats help readers imagine how a character is physically behaving and can give us insights into the environment and the person’s traits. They bring movement to a scene.
Perhaps a viewpoint character stands up because the overly soft chair is making their sciatica play up; maybe an object’s being discussed, and they push it away in disgust; or perhaps they rub their bare feet across the rough pile of a rug in order to soothe themselves in an unformattable situation. These beats are particularly useful when an author wants to convey emotions being experienced by a non-viewpoint character whose internal head-space isn’t accessible in limited narrative styles. Perhaps wiping sweat off their forehead indicates they’re feeling nervous, or their fidgeting with a beer mat indicates boredom.
Example from published fiction
Harlan Coben, Win, Arrow, 2021 (Kindle edition, Chapter 1)
Inaction beats
Inaction beats are pauses, hesitations and moments of silence or stillness. Even when these are short, they help the reader understand pace. They bring breathing space to a scene.
They’re powerful because they can show rather than tell more than one character’s contemplation, consideration, indecision, or shock. The prose might state the stillness or silence directly, or it can be nuanced and come in the form of a character’s taking stock of a situation or bracing themselves for a potential upset.
Example from published fiction
Kate Hamer, The Girl in the Red Coat, Faber & Faber, 2015 (Kindle edition, Chapter 6)
Description beats
Description beats give readers objective information about the character or environment. They bring stability to a scene.
They help readers understand what characters are wearing, what they look like, what’s surrounding them, what they can hear, see, smell, touch or taste. That brings the scene alive.
Example from published fiction
Harlan Coben, Win, Arrow, 2021 (Kindle edition, Chapter 1)
Dialogue beats
Dialogue beats tell readers what characters are saying and let readers hear those distinct voices in action. Vocal speech can be heard, and so dialogue beats bring expression to a scene.
Like action beats, dialogue is an opportunity to bring depth to non-viewpoint characters in limited narrative styles. Their internal opinions and feelings – which we don’t have access to because we’re not in their heads – are revealed to us.
Example from published fiction
Adrian McKinty, The Chain, Orion, 2020 (Kindle version, Chapter 1)
Why mixing up beats makes scenes more interesting
Too much of anything is rarely a good thing, and the same applies to a novel’s beats. When a scene’s constructed primarily around a particular type of beat, there’s a risk the reader will become frustrated and lose interest.
Writers and their publishing teams can use the drafting and editing stages to analyse the prose and evaluate whether there’s sufficient balance. How to analyse a scene for beat balance
Must all 5 beats be introduced? No, certainly not. There’s no formula to writing compelling fiction. Good line craft means making a judgement about what’s missing and what might be added.
APPROACH 1 One way of approaching this is to think not in terms of the different types of beats but instead in terms of what they contribute, and whether there’s too much or too little. And so writers and their editors can ask: Which of the following should the reader experience in this scene, and are they present? Here’s a summary of those elements:
Example: Is too much expression dampening the scene? An over-reliance on dialogue – even if it’s extremely well written – leaves a reader with no nudges about the emotions characters are experiencing or the environment they’re operating in. It’s two or more talking heads on a page. If there should be expression in the scene, but the characters are chattering too much, think how you might turn the volume down, or at least disrupt it. Consider introducing a few action, description and emotion beats. Or even turn some of the information contained within the speech into narrative. Example: Is too much stability flattening the scene? An over-reliance on objective description – even if it gives the reader a rich sense of the environment – leaves readers with no way of accessing mood. It’s a menu of what’s where. Description should stabilise the scene, not crush it so that it’s as flat as a pancake. Help readers get under the skin of the characters and their environment by adding emotion or dialogue, or a little action that gives the scene some movement.
APPROACH 2
Another option is to colour-code the text in a scene according to what type of beats are in play. This can help authors and editors evaluate whether one type of beat is overbearing, and where they might add in additional types of beat to disrupt that dominance. It's a powerful way of communicating the problem visually and quickly. Summing up
Using different types of beats in a scene helps readers to understand where the character is, what’s around them, how they feel and what’s important to them. Over-reliance on one type can lead to boredom and frustration; mix things up to keep them interested and turning the page.
Download a free beats booklet
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About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
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Summary of Episode 103
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'Vivacity’ by Kevin MacLeod
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
Find out why the concept of conscious language is foundational to professional fiction-editing practice.
What’s in this post …
What is ‘conscious language’?
Karen Yin, founder of Conscious Style Guide, defines conscious language as ‘language rooted in critical thinking and compassion, used skilfully in a specific context'. Using conscious language involves, she says, asking ourselves the following:
‘But I’m not part of the “woke” brigade’
Conversations about ‘conscious language’ are welcomed by many in the editing community. Now and then, however, these result in references being made to the ‘woke brigade’ from some quarters.
Oxford Dictonaries defines ‘woke’ as: Alert to injustice and discrimination in society, especially racism.
Merriam-Webster suggests: Aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice).
Neither mention that the term is sometimes used as a slur against people who are judged to be overly politically correct, over-sensitive, overly concerned with not offending, overly prescriptive.
So must editors be ‘woke’? How we answer that will depend on what we think editors are supposed to do. The foundations of editing
Editing at its very foundations requires us to actively think about the words on the page and whether they’re doing what the author intends.
Since how we approach language will be influenced by the bubble of our own lived experience, editorial practice requires listening to others who offer alternative insights – ones we were perhaps previously unaware of – into the meaning of words and the consequences of their use. It means allowing our prior assumptions to be challenged, to consider that what we thought we understood might need revising. And it means opening our minds to the opportunities that are already alive in the English language – words that explain rather than exclude, and that are rich in both sense and sensibility. If, like me, you’re not keen on the term ‘woke’ because its negative usage has become a distraction, try an alternative. My preference is ‘professional editor’. Are you part of the professional editing brigade?
Conscious language serves authors – the people who pay editors – and serves readers – the people who pay authors.
The professional editor who isn’t alert to wording that distracts from the message rather than amplifying that message isn’t doing the job that a professional editor is supposed to do: being paid to help the author prepare their book for readers. And so regardless of the editor’s personal opinion on this word or that word, regardless of whether the editor uses the term ‘woke’ to describe their mindset or to cast a slur, there’s a business case for conscious language. The professional editor can’t sidestep that because it’s not about us, and it’s not our book. It’s about the author, and it’s their book. Why conscious language is also about successful authoring
Readers aren’t homogenous – they don’t all live in the same country, speak the same English, or spell with the same letters. They aren’t wrapped in the same skin, don’t share the same sexual orientation, practise the same faith, have identical anatomies or have one set of homogenous secondary sex characteristics.
Most authors want to sell as many books as they can. That means engaging as many readers as they can. Engaged readers focus their attention on story. Novels containing words and phrases that distract from story, rather amplifying it, don’t serve authors. Deliberately reviewing novels for words and phrases that might disengage a chunk of the potential readership is therefore nothing more than good commercial practice, and it’s the editor’s job to support the author who’s striving to create something that will give them a return on their investment. Why conscious language is about consideration rather than prescription
When we ask our clients to consider the impact of a particular word, we’re not prescribing ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. We’re helping them make informed decisions predicated on an acknowledgement that not all words in the English language have a single, universally accepted meaning.
The meaning we attach to some words might differ depending on, for example, where we live, how old we are, and how we’re racialised, sexualized and gendered by others. In other words, what I mean when I use a word might not be what you mean when you use that word.
A case study
My author is a white British man. I know very little else about his identity but I’ve line edited two books for him and thoroughly enjoyed every moment. In the second project, a viewpoint character uses the word ‘thug’ to describe an unpleasant minor character. In Britain, the word ‘thug’ isn’t racialized (at the time of writing and as far as I’m aware) – meaning the term isn’t typically assigned to a particular racial group. That’s not the case in America, where, I’ve learned, the term is heavily racialized. My author is British. His characters are British. His book’s setting is Britain. The term ‘thug’ in that context therefore doesn’t jar … as long as we view the project within that bubble of author–character–location. However, that’s potentially problematic. There’s something missing from that bubble: the people who’ll determine whether my author’s book is a commercial success – readers. My author’s keen to sell his books all over the world, including into America, and for that reason I suggested some alternatives to the word ‘thug’, and explained why I think he’d do well to choose one of them. The choice was his because it’s his book. And he decided to heed the guidance because both books I’ve worked on have explored the impact of predatory behaviour and abuse. He writes with compassion and mindfulness, and says he doesn’t want to include a word in his book that might distract one of his American readers unless it’s critical to the character’s arc. And in doing so he's considered:
Helping our clients
A conscious-language approach to editing therefore helps us to help our clients. We can share the knowledge we’ve acquired from our colleagues in the publishing community, knowledge that our authors might not be aware of. And in doing so, they can publish a book that keeps its audience wanting to turn the pages rather than rip them out. Summing up
If you think conscious language is a load of old ‘woke’ codswallop, consider whether editing is the right job for you. Editors are required at the very core of their practice to consider the purpose and effectiveness of the words in front of them.
That doesn’t mean we have to know it all – we can’t, not least because the language landscape is always in flux. It does mean we have to be ready to listen, learn, and advise so that our clients can make informed – conscious – decisions. And we don’t have to do it alone. There’s a large and diverse community of editors and writers who are with us on that journey, and tools to help us improve our practice. Tools that help with conscious language
Listen to podcast episodes and download a free booklet with links to useful resources created by people in the publishing community who are passionate about language and alert to its power.
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
Writers can place dialogue tags before, between and after speech – there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Tag-first speech does have a different feel to it though, particularly when the construction is used frequently. This post explores the impact on your novel.
In this post ...
Read on to find out more about the following:
What a dialogue tag is
A dialogue tag is the short piece of text that tells a reader that a character is speaking, and which character is speaking. For example:
In the above examples, the tags are shown in bold and comprise the subject (someone’s name or their pronoun) doing the speaking, and the verb from which the reader can infer that the action of speech is taking place. Commonly used effective verbs include ‘said’, ‘asked’, ‘replied’, ‘whispered’, ‘muttered’, ‘yelled’, ‘continued’ and ‘added’. Ineffective dialogue tags use verbs that bring to mind action that’s not related precisely to speech but to some other behaviour. Examples include ‘sneered’, ‘grimaced’, ‘laughed’, ‘harrumphed’, ‘huffed’, ‘sighed’, ‘snarled’ and ‘urged’. Positioning tags in fiction:
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‘I won’t be long,’ Bond said, opening the door.
(Boyd: Solo) |
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“Me and Jaymie will call it. You want your boy to go too?” he said.
(Crosby: Blacktop Wasteland) |
Mid-loaded dialogue tags
Mid-loaded tags come between the speech. They, too, are a popular choice for writers. Consider this option in the following circumstances:
- Length: The dialogue stream is longer and you want to ensure your readers don’t wait too long to discover who’s speaking.
- Rhythm and context: You want to introduce a natural pause so that the speech doesn’t turn into a monologue. You can also supplement the tag with descriptive action that grounds the dialogue in the environment and helps the reader picture the scene.
- Impact level: You’ve written a witty, suspenseful or impactful punchline into the dialogue and don’t want it interrupted or flattened by a tag.
- Interrupted speech: You’ve written speech that’s interrupted abruptly and don’t want the tag interfering with the interrupter’s speech.
EXAMPLE 1
This first example is from David Rosenfeld's Collared.
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“Andy,” Laurie says, draping her arm around me. "We love you deeply. As far as Ricky and I are concerned, the sun rises and sets on you. And it is from that place of love and that place of the rising and setting sun that we say this to you: 'Sign the damn form and send it in.'"
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Notice how in the above example of single-character dialogue, which comprises a total of 51 words, the impact point is with the closing sentence: ‘Sign the damn form and send it in’. Because the tag’s located earlier, that dialogue gets to shine.
Compare the original with this version, which I’ve given a back-loaded tag:
Compare the original with this version, which I’ve given a back-loaded tag:
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“Andy, we love you deeply. As far as Ricky and I are concerned, the sun rises and sets on you. And it is from that place of love and that place of the rising and setting sun that we say this to you: 'Sign the damn form and send it in,'" Laurie says, draping her arm around me.
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Back-loading the tag strips ‘Sign the damn form and send it in’ of its oomph.
EXAMPLE 2
Here’s an example from Linwood Barclay’s Parting Shot that shows how mid-loaded tags can protect the flow of interrupted dialogue.
EXAMPLE 2
Here’s an example from Linwood Barclay’s Parting Shot that shows how mid-loaded tags can protect the flow of interrupted dialogue.
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“Ms. Plimpton,” Duckworth said. “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Detective Barry—”
“I know exactly who you are,” she said, and reached out and took his hand in hers. |
Notice how by mid-loading the dialogue tag, Ms. Plimpton’s interruption – indicated by the closed-up em dash at the end of Duckworth’s speech – feels more authentic because it’s given the space to flow.
Front-loaded dialogue tags
Front-loaded tags come before the dialogue. This position is the one least used in most commercial fiction, and there’s a good reason for that: reader focus.
Those familiar with advice on writing for the web will know that web copy needs to be front-loaded with relevant keywords. This means that the important stuff comes first. That’s because visitors to websites are busy and scanning for solutions to their problems. When they don’t get them fast, they become frustrated and are more likely to jump to another site.
If the novelist’s done their job well, readers will invest way more time in soaking up their prose than if they were shopping for a new duvet cover. Even so, every word in a piece of fiction needs to count, and readers should still be focusing on the most important stuff.
And so if you’ve written great dialogue, most of the time you’ll want to ensure your readers are focusing on it as soon as possible. Front-loading the speech, rather than the tag, helps achieve that.
That’s not to say that front-loaded dialogue tags don’t have their place. They do, and they can be extremely effective when used purposefully.
Front-loaded dialogue tags
Front-loaded tags come before the dialogue. This position is the one least used in most commercial fiction, and there’s a good reason for that: reader focus.
Those familiar with advice on writing for the web will know that web copy needs to be front-loaded with relevant keywords. This means that the important stuff comes first. That’s because visitors to websites are busy and scanning for solutions to their problems. When they don’t get them fast, they become frustrated and are more likely to jump to another site.
If the novelist’s done their job well, readers will invest way more time in soaking up their prose than if they were shopping for a new duvet cover. Even so, every word in a piece of fiction needs to count, and readers should still be focusing on the most important stuff.
And so if you’ve written great dialogue, most of the time you’ll want to ensure your readers are focusing on it as soon as possible. Front-loading the speech, rather than the tag, helps achieve that.
That’s not to say that front-loaded dialogue tags don’t have their place. They do, and they can be extremely effective when used purposefully.
When front-loaded tags work:
Impact level, psychic distancing and lyricism
Let’s have a look at how a front-loaded dialogue tag can be used to superb effect when used purposefully.
Impact level
A front-loaded dialogue tag can function in the same way as a mid-loaded one when it comes to speech containing impact points. Again, we’re talking about dialogue that’s witty, suspenseful, or closes with an impactful line that you don’t want to flatten with a tag.
EXAMPLE
Let’s return to the excerpt from Collared. Although Rosenfelt uses a mid-loaded tag, he could have opted for a front-loaded one and preserved the oomph in his closing sentence. Here’s how it might look:
Impact level
A front-loaded dialogue tag can function in the same way as a mid-loaded one when it comes to speech containing impact points. Again, we’re talking about dialogue that’s witty, suspenseful, or closes with an impactful line that you don’t want to flatten with a tag.
EXAMPLE
Let’s return to the excerpt from Collared. Although Rosenfelt uses a mid-loaded tag, he could have opted for a front-loaded one and preserved the oomph in his closing sentence. Here’s how it might look:
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Laurie drapes her arm around me and says, “Andy, we love you deeply. As far as Ricky and I are concerned, the sun rises and sets on you. And it is from that place of love and that place of the rising and setting sun that we say this to you: 'Sign the damn form and send it in.'"
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Psychic distancing
If you want the prose to feel more expository so that the reader is less closely connected to the character, front-loading the tag might be just the ticket. Doing this widens the psychic (or narrative) distance.
A tag tells of speaking whereas dialogue shows what’s being said. By placing the tag first, you draw the reader away from the character’s voice and give the prose a more objective feel.
EXAMPLE
This excerpt is from Jens Lapidus’s Life Deluxe.
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They veered onto a side street off Storgatan.
Jorge's phone rang. Paola: "It's me. Que haces, hermano?" Jorge thought: Should I tell her the truth? "I'm in Södertälje." "At a bakery?" Paola: J-boy loved her. Still, he couldn't take it. He said, "Yeah, yeah, ‘course I'm at a bakery. But we gotta talk later—I got my hands full of muffins here." They hung up. |
Lapidus has front-loaded dialogue tags and thoughts in this excerpt, and it’s an excellent example of psychic distancing in action. The centring of the characters rather than the speech gives the prose a detached, clinical feel that shows rather than tells mood.
Jorge is a drug-dealer operating in Stockholm’s shady underworld. He’s only just out of jail but already he’s frustrated with a life of honesty. In fact, he’s got only one thing on his mind: easy money.
The wider psychic distance means we get to see the world through Jorge’s eyes but without getting too close to him. Perhaps Lapidus doesn’t want us to empathize with him too much. Instead, he widens the psychic distance just enough that we can make up our own minds about whether Jorge deserves the trouble coming his way.
Lyricism
Repeated use of front-loaded tags with short bursts of dialogue can introduce a lyricism into prose whereby the tags function as more than just indications of who’s speaking. They become part of the poetry.
This approach can work particularly well with parody, satire and comedic prose.
EXAMPLE
Jorge is a drug-dealer operating in Stockholm’s shady underworld. He’s only just out of jail but already he’s frustrated with a life of honesty. In fact, he’s got only one thing on his mind: easy money.
The wider psychic distance means we get to see the world through Jorge’s eyes but without getting too close to him. Perhaps Lapidus doesn’t want us to empathize with him too much. Instead, he widens the psychic distance just enough that we can make up our own minds about whether Jorge deserves the trouble coming his way.
Lyricism
Repeated use of front-loaded tags with short bursts of dialogue can introduce a lyricism into prose whereby the tags function as more than just indications of who’s speaking. They become part of the poetry.
This approach can work particularly well with parody, satire and comedic prose.
EXAMPLE
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I posed my conundrum to the class and waited for their insights on what I considered to be my finest theoretical work to date.
Mari said, ‘No.’ Ahmed said, ‘Yes.’ Sol said, ‘Maybe.’ Dave said, ‘I couldn’t give a shit. Is that the best you’ve got?’ Arthur said nothing, just yawned. The bell rang. Suitably insulted, I raised the SIG, shot each student in the head, and retired to the staff room. |
Notice how the multiple front-loaded dialogue tags are performing anaphorically. Anaphora is the purposeful repetition of words or phrases at the beginning of successive clauses.
It’s often used in poetry and speeches. When it’s used in novels, that repetition draws the reader's eye and can show rather than tell mood – boredom, monotony or, as in this case, disinterest. The tags are therefore key to the lyricism, and as important as the speech.
It’s often used in poetry and speeches. When it’s used in novels, that repetition draws the reader's eye and can show rather than tell mood – boredom, monotony or, as in this case, disinterest. The tags are therefore key to the lyricism, and as important as the speech.
Summing up
Front-loading dialogue tags is something most authors tend to avoid. However, as is usually the case when it comes to line craft in fiction, there are no rules.
The key is to consider what purpose your tag is serving and how it can best amplify the speech, evoke mood, and improve rhythm.
The key is to consider what purpose your tag is serving and how it can best amplify the speech, evoke mood, and improve rhythm.
Cited sources
- Barclay, l., Parting Shot, Orion; 2017 (p. 380)
- Boyd, W., Solo: A James Bond Novel, Vintage, 2014 (p. 260)
- Crosby, SA, Blacktop Wasteland, Headline, 2021 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- Lapidus, J, Life Deluxe, Pan, 2015 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- Rosenfelt, D, Collared, Minotaur Books, 2017 (Kindle edition)
Fiction editing training: Books and courses
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level (book)
- Fiction editing and writing resources (online library)
- How to Line Edit for Suspense (multimedia course)
- How to Write the Perfect Fiction Editorial Report (multimedia course)
- Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors (multimedia course)
- Preparing Your Book for Submission (multimedia course)
- Switching to Fiction (multimedia course)
- What is anaphora and how can you use it in fiction writing? (blog post)
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
In this episode of The Editing Podcast, we discuss some of the things we’ve learned about examining the words we use and the way we behave in shared editorial spaces.
Summary of Episode 99
Listen to find out more about:
- Familiarising ourselves with the rules of that space
- Acknowledging that our political, professional and ideological positions are not going to be the same as everyone else’s
- Recognizing the potential diversity of our editorial spaces
- Saying hello and introducing ourselves first
- Being prepared to be challenged
- Owning our words if we're challenged
- Acknowledging that intention not to hurt doesn’t absolve us of the responsibility for that hurt.
- Being prepared to feel uncomfortable
- Accepting our privilege without getting our knickers in a knot!
- How it's for the white, cis, straight etc people to do the work
Listen to the episode
Related resources
Support The Editing Podcast
- Tip your hosts: Support Louise and Denise with a one-off tip of your choosing.
- Join our Patreon community: Our patrons benefit from access to PDF transcripts for episodes featuring just Louise and Denise, and for some of our guest episodes. Members of our Second Cup tier get extra free bonus content too!
Music credit
'Vivacity’ by Kevin MacLeod
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Thinking of creating and delivering online editorial training courses? Here’s some guidance for editors and proofreaders on the tax implications and choosing a platform.
What’s in this post …
- Your online course and the tax authority in your own jurisdiction
- Your online course and the tax authority in other jurisdictions
- Finding a taxation-friendly training platform
- Understanding Merchants of Record
- Where I host my editorial training courses
- Summing up: What to consider
Your online course and the tax authority in your own jurisdiction
When we sell online training courses, we’re entering the world of digital services and products, as defined by the various tax authorities in jurisdictions all over the planet.
Not all digital services and products are created equally, and the rules in one country might be different in another. Even within a single jurisdiction, your online course might be treated differently in terms of tax depending on how you provide access to the content.
5 examples of online courses
Imagine you’re me, a UK resident offering online training courses. Here’s what the classifications might look like (though I’m no tax specialist) in 2022.
Not all digital services and products are created equally, and the rules in one country might be different in another. Even within a single jurisdiction, your online course might be treated differently in terms of tax depending on how you provide access to the content.
5 examples of online courses
Imagine you’re me, a UK resident offering online training courses. Here’s what the classifications might look like (though I’m no tax specialist) in 2022.
Example 1
What the online editing training course comprises
What the online editing training course comprises
- Pre-recorded videos
- Downloadable PDF booklet
- Downloadable Word practice exercises – self-assessed
- Digital service
- Yes
Example 2
What the online editing training course comprises
- Livestreamed webinar
- Downloadable PDF booklet
- Downloadable Word practice exercises – self-assessed
- Not a digital service
- No
Example 3
What the online editing training course comprises
- Pre-recorded videos
- Downloadable PDF booklet
- Downloadable Word practice exercises – marked by tutor and manually emailed back to student
- Probably not a digital service
- Probably no
Example 4
What the online editing training course comprises
- 15-minute 1:1 consultation with a live tutor
- Pre-recorded videos
- Downloadable PDF booklet
- Downloadable Word practice exercises – self-assessed
- Possibly not a digital service
- Possibly no
Example 5
What the online editing training course comprises
- Live consultation with a tutor via a separate group forum space
- Pre-recorded videos
- Downloadable PDF booklet
- Downloadable Word practice exercises – self-assessed
- Nebulous
- Nebulous
Your online course and the tax authority in other jurisdictions
So you’ve worked out what the deal is for your own jurisdiction. However, when it comes to selling globally, where you live is irrelevant when it comes to consumption taxes like VAT.
Anyone offering online courses in a global market must know where their customer lives. And it’s the tax authority’s rules in the customer’s jurisdiction that determine whether we need to add a consumption tax to the price.
Which can be a monumental barrier for sole-trading editors and proofreaders. Why? because here's what we need to take responsibility for.
Our consumption tax responsibilities
Small-business owners selling digital products and services internationally must have a mechanism in place to:
That list is enough to deter any small-business owner from sharing their knowledge and charging for it. Which is a crying shame because the editorial community is passionate about training and CPD.
And the fact is that most of us don’t have the time or skills to do this work – unless we decide we're not actually going to be editors and trainers anymore, but full-time accountants instead.
Nor can we afford to hire an expensive specialist tax accountant who will do this for us – unless we want the entire exercise to become unprofitable.
So what do we do?
Anyone offering online courses in a global market must know where their customer lives. And it’s the tax authority’s rules in the customer’s jurisdiction that determine whether we need to add a consumption tax to the price.
Which can be a monumental barrier for sole-trading editors and proofreaders. Why? because here's what we need to take responsibility for.
Our consumption tax responsibilities
Small-business owners selling digital products and services internationally must have a mechanism in place to:
- ensure that our customers provide the necessary jurisdiction data on our invoices
- allow our customers to exempt themselves from the tax where appropriate
- calculate the appropriate tax rate for every customer
- review that tax rate regularly (because they change!)
- collect the tax from the customer
- remit the collected tax to every single relevant tax authority. That's right. Every single one.
That list is enough to deter any small-business owner from sharing their knowledge and charging for it. Which is a crying shame because the editorial community is passionate about training and CPD.
And the fact is that most of us don’t have the time or skills to do this work – unless we decide we're not actually going to be editors and trainers anymore, but full-time accountants instead.
Nor can we afford to hire an expensive specialist tax accountant who will do this for us – unless we want the entire exercise to become unprofitable.
So what do we do?
The solution: Find a taxation-friendly training platform
There is a solution. Training platforms are increasingly offering tax support to their trainers. When evaluating a training platform for its taxation-friendliness, it’s critical that we understand the concept of the Merchant of Record.
What is a Merchant of Record?
A Merchant of Record is the legal entity that usually:
When we choose a training platform that acts as the Merchant of Record, or includes a third-party integration that does the same, that leaves us free to get on with the business of editorial training rather than worrying about whether we’re tax compliant in every part of the world we’re selling to.
If the platform doesn't offer that, we're the Merchants of Record, and the buck's back with us.
What’s on offer?
Some training platforms are partial Merchants of Record. PayHip, for example, calculates, collects and remits VAT in the UK and Europe for me as a UK resident. However, I’m responsible for the tax compliance in all other jurisdictions ... Cue the worry.
Some training platforms include integrations that calculate the tax but don’t collect or remit it. That’s on us or our (expensive) specialist tax accountants. LearnWorlds is an example. The Quaderno app calculates what we owe to whom, but we have to do the rest ... Cue the worry.
Some training platforms act as full Merchants of Record, meaning they calculate, collect and remit all the tax for all jurisdictions. Teachable is an example ... And relax!
What is a Merchant of Record?
A Merchant of Record is the legal entity that usually:
- calculates the appropriate rate of tax that needs to be added to a purchase of your course
- updates that rate of tax rate in your payment gateway when necessary
- collects that tax from your customer
- remits it to the tax authority in the appropriate jurisdiction.
When we choose a training platform that acts as the Merchant of Record, or includes a third-party integration that does the same, that leaves us free to get on with the business of editorial training rather than worrying about whether we’re tax compliant in every part of the world we’re selling to.
If the platform doesn't offer that, we're the Merchants of Record, and the buck's back with us.
What’s on offer?
Some training platforms are partial Merchants of Record. PayHip, for example, calculates, collects and remits VAT in the UK and Europe for me as a UK resident. However, I’m responsible for the tax compliance in all other jurisdictions ... Cue the worry.
Some training platforms include integrations that calculate the tax but don’t collect or remit it. That’s on us or our (expensive) specialist tax accountants. LearnWorlds is an example. The Quaderno app calculates what we owe to whom, but we have to do the rest ... Cue the worry.
Some training platforms act as full Merchants of Record, meaning they calculate, collect and remit all the tax for all jurisdictions. Teachable is an example ... And relax!
Where I host my editorial training courses
I now host my editorial training courses with Teachable for seven reasons:
Note that at the time of writing, trainers wanting to offer PayPal as a payment gateway in Teachable must set their course prices in US dollars.
Teachable is right for me, but any editor or proofreader embarking on online course creation should do their own research. Most platforms offer a free trial so you can get a feel for the setup, functionality and branding options.
- It acts as a full Merchant of Record, meaning I can focus on course creation rather than worrying about tax compliance.
- The platform is super user-friendly for me and my students.
- Teachable has a gorgeous app (iOS and Android), which is fantastic for students who want mobile access. Download it from your usual app store.
- I can brand my content appropriately.
- Multiple editorial trainers use Teachable, which means students can access our schools via a single platform.
- I can now offer payment plans that allow my students to spread the cost.
- And there's a bundles option that lets me offer you access to multiple courses ... and with big discounts!
Note that at the time of writing, trainers wanting to offer PayPal as a payment gateway in Teachable must set their course prices in US dollars.
Teachable is right for me, but any editor or proofreader embarking on online course creation should do their own research. Most platforms offer a free trial so you can get a feel for the setup, functionality and branding options.
Summing up: What to consider
- Creating and delivering online courses for editors and proofreaders has never been easier thanks to the growing number of platforms with user-friendly interfaces and multimedia functionality.
- What’s not so easy is the tax-compliance element. Many of the providers haven’t yet woken up to the implications for small-business owners operating in a global marketplace with complex and ever-changing tax rules.
- If you’re planning to teach online, make sure you understand the differences in tax rules for courses with a live component and courses that are self-directed, not just in your own jurisdiction but elsewhere too. Also bear in mind that what constitutes live tutoring might be nebulous.
- And, finally, if you decide to head down the self-directed training route, and your preferred platform isn’t offering a full Merchant of Record service, think carefully about who’s going to do that work and how much it will cost.
Related resources
- Check out my courses
- Visit my Skills and training resource page to access free guidance.
- Find out how to log in and access courses you've already purchased.
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Parentheses (or round brackets) can help fiction authors evoke a sense of simultaneity in their viewpoint character’s experience – one that challenges a more conventional linear narrative. Here’s how it works.
What’s included in this post
- What are parentheses?
- Parentheses as convention breakers
- Parentheses as satirical and viewpoint-switch markers
- The question an author posed
- Why parentheses can convey simultaneity
- How readers process sentences in a linear fashion
- Showing sensory assault through simultaneity
- Showing conflict through simultaneity
What are parentheses?
Parentheses come in pairs and separate a word or phrase from the surrounding text. If the parenthetical information is removed, the surrounding text still makes sense.
This is what they look like: ( )
Dashes and commas can perform the same function in fiction. Take a look at these examples:
Parentheses:
Tell me about parentheses (round brackets) and how they work.
Commas:
Tell me about parentheses, round brackets, and how they work.
Spaced en dashes:
Tell me about parentheses – round brackets – and how they work.
Closed-up em dashes:
Tell me about parentheses—round brackets—and how they work.
This is what they look like: ( )
Dashes and commas can perform the same function in fiction. Take a look at these examples:
Parentheses:
Tell me about parentheses (round brackets) and how they work.
Commas:
Tell me about parentheses, round brackets, and how they work.
Spaced en dashes:
Tell me about parentheses – round brackets – and how they work.
Closed-up em dashes:
Tell me about parentheses—round brackets—and how they work.
Parentheses as convention breakers in fiction
All the examples above are grammatically correct, though parentheses are used far less frequently in contemporary commercial fiction.
This might be because they’re large and therefore visible marks – ones that demand a reader’s attention. That they’re interruptive could be a good reason to avoid them, though it could equally be the very reason why you want to use them.
The key to using any punctuation mark effectively is to understand its purpose and consider how the reader will interpret it. And so just because the use of parentheses is infrequent enough in fiction to make it unconventional isn’t a reason to ban them from prose.
This might be because they’re large and therefore visible marks – ones that demand a reader’s attention. That they’re interruptive could be a good reason to avoid them, though it could equally be the very reason why you want to use them.
The key to using any punctuation mark effectively is to understand its purpose and consider how the reader will interpret it. And so just because the use of parentheses is infrequent enough in fiction to make it unconventional isn’t a reason to ban them from prose.
Parentheses as satirical and viewpoint-switch markers
I most often see parentheses used in fiction in these two ways:
If you’d like to explore my analysis of these two uses, read How to use round brackets (parentheses) in fiction writing.
Scroll through the comments on that post and you’ll see a fantastic question raised by a reader that got me thinking about parentheses again.
- For satirical purposes – an external narrator wants to poke fun at a focus character’s behaviour, thoughts or dialogue.
- For viewpoint purposes – the narrative is written from a viewpoint character’s perspective and therefore limited to their experience, but an external narrator wishes briefly to interrupt.
If you’d like to explore my analysis of these two uses, read How to use round brackets (parentheses) in fiction writing.
Scroll through the comments on that post and you’ll see a fantastic question raised by a reader that got me thinking about parentheses again.
The question an author posed
That reader is Ellen Gwaltney Bales, a fiction writer, and she said:
‘Louise, I'm writing a short story in which I have inserted a couple of parenthetical phrases (I don't even know what to call them) which separate one part of a sentence from another. I've seen Stephen King do this and it fascinated me. The character (narrator) is reflecting on a dream she has just awoken from. What do you think of this style, and what is it called?’
I replied admitting that I didn’t know quite what this is called in terms of literary style but that she’d got me thinking, and helped me consider a third function of parentheses that I hadn’t interrogated before: simultaneity.
Here’s her example. It’s from a short story tentatively titled ‘The Woman at the Window’.
‘Louise, I'm writing a short story in which I have inserted a couple of parenthetical phrases (I don't even know what to call them) which separate one part of a sentence from another. I've seen Stephen King do this and it fascinated me. The character (narrator) is reflecting on a dream she has just awoken from. What do you think of this style, and what is it called?’
I replied admitting that I didn’t know quite what this is called in terms of literary style but that she’d got me thinking, and helped me consider a third function of parentheses that I hadn’t interrogated before: simultaneity.
Here’s her example. It’s from a short story tentatively titled ‘The Woman at the Window’.
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I could see my brother Rick running through the Black Forest looking for a place to hide from
(the bombs bursting in air) bombs that were dropping by the hundreds from a fiery sky. |
There are a couple of interesting things going on in Ellen’s example – not just the parenthetical phrase but also the placement of it. It takes its own line, which makes it stand out even more.
Why parentheses can convey simultaneity
I told Ellen that I liked her excerpt very much. The round brackets and the new line mean the phrase is certainly interruptive. And while I’d interpreted the effect of her choice of punctuation in a particular way, I was keen to understand what she’d hoped to achieve.
‘I wanted to shake the reader up a bit by writing it that way,’ she told me.
And she succeeded. Parentheses do stand out. So does the separate line. But my reading of her work led me to consider another effect she’d created, albeit unwittingly – simultaneity.
‘I wanted to shake the reader up a bit by writing it that way,’ she told me.
And she succeeded. Parentheses do stand out. So does the separate line. But my reading of her work led me to consider another effect she’d created, albeit unwittingly – simultaneity.
How readers process sentences in a linear fashion
Here’s another slightly edited excerpt from Ellen’s short story:
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More and more I dreamed of her at night in confusing, surrealistic visions mixed up with dreams about bombs and my brother Rick. One night just before Labor Day I woke up screaming, terrified, seeing missiles exploding, and the rockets' red glare, and the sky alight with flames.
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This is linear description. We absorb the story in the order the phrases are presented to us – first the dreaming, then the waking-up on a night just before Labor Day, then the terrified screaming, then seeing the exploding missiles, then the glare of the rockets, and finally the flaming sky.
But actually, that’s not how Ellen wrote it. Here’s the unedited version:
But actually, that’s not how Ellen wrote it. Here’s the unedited version:
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More and more I dreamed of her at night in confusing, surrealistic visions mixed up with dreams about bombs and my brother Rick. One night just before Labor Day I woke up screaming, terrified, seeing missiles exploding
(and the rockets' red glare) and the sky alight with flames. |
The rocket-glare phrase is now bracketed and takes its own line. And I think this changes that linearity subtly. It’s as if the glare of the rockets is experienced at the very same moment that the missiles are exploding. It’s another layer of experience that sits behind the explosions.
That’s how we often experience traumatic events in reality. Our brains work so fast that we process multiple pieces of information and feel multiple emotions all at once. The difficulty comes in expressing that in linear text.
In Ellen’s example, the parentheses act as a signal of this simultaneity of experience, and show rather than tell an onslaught of emotional, auditory and visual information.
That’s how we often experience traumatic events in reality. Our brains work so fast that we process multiple pieces of information and feel multiple emotions all at once. The difficulty comes in expressing that in linear text.
In Ellen’s example, the parentheses act as a signal of this simultaneity of experience, and show rather than tell an onslaught of emotional, auditory and visual information.
Showing sensory assault through simultaneity
Let’s revisit Ellen’s first example and explore it through the lens of simultaneity.
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I could see my brother Rick running through the Black Forest looking for a place to hide from
(the bombs bursting in air) bombs that were dropping by the hundreds from a fiery sky. |
The way the parenthetical phrase punctuates the prose makes me feel uncomfortable. It jars me visually. And that’s why I love it. It shows rather than tells the assault on the senses that I can imagine a person would experience if they were in an environment where missiles were exploding and falling around them.
The character awakes. She’s likely still shaken from the dream, and trying to process what she experienced. And so she narrates what she saw, which pared down is this:
The character awakes. She’s likely still shaken from the dream, and trying to process what she experienced. And so she narrates what she saw, which pared down is this:
- I could see my brother Rick running through the Black Forest looking for a place to hide from bombs that were dropping by the hundreds from a fiery sky.
But as she's thinking about this, the bursting bombs is there too, behind the more expository narration, right at the same time. And it’s the bracketed line that shows this.
An alternative might have been:
An alternative might have been:
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I could see my brother Rick running through the Black Forest looking for a place to hide from while bombs were bursting in air as they dropped by the hundreds from a fiery sky.
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In that revised version, 'as' tells the simultaneity. It's told prose. Instead, Ellen as author, has shown us with the parentheses, and it's far more dramatic.
And so we might consider parenthetical statements such as this as devices that help authors create layers of simultaneous experience that are warranted when there’s sensory assault in play.
And so we might consider parenthetical statements such as this as devices that help authors create layers of simultaneous experience that are warranted when there’s sensory assault in play.
Showing conflict through simultaneity
There’s another way in which you might use parentheses as a simultaneity device: to convey conflict.
Here’s an example that I have written more conventionally, using italic and a tag to convey a thought.
Here’s an example that I have written more conventionally, using italic and a tag to convey a thought.
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Louise read the text. Her friend had an idea, one that had been on her mind for ages. The words ‘editing podcast’ and multiple star-struck emojis spilled over the screen. Was she up for it? They could do it together, D said – less work that way.
Say no, she thought. You don’t have time. Yes yes yes yes, she typed, because it would be a crap ton of fun and the alternative was D asking someone else, and that was unthinkable. |
This approach encourages the reader to approach the prose in a linear way: First D texts Louise with an idea. Then a thought process takes place. Then Louise responds.
But look what happens when we experiment with parentheses.
But look what happens when we experiment with parentheses.
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Louise read the text. Her friend had an idea, one that had been on her mind for ages. The words ‘editing podcast’ and multiple star-struck emojis spilled over the screen. Was she up for it? They could do it together, D said – less work that way.
(Say no. You don’t have time.) Yes yes yes yes, she typed, because it would be a crap ton of fun and the alternative was D asking someone else, and that was unthinkable. |
Now there’s a signal that two conflicting emotional responses are in play simultaneously. Thinking ‘no’ and typing ‘yes’ are occurring at the same time.
Summing up
Using parentheses in fiction takes a little courage because they inevitably jar the reader, force them to step back and take notice. Some writers and editors fear that it’s a distraction too far, one that risks pulling their audience out of the prose and into how that prose is punctuated.
However, used purposefully, parentheses can enhance that moment and create a sense of simultaneity of experience – perhaps involving an assault on the senses or competing emotions fighting for primacy in a character’s mind.
There are no rules in fiction. Instead, what writers (and the editors who work with them) must strive for is how best to communicate a character’s emotions, perception and actions in the moment, so that the reader can get under the skin of that experience.
And it might just be that – once in a while – a pair of round brackets helps with that goal.
However, used purposefully, parentheses can enhance that moment and create a sense of simultaneity of experience – perhaps involving an assault on the senses or competing emotions fighting for primacy in a character’s mind.
There are no rules in fiction. Instead, what writers (and the editors who work with them) must strive for is how best to communicate a character’s emotions, perception and actions in the moment, so that the reader can get under the skin of that experience.
And it might just be that – once in a while – a pair of round brackets helps with that goal.
Other resources you might like
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About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Are you worried about revising blog posts that you wrote a few years back? Think it’s dishonest or underhanded? Read on to find out why you should embrace editing your blog content, regardless of when you wrote it.
What’s included in this post
- What a blog is
- How the search engines find blog content
- Why there’s no such thing as an ‘old’ blog post
- Historical record or a reflection of your business’s values?
- What about content written by guests?
- How you might update your blog content
- Might you tag out-of-date posts as archive material instead?
What a blog is
A blog is simply a collection of web pages.
Just like other web pages on your site, blog posts include an H1 heading (the blog-post title) and text. You can add additional headings, buttons, links and other audiovisual material, as well as SEO-friendly meta data and alt-text in images to improve accessibility.
Unlike other pages on your site, blog posts are organized in a way that makes the content more accessible for readers, perhaps via some or all of the following:
Just like other web pages on your site, blog posts include an H1 heading (the blog-post title) and text. You can add additional headings, buttons, links and other audiovisual material, as well as SEO-friendly meta data and alt-text in images to improve accessibility.
Unlike other pages on your site, blog posts are organized in a way that makes the content more accessible for readers, perhaps via some or all of the following:
- A single point of access to multiple pages
- A topic-based archive
- A date-based archive
- A keyword archive
- A search tool
- The date the content on the page was published
- The option for readers to comment on the page’s content
How the search engines find blog content
When a user types a query into the search engines, those search engines scour visible web pages all over the world for signs of relevance.
The likes of Google don’t give a damn about:
What they are interested in is whether you’ve published content that’s relevant to a search query. So a blog post with keywords and phrases that align with a user’s query will rank higher in the search results.
They’re also interested in how long users stay on that page, and what they do when they leave it. When people stick around on a particular page, that’s a signal that you’ve offered a good user experience.
And if you create links from a blog post to other pages on your website (for example, another blog post, a resource library or your editorial services page) that a user finds interesting and so doesn’t bounce out of your website, that’s another indication that you’re providing relevant solutions to the searcher’s problems.
The more relevant pages you have on your site, the more likely they are to be listed higher up the results of a search query, and the more likely you are to be visited by that ideal client who clicks through.
The likes of Google don’t give a damn about:
- when you published the content
- whether you’ve changed your opinion since you created the content
- or whether the language you’ve used in a ten-year-old post is language you wouldn’t use now because you’re more aware.
What they are interested in is whether you’ve published content that’s relevant to a search query. So a blog post with keywords and phrases that align with a user’s query will rank higher in the search results.
They’re also interested in how long users stay on that page, and what they do when they leave it. When people stick around on a particular page, that’s a signal that you’ve offered a good user experience.
And if you create links from a blog post to other pages on your website (for example, another blog post, a resource library or your editorial services page) that a user finds interesting and so doesn’t bounce out of your website, that’s another indication that you’re providing relevant solutions to the searcher’s problems.
The more relevant pages you have on your site, the more likely they are to be listed higher up the results of a search query, and the more likely you are to be visited by that ideal client who clicks through.
Why there’s no such thing as an ‘old’ blog post
Given that blog posts are just web pages, and that relevant web pages are more likely to be found by the search engines and listed in the search results, a really useful blog post – one that answers a question often posed by searchers – will be visible and valuable even if it was written years ago.
In that sense, there’s no such thing as an ‘old’ blog post. Remember, Google doesn’t care about the date of publication; it cares only about how relevant your content is to a search query.
The question editor bloggers therefore need to ask themselves is: Do you want people finding content on your business website that
If the answer’s no, it’s critical that you frame your blogging mindset in terms of ‘what’, not ‘when’.
In that sense, there’s no such thing as an ‘old’ blog post. Remember, Google doesn’t care about the date of publication; it cares only about how relevant your content is to a search query.
The question editor bloggers therefore need to ask themselves is: Do you want people finding content on your business website that
- is out of date, or makes you appear to be out of step with your profession
- uses language that you wouldn’t dream of using now
- or offers advice that you’ve long since revised your opinion on?
If the answer’s no, it’s critical that you frame your blogging mindset in terms of ‘what’, not ‘when’.
Historical record or a reflection of your business’s values?
None of us would dream of including an old phone number or email address on our contact page, or an editorial service that we no longer provide on our services page, or a logo we’ve long since abandoned on our home page.
That’s because we don’t consider our contact, services or home pages to be historical records of what once was. Rather, the content on those pages reflects our business as it is now.
The same applies to a blog. This is merely a collection of other web pages on your site, and so it needs to be treated similarly. Every blog post needs to be regarded as if it were published yesterday.
Blog content is therefore current. That content is a reflection of your business and your brand values as they are today.
Even if that content was published ten years ago.
Certainly, some written materials are historical records – a journal article published in 1969, the first edition of a book, the minutes of a meeting – but editors' blogs are not.
And so if you have blog content on your website that doesn’t reflect your business brand as it is now, it’s time to update it.
Your website is your business shop front, the digital land that you own and control. And you have a duty to preserve its integrity.
That’s because we don’t consider our contact, services or home pages to be historical records of what once was. Rather, the content on those pages reflects our business as it is now.
The same applies to a blog. This is merely a collection of other web pages on your site, and so it needs to be treated similarly. Every blog post needs to be regarded as if it were published yesterday.
Blog content is therefore current. That content is a reflection of your business and your brand values as they are today.
Even if that content was published ten years ago.
Certainly, some written materials are historical records – a journal article published in 1969, the first edition of a book, the minutes of a meeting – but editors' blogs are not.
And so if you have blog content on your website that doesn’t reflect your business brand as it is now, it’s time to update it.
Your website is your business shop front, the digital land that you own and control. And you have a duty to preserve its integrity.
What about content written by guests?
When you offer guests the opportunity to write for your blog, you're giving them access to your platform.
YOUR platform.
It’s still your land, your business shop front, and it’s you, not your guest, who is responsible for that space. You therefore still have the right to preserve your website’s integrity. And if that means some sort of intervention, so be it.
If you’re now uncomfortable with the content – even though you weren’t when you published it – decide on the most appropriate way to ensure it reflects your business’s brand values.
YOUR platform.
It’s still your land, your business shop front, and it’s you, not your guest, who is responsible for that space. You therefore still have the right to preserve your website’s integrity. And if that means some sort of intervention, so be it.
If you’re now uncomfortable with the content – even though you weren’t when you published it – decide on the most appropriate way to ensure it reflects your business’s brand values.
How you might update your blog content
The decisions you make about your blog content are the same as those you’d make for the content on any other web page on your site.
Revision
You might choose to edit existing content so that it’s up to date and accessible.
Revision’s a great option for posts that rank high in the search engines for particular queries, and drive potential clients to your website. You get to keep your findability but ensure your existing brand is intact.
Do make sure these valuable posts link to other relevant content on your website.
Deletion
You might decide to delete entire posts, thereby removing those web pages from your site.
Deletion’s a good option for the following types of blog content:
Repurpose
You might decide to rewrite, using the same theme but bringing your current experience into play.
Repurposing’s a good option for when your original blog post tackled a theme that’s relevant to the kind of people you want to visit your website, but you need a complete rewrite to ensure the content’s bang up to date and reflects your editorial business’s brand values.
Revision
You might choose to edit existing content so that it’s up to date and accessible.
Revision’s a great option for posts that rank high in the search engines for particular queries, and drive potential clients to your website. You get to keep your findability but ensure your existing brand is intact.
Do make sure these valuable posts link to other relevant content on your website.
Deletion
You might decide to delete entire posts, thereby removing those web pages from your site.
Deletion’s a good option for the following types of blog content:
- Posts that are never found and never read.
- Posts that are so out of date that they could damage your business brand.
- Posts that are no longer relevant, for example a review of a book, course or piece of software that’s no longer available.
Repurpose
You might decide to rewrite, using the same theme but bringing your current experience into play.
Repurposing’s a good option for when your original blog post tackled a theme that’s relevant to the kind of people you want to visit your website, but you need a complete rewrite to ensure the content’s bang up to date and reflects your editorial business’s brand values.
Might you tag out-of-date posts as archive material instead?
Tagging blog content as archived material rather than updating it is not a solution because it’s still visible.
And website visitors often scan content, and so likely won’t notice the date or an archive marker. Instead, they’ll search for the solution they originally came to the post for.
If that material’s out of date, the damage is done because what they're reading isn't reflecting your current brand values.
There are online online archives, and those serve a purpose, but that’s not the purpose of your editorial blog. Your blog posts, like every other page on your website, should show potential clients why you’re a great fit for each other now.
And website visitors often scan content, and so likely won’t notice the date or an archive marker. Instead, they’ll search for the solution they originally came to the post for.
If that material’s out of date, the damage is done because what they're reading isn't reflecting your current brand values.
There are online online archives, and those serve a purpose, but that’s not the purpose of your editorial blog. Your blog posts, like every other page on your website, should show potential clients why you’re a great fit for each other now.
Summing up
Edit your blog content with alacrity! It’s not just okay to do so; it’s essential to do so. Editorial business websites tell our potential clients:
Every single web page on our site needs to reflect that messaging. And since blog posts are just web pages, they should be current and relevant. Out-of-date blog content screams out-of-date business. That has no place in any editor’s marketing strategy.
And the date a blog post was published is irrelevant because that’s not what determines its findability. It’s relevance to a search query is what makes it visible. And if it’s visible, it’s visible now.
Happy revising!
- who we are
- what we do
- what we stand for
- and how we can help them.
Every single web page on our site needs to reflect that messaging. And since blog posts are just web pages, they should be current and relevant. Out-of-date blog content screams out-of-date business. That has no place in any editor’s marketing strategy.
And the date a blog post was published is irrelevant because that’s not what determines its findability. It’s relevance to a search query is what makes it visible. And if it’s visible, it’s visible now.
Happy revising!
Related training resources
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Editor Website Essentials: Find out how to craft a visible, loveable editorial website with this 10-step framework that takes you through the essentials of SEO, navigation, structure, visitors, UX, branding, web page copy, home page design, content and analytics. Find out more about the course.
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Blogging for Business Growth: Learn how to create a discoverable, captivating and memorable blog that drives website traffic, increases visibility in the search engines, and generates editing work. Find out more about the course.
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About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
A common stumbling block for editorial business owners is making time for marketing. Here’s why we must make time, and some resources to help you organize your business-promotion schedule.
What’s in this post …
Read on to find out more about:
- Why running a business means finding clients
- Working for others – being an employee
- Working on your business and in your business
- Setting up a business and marketing: The order of play
- Shifting from a no-time mindset to an all-the-time mindset
- Taking a strategic approach to marketing
Why running a business means finding clients
Every time an editor or proofreader says they don’t have time to build and implement a marketing strategy, they’re saying they don’t have time to find work.
None of us can run a business if there’s no business to run. Editing and proofreading work is essential. Otherwise we’re nothing more than a fancy title on a business card.
If marketing isn’t a part of your business model, it’s time either to work for someone else or shift your mindset.
None of us can run a business if there’s no business to run. Editing and proofreading work is essential. Otherwise we’re nothing more than a fancy title on a business card.
If marketing isn’t a part of your business model, it’s time either to work for someone else or shift your mindset.
Working for others – being an employee
There’s nothing wrong with being an employee. For some it’s a more suitable career choice. Unless you apply for a job in the marketing department, it will be someone else’s responsibility to do the company’s promotional work, to pull in the clients.
If you want to do your own thing, however, a commitment to business marketing must be part of the mix. That’s the difference between being self-employed and self-unemployed.
If you want to do your own thing, however, a commitment to business marketing must be part of the mix. That’s the difference between being self-employed and self-unemployed.
Working on your business and in your business
Every independent editorial business owner has two jobs:
There’s no way around this. The approach we use to find work will depend on who our target clients are. Think social media, content marketing, advertising, directory listings, professional membership, a visible website, letters, emails, networking, phone calls, and SEO. All or some of these will be in play.
If a no-time mindset is tripping you up, ask yourself whether you can imagine saying any of the following:
Those statements sound daft, don’t they? Of course we’d make time for editing, invoicing and checking spelling! We’re professionals and we’re business owners – those things are essential.
Finding work is just as important. If we don’t, there’s no editing to do, no invoices to send, no spellings to check.
Since we’re employers (of ourselves), not employees, we must do our own marketing, right from the get-go, and continue to do it for as long as we’re in business.
- The work they do
- And the work they do to get the work they do
There’s no way around this. The approach we use to find work will depend on who our target clients are. Think social media, content marketing, advertising, directory listings, professional membership, a visible website, letters, emails, networking, phone calls, and SEO. All or some of these will be in play.
If a no-time mindset is tripping you up, ask yourself whether you can imagine saying any of the following:
- I don’t have time to do editing.
- I don’t have time to send invoices.
- I don’t have time to check the spelling of a word in a dictionary.
Those statements sound daft, don’t they? Of course we’d make time for editing, invoicing and checking spelling! We’re professionals and we’re business owners – those things are essential.
Finding work is just as important. If we don’t, there’s no editing to do, no invoices to send, no spellings to check.
Since we’re employers (of ourselves), not employees, we must do our own marketing, right from the get-go, and continue to do it for as long as we’re in business.
Setting up a business and marketing: The order of play
Marketing doesn’t come after we’ve set up our business. That’s a misfire. It views marketing as if it’s a separate entity.
If we spend 12 months training to be a professional editor but dedicate no time to our marketing strategy, all we’ll have at the end is a skillset that’s invisible to everyone but us.
I know how to make lasagne, change a tyre, and remove a thorn from a Labrador’s paw, but those skills in themselves don’t mean people are offering me work as a chef, a mechanic or a veterinary nurse. Why would they? No one but me, my husband, my kid and my dog know I can do that stuff. I’ve not promoted those skills or set up a business around them (nor do I plan to, just in case you’re wondering!).
If you’re serious about becoming a professional editor, so much so that you’ve invested your hard-earned cash in a high-quality training course, start working on your marketing strategy at the same time so that you don’t end up as a professional thumb-twiddler!
If we spend 12 months training to be a professional editor but dedicate no time to our marketing strategy, all we’ll have at the end is a skillset that’s invisible to everyone but us.
I know how to make lasagne, change a tyre, and remove a thorn from a Labrador’s paw, but those skills in themselves don’t mean people are offering me work as a chef, a mechanic or a veterinary nurse. Why would they? No one but me, my husband, my kid and my dog know I can do that stuff. I’ve not promoted those skills or set up a business around them (nor do I plan to, just in case you’re wondering!).
If you’re serious about becoming a professional editor, so much so that you’ve invested your hard-earned cash in a high-quality training course, start working on your marketing strategy at the same time so that you don’t end up as a professional thumb-twiddler!
Shifting from a no-time mindset to an all-the-time mindset
Whatever marketing approach(es) you choose, do them regularly so that they’re a normal part of editorial business ownership.
Invoicing and tax returns are my least favourite aspects of running a business but I do them anyway. I have to. We all do.
Same thing with marketing. You don’t have to love marketing. You don’t even have to like it. Just do it anyway, all the time. Dedicate time in your business week to the task.
Every time you’re tempted to use that slot in your schedule to do something else, remind yourself that you don’t want to be self-unemployed, that you do want to earn a living from your editing business, and that when the client cupboard is bare it makes you feel miserable and stressed.
Invoicing and tax returns are my least favourite aspects of running a business but I do them anyway. I have to. We all do.
Same thing with marketing. You don’t have to love marketing. You don’t even have to like it. Just do it anyway, all the time. Dedicate time in your business week to the task.
Every time you’re tempted to use that slot in your schedule to do something else, remind yourself that you don’t want to be self-unemployed, that you do want to earn a living from your editing business, and that when the client cupboard is bare it makes you feel miserable and stressed.
Taking a strategic approach to marketing
Here are three things every editor needs to recognize about strategy:
A long-term marketing strategy is planned, targeted, and implemented continuously. That’s what keeps the cupboard full of good-fit clients, and what gives us the power to decide a project’s not a good fit, the price isn’t right, or the scheduling’s too tight.
- ‘I'd better do a bit of marketing because I’ve got no work lined up next month’ is not a strategy. It’s an emergency.
- ‘Great! I just got some work for next month so I don’t have to do any marketing for a while’ is not a strategy. It’s a recipe for a future emergency.
- ‘I’ll accept that horrible low-paid job because it’s better than nothing’ is not a strategy. It’s a business model that puts others in control.
A long-term marketing strategy is planned, targeted, and implemented continuously. That’s what keeps the cupboard full of good-fit clients, and what gives us the power to decide a project’s not a good fit, the price isn’t right, or the scheduling’s too tight.
Summing up
If you’re already marketing your editing business, fantastic. If you’re not, start now and don’t stop!
You don’t have to do your marketing the way I do my marketing. The foundation of my strategy is content marketing, but that’s because I work exclusively with independent authors in a specialist genre, and want those authors to find me via Google.
Your marketing strategy should reflect the best method of being visible to your ideal clients. That might mean sending emails, making phones calls, engaging in a group or forum, or advertising in a particular space.
And even if you don’t like marketing, make it part of your business practice anyway. Place it alongside the other aspects of your business that you’re obliged to do but would rather not. Why? Because marketing can mean the difference between working and walking away. If you’ve already invested your energy and money in training, that’s a waste of your valuable skills. You deserve more than that.
And who knows? You might even enjoy promoting your business once you start reaping the fruits of your labour!
You don’t have to do your marketing the way I do my marketing. The foundation of my strategy is content marketing, but that’s because I work exclusively with independent authors in a specialist genre, and want those authors to find me via Google.
Your marketing strategy should reflect the best method of being visible to your ideal clients. That might mean sending emails, making phones calls, engaging in a group or forum, or advertising in a particular space.
And even if you don’t like marketing, make it part of your business practice anyway. Place it alongside the other aspects of your business that you’re obliged to do but would rather not. Why? Because marketing can mean the difference between working and walking away. If you’ve already invested your energy and money in training, that’s a waste of your valuable skills. You deserve more than that.
And who knows? You might even enjoy promoting your business once you start reaping the fruits of your labour!
More marketing resources
Check out these additional resources about building a sustainable editorial business:
- Blogging for Business Growth (course)
- Branding for Business Growth (course)
- Business Skills Collection (6 ebooks)
- Marketing resource library (books, booklets and blogs and podcasts)
- Marketing Toolbox for Editors (multimedia course)
- Marketing Your Editing and Proofreading Business (book)
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Does ‘said’ come before or after the subject in a dialogue tag? Does it matter? This post explores the options and offers practical recommendations that serve writers seeking to build their author platform.
In this post ...
Read on to find out more about the following:
- What a dialogue tag is
- Why tags should support, not supplant dialogue
- Tagging: Positioning the verb in relation to pronouns
- Tagging: Positioning the verb in relation to nouns
- Standing out in ways that serve reader expectations
What a dialogue tag is
A dialogue tag, or speech tag, is the short piece of text that tells a reader that a character is speaking, and which character is speaking. For example:
Effective dialogue tags use verbs from which the reader can infer that the action of speech is taking place. Examples include ‘said’, ‘asked’, ‘replied’, ‘whispered’, ‘muttered’, ‘yelled’, ‘continued’ and ‘added’.
Ineffective dialogue tags use verbs that bring to mind action that’s not related precisely to speech but to some other behaviour. Examples include ‘sneered’, ‘grimaced’, ‘laughed’, ‘harrumphed’, ‘huffed’, ‘sighed’, ‘snarled’ and ‘urged’.
In this post, I’m going to focus on a question that beginner fiction authors and editors often ask about: where to locate ‘said’ and other effective tagging verbs.
First, though, here’s a quick recap about why ‘said’ is such a popular dialogue tag.
- ‘Are you enjoying reading that blog post,’ Louise said.
- ‘I’m interested in learning about dialogue,’ ze replied.
- ‘Can I stick to non-fiction editing?’ he asked.
Effective dialogue tags use verbs from which the reader can infer that the action of speech is taking place. Examples include ‘said’, ‘asked’, ‘replied’, ‘whispered’, ‘muttered’, ‘yelled’, ‘continued’ and ‘added’.
Ineffective dialogue tags use verbs that bring to mind action that’s not related precisely to speech but to some other behaviour. Examples include ‘sneered’, ‘grimaced’, ‘laughed’, ‘harrumphed’, ‘huffed’, ‘sighed’, ‘snarled’ and ‘urged’.
In this post, I’m going to focus on a question that beginner fiction authors and editors often ask about: where to locate ‘said’ and other effective tagging verbs.
First, though, here’s a quick recap about why ‘said’ is such a popular dialogue tag.
Why tags should support, not supplant dialogue
‘Said’ is the most popular speech tag in English-language writing because it’s virtually invisible. Readers are so used to seeing it that they ignore it and instead focus on its mechanical function – to verify who’s doing the speaking.
It’s become so conventional that when authors go out of their way to replace every instance of ‘said’ with alternatives, they risk creating prose that feels laboured.
Showy speech tags in particular stand out, and that means they pull the reader’s attention away from the dialogue and push it towards the speech tag.
That’s not a good reader experience because when characters communicate through speech, that’s where the action is in that moment. The tag should support that action, not supplant it.
You can find out more about how to tag dialogue in Editing Fiction at Sentence Level, including:
Now let’s look at where to place ‘said’ and other tagging verbs.
It’s become so conventional that when authors go out of their way to replace every instance of ‘said’ with alternatives, they risk creating prose that feels laboured.
Showy speech tags in particular stand out, and that means they pull the reader’s attention away from the dialogue and push it towards the speech tag.
That’s not a good reader experience because when characters communicate through speech, that’s where the action is in that moment. The tag should support that action, not supplant it.
You can find out more about how to tag dialogue in Editing Fiction at Sentence Level, including:
- Showy speech tags and underdeveloped dialogue
- Showy speech tags and double-telling
- Non-speech-based dialogue tags and the reality flop
- Alternatives to showy speech tags – more on action beats
- Using proper nouns and pronouns in dialogue tags
- Omitting dialogue tags
Now let’s look at where to place ‘said’ and other tagging verbs.
Tagging: Positioning the verb in relation to pronouns
Regardless of which pronouns are in play, it’s conventional in contemporary commercial fiction to place ‘said’ or any other tagging verb after the pronoun. Take a look at what’s on your bookshelf. Examples are easy to find. Here are some from my collection.
- “I know,” she says. “I’m violating the cardinal rule of family night.” (Crouch: Dark Matter)
- ‘I could do your job myself, if that’s what you mean,’ he’d said at last. (Herron: Slough House)
- “I don’t have no fucking mask,” he said. (Connelly: The Dark Hours)
- “Me and Jaymie will call it. You want your boy to go too?” he said. (Crosby: Blacktop Wasteland)
Let’s have a look at those examples when the verb is placed before the pronouns.
- “I know,” says she. “I’m violating the cardinal rule of family night.”
- ‘I could do your job myself, if that’s what you mean,’ said he at last.
- “I don’t have no fucking mask,” said he.
- “Me and Jaymie will call it. You want your boy to go too?” said he.
There’s actually nothing grammatically wrong with any of the edited examples, though I wasn't able to retain the past perfect in the second. What has gone awry is the narrative setting.
The dialogue is written in contemporary English but the verb placement evokes a distinctly historical feel that’s inappropriate.
So how about when nouns rather than pronouns are in play?
The dialogue is written in contemporary English but the verb placement evokes a distinctly historical feel that’s inappropriate.
So how about when nouns rather than pronouns are in play?
Tagging: Positioning the verb in relation to nouns
Authors published by mainstream presses tend to follow the same convention: the verb follows the noun. Once more, a visit to your bookshelf will confirm the frequency in contemporary commercial fiction. Here are some more examples from my collection.
- “There was nothing you could have done,” Judith said. (Coben: Fool Me Once)
- ‘Are you feeling the cold?’ Danny asked. (McDermid: 1979)
- “Sir, I can’t help you until you get a mask,” Moore said. (Connelly: The Dark Hours)
- “The question is, do you have the balls to back it up?” Kelvin said. (Crosby: Blacktop Wasteland)
Now let’s move the verb so that it sits before the noun.
- “There was nothing you could have done,” said Judith.
- ‘Are you feeling the cold?’ asked Danny.
- “Sir, I can’t help you until you get a mask,” said Moore.
- “The question is, do you have the balls to back it up?” said Kelvin.
Again, there’s nothing grammatically problematic about this structure. Furthermore, the switch doesn’t jar in the same way as when the subjects are pronouns.
So how should independent authors (and the editors who support them) approach the structure of a tag?
So how should independent authors (and the editors who support them) approach the structure of a tag?
Standing out in ways that serve reader expectations
I recommend my authors follow the noun-first convention, not because it’s right, or best, or grammatically correct, or the only one true way, but because when it comes to contemporary commercial fiction:
When readers are presented with stories that break with convention, there’s a risk that the story’s no longer the standout feature. Instead, those with strong preferences focus on minutiae that challenge their expectations.
That focus isn’t serving a writer who’s trying to build their author platform.
Mick Herron has built enough trust with his readership with his brilliant Jackson Lamb series that no one will bat an eyelid when they read the following in Slough House:
Nevertheless, I scoured the first chapter of that book and found that in the main he still favours placing the verb after the subject.
- lots of potential buyers of their books have come to expect this construction
- and it's the approach that mainstream presses tend to take.
When readers are presented with stories that break with convention, there’s a risk that the story’s no longer the standout feature. Instead, those with strong preferences focus on minutiae that challenge their expectations.
That focus isn’t serving a writer who’s trying to build their author platform.
Mick Herron has built enough trust with his readership with his brilliant Jackson Lamb series that no one will bat an eyelid when they read the following in Slough House:
- ‘Ian Fleming,’ said Diana Taverner. ‘Means “Death to spies”.’
Nevertheless, I scoured the first chapter of that book and found that in the main he still favours placing the verb after the subject.
Summing up
Placing ‘said’ and other speech-related verbs after the subject isn’t a ‘rule’ that must be applied in order to ensure a dialogue tag is grammatically correct.
However, it’s such a common convention that I recommend indie authors of contemporary commercial fiction follow it.
When the subjects in a tag are pronouns, this structure is essential for retaining a contemporary feel. When the subjects are nouns, placing them first gives the pedants one less thing to gripe about.
However, it’s such a common convention that I recommend indie authors of contemporary commercial fiction follow it.
When the subjects in a tag are pronouns, this structure is essential for retaining a contemporary feel. When the subjects are nouns, placing them first gives the pedants one less thing to gripe about.
Related reading and training
- Coben, H., Fool Me Once, Arrow, 2016 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- Connelly, M, The Dark Hours, Orion, 2021 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- Crosby, SA, Blacktop Wasteland, Headline, 2021 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- Crouch, B, Dark Matter, Pan, 2017 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- Harnby, L, Editing Fiction at Sentence Level, Panx Press, 2020
- Herron, M, Slough House, John Murray, 2021 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
- McDermid, V, 1979, Little, Brown, 2021 (Chapter 1, Kindle edition)
Fiction editing training courses
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Are your thriller’s sentences front-loaded with filter words? If so, you could be slowing your reader down. This post explains what filter words are, how they affect a sentence and how to decide whether to include them or ditch them.
What’s in this post ...
Read on to find out more about:
- Why the start of a sentence is important.
- What filter words are.
- How filter words reduce momentum.
- How filter words make space for reflection.
Why the start of a sentence is important
If you’ve read any guidance about online writing, you’ll have come across the concept of front-loading a sentence. It means putting the most important stuff at the start. The idea is that website visitors are busy and scan for relevance. The quicker they find it, the more likely they are to engage.
While a novel that reads like a Google snippet from start to finish isn’t likely to win any prizes, the principle is worth paying attention to because the information at the start of a novel’s sentence is still what the reader will pay most attention to.
The start of a sentence is therefore valuable real estate. If filter words are being assigned to that top spot too often, more interesting subjects and verbs are likely being demoted.
While a novel that reads like a Google snippet from start to finish isn’t likely to win any prizes, the principle is worth paying attention to because the information at the start of a novel’s sentence is still what the reader will pay most attention to.
The start of a sentence is therefore valuable real estate. If filter words are being assigned to that top spot too often, more interesting subjects and verbs are likely being demoted.
What are filter words?
In everyday speech, we sometimes use the term ‘filter’ to convey a sense of slowdown or separation, usually because of a barrier of some sort. For example:
In literature, filter words are verbs that do a similar thing – they slow down the reader’s access to what the viewpoint character is experiencing.
Examples include 'watched', 'saw', 'noticed', 'spotted', 'looked at', 'felt', 'thought', 'wondered', 'heard', 'realised' and 'knew'.
Take a look at this short excerpt from Chapter 2 of Razorblade Tears by S.A. Cosby.
- Sunlight filtered through the tree canopy.
- Over the next couple of hours, information about the explosion filtered out of the camp.
- The children filtered through the turnstile and lined up in in yard.
In literature, filter words are verbs that do a similar thing – they slow down the reader’s access to what the viewpoint character is experiencing.
Examples include 'watched', 'saw', 'noticed', 'spotted', 'looked at', 'felt', 'thought', 'wondered', 'heard', 'realised' and 'knew'.
Take a look at this short excerpt from Chapter 2 of Razorblade Tears by S.A. Cosby.
- Ike Randolph let go of his wife's hand. She slumped against him.
Ike is the viewpoint character, which means we experience the scene from his perspective.
Notice first what’s front-loading those two sentences. The subjects (Ike in the first, ‘she’ – Ike’s wife – in the second) and the verbs ‘let go’ and ‘slumped’.
That front-loading forces our gaze outwards – first towards Ike, then towards the movement of Ike’s wife’s body.
Now let’s introduce a filter word.
Notice first what’s front-loading those two sentences. The subjects (Ike in the first, ‘she’ – Ike’s wife – in the second) and the verbs ‘let go’ and ‘slumped’.
That front-loading forces our gaze outwards – first towards Ike, then towards the movement of Ike’s wife’s body.
Now let’s introduce a filter word.
- Ike Randolph let go of his wife's hand. He watched as she slumped against him.
Now the second sentence is front-loaded with a new verb – ‘watched’. Our access to the movement (the slumping) has been slowed down. We can’t shift directly to it without taking an extra step that involves centring our gaze for just a second on Ike’s watching.
In that brief moment, we’re no longer looking outward at what Ike’s experiencing. Instead, we’re looking inward at Ike and how he acquires that experience – by watching.
Less experienced writers can be tempted to overuse filter words. Indeed, it’s one of the most common problems I see in my editing studio. At sentence-level revision stage – whether that work’s being done by the writer themselves or with the help of a professional editor – it’s therefore worth watching out for them and assessing whether they’re impeding the novel’s pace.
In that brief moment, we’re no longer looking outward at what Ike’s experiencing. Instead, we’re looking inward at Ike and how he acquires that experience – by watching.
Less experienced writers can be tempted to overuse filter words. Indeed, it’s one of the most common problems I see in my editing studio. At sentence-level revision stage – whether that work’s being done by the writer themselves or with the help of a professional editor – it’s therefore worth watching out for them and assessing whether they’re impeding the novel’s pace.
When filter words reduce momentum
Thrillers are supposed to thrill, and action-packed scenes such as escapes, fights, heists and chases need to be written with razor-sharp precision so that readers don’t start skimming.
Problematic filter words can appear anywhere in a sentence, but front-loading sentences with them is even more likely to rip the momentum out of the prose. If you want your readers to focus on the action, make sure that any you retain are earning their keep.
Take a look at an excerpt from a published thriller that I’ve fiddled with. It’s a heist scene and the action takes place in a matter of seconds. The viewpoint character is coked up to his eyeballs and desperate, acting on impulse.
Problematic filter words can appear anywhere in a sentence, but front-loading sentences with them is even more likely to rip the momentum out of the prose. If you want your readers to focus on the action, make sure that any you retain are earning their keep.
Take a look at an excerpt from a published thriller that I’ve fiddled with. It’s a heist scene and the action takes place in a matter of seconds. The viewpoint character is coked up to his eyeballs and desperate, acting on impulse.
|
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He knew that under normal circumstances he would never put his hands on a lady. However, these were not normal circumstances. Not, he thought, by a long shot.
Ronnie struck the manager just above her right eye with the butt of the .38. He watched as a divot the width of a popsicle stick appeared above her eye. Blood spewed from the wound like water from a broken faucet. |
The three instances of filtering moderate the pace and draw our attention towards the narrator’s doing knowing, thinking and watching, none of which are as interesting as what he knows, thinks and watches. All those filter words act as barriers that the reader has to jump over in order to get to the action.
We could even argue that they introduce a sort of voyeurism – as if Ronnie is reflecting on the impact of his violence, almost in slow motion. But that’s not what’s going on here. Rather, he’s wired, out of control and operating in the moment.
And that’s why the unadulterated version of Blacktop Wasteland (p. 113) – also by S.A. Cosby – is perfect:
We could even argue that they introduce a sort of voyeurism – as if Ronnie is reflecting on the impact of his violence, almost in slow motion. But that’s not what’s going on here. Rather, he’s wired, out of control and operating in the moment.
And that’s why the unadulterated version of Blacktop Wasteland (p. 113) – also by S.A. Cosby – is perfect:
|
|
Under normal circumstances he would never put his hands on a lady. However, these were not normal circumstances. Not by a long shot.
Ronnie struck the manager just above her right eye with the butt of the .38. A divot the width of a popsicle stick appeared above her eye. Blood spewed from the wound like water from a broken faucet. |
The filter words have gone, and with them the unintended pathological introspection, but the momentum is restored. We're in the moment with Ronnie as he lashes out. It's no less violent but the pace of the prose now mirrors the action authentically.
When filter words make space for reflection
Sometimes, however, the author wants us to slow down, step back and focus inward on the acquisition of experience.
Let’s take a look at another example from Cosby’s Razorblade Tears, this one also from Chapter 2.
Let’s take a look at another example from Cosby’s Razorblade Tears, this one also from Chapter 2.
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The little girl sitting in her lap played with Mya's braids. Ike looked at the girl. Skin the color of honey with hair to match. Arianna had just turned three the week before her parents died. Did she have any inkling of what was happening? When Mya had told her that her daddies were asleep, she seemed to accept it without too much trouble. He envied the elasticity of her mind. She could wrap her head around this in a way that he couldn't.
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The filter phrase is ‘looked at’, and it’s important. Ike is looking hard at what’s in front of him. As will be revealed later, this girl is his murdered son’s daughter. Ike recalls something he’d said to his son a few months earlier: ‘But that little girl, she gonna have it hard enough already. She's half Black. Her mama was somebody you paid to carry her, and she got two gay daddies. So now what?’
Ike and his wife will now be raising the little girl. Cosby wants to focus our attention inward for a moment on Ike’s reflection, and the filter word makes space for that.
While filter words can be effective when they’re used to create a sense of introspection, littering prose with them will be disruptive and pull the reader out of the viewpoint character's headspace. In other words, the psychic or narrative distance will be widened and we’ll feel disconnected from the immediacy of the character’s experience.
For that reason, always use filter words judiciously. In the above example, Cosby offers just a single nudge, and it’s enough.
Ike and his wife will now be raising the little girl. Cosby wants to focus our attention inward for a moment on Ike’s reflection, and the filter word makes space for that.
While filter words can be effective when they’re used to create a sense of introspection, littering prose with them will be disruptive and pull the reader out of the viewpoint character's headspace. In other words, the psychic or narrative distance will be widened and we’ll feel disconnected from the immediacy of the character’s experience.
For that reason, always use filter words judiciously. In the above example, Cosby offers just a single nudge, and it’s enough.
Summing up
Every filter word needs to be assessed on its own merits. Some will have a place in a novel because the author wants to introduce a sense of introspection into a viewpoint character’s narrative. Just bear in mind the following:
- When filter words front-load a sentence, they’re the first thing a reader notices.
- They destroy momentum and so are often best avoided in pacy action scenes, regardless of their position.
- And even if they do serve a purpose – focusing a reader’s attention inwards on how the viewpoint character acquires the experience they’re reporting (by looking, thinking, feeling etc.) – it's worth keeping their use to a bare minimum. One nudge will likely be enough.
Further reading
Take a look at these related resources for editors and writers. They'll help you develop your fiction line craft:
- For editors: Fiction editing learning centre
- For authors: Line craft learning centre
- Becoming a Fiction Editor (free booklet for editors)
- Blacktop Wasteland, Cosby, S.A., Headline, 2020
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level (book for editors and authors)
- Filter words in fiction: Purposeful inclusion and dramatic restriction (blog post)
- Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ (book for editors and authors)
- Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors (course)
- Razorblade Tears, Cosby, S.A., Headline, 2021
- Switching to Fiction (course for editors)
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Here are 6 tips that will help emerging indie authors make informed decisions about their editing and writing process during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and beyond.
1. Understand the different types of editing
Regardless of whether an author’s doing their own editing or working with someone like me, I always advise them to make sure they understand the different levels of editing and the order of play.
The first draft of a book is unlikely to be ready for proofreading. Instead, focus on structure first – so how the story hangs together as a whole.
Next comes stylistic line work that focuses on the flow and rhythm of prose.
Copyediting comes after that. This is the more technical side of the work that looks at consistency and clarity.
Only then is it time for the quality-control stage: proofreading.
Writers who want to know more can watch a video, listen to a podcast episode or download a booklet.
The first draft of a book is unlikely to be ready for proofreading. Instead, focus on structure first – so how the story hangs together as a whole.
Next comes stylistic line work that focuses on the flow and rhythm of prose.
Copyediting comes after that. This is the more technical side of the work that looks at consistency and clarity.
Only then is it time for the quality-control stage: proofreading.
Writers who want to know more can watch a video, listen to a podcast episode or download a booklet.
2. Top tools and methods for writers on a budget
To make the most of your budget, focus on the five Cs:
Community
Take a look at the Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi) and the Society of Authors. They’re two fine examples of organizations who are dedicated to supporting writers at different stages of their journey.
Membership includes access to free and affordable paid-for events and resources. But they offer something else that’s incredibly valuable too – a network of like-minded people.
Trying to make your mark in the publishing world can feel overwhelming, so being able to get advice and inspiration from others on the same journey is priceless.
Content
There’s a ton of useful – and free – guidance about the craft of writing online, so it’s worth budget-sensitive writers spending time digging around in the search engines. However, those interested in sentence-level guidance can visit my resource library as a first port of call.
I also recommend The Creative Penn, a superb knowledge bank through which Joanna Penn guides aspiring authors on how to write, how to get their books published and how to make their work visible. I love Joanna’s genuine and approachable teaching style, and how she makes self-publishing accessible to everyone.
Craft books
Books are the most affordable way I know of accessing high-quality guidance. There are lots – too many to mention here – but I recommend fiction writers start with The Magic of Fiction by Beth Hill because it pays attention to structure and helps writers create a great first draft.
My own Editing Fiction at Sentence Level focuses on line craft that helps writers refine the flow, rhythm, mood, voice and style of their prose.
- community
- content
- craft books
- courses
- conscious language
Community
Take a look at the Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi) and the Society of Authors. They’re two fine examples of organizations who are dedicated to supporting writers at different stages of their journey.
Membership includes access to free and affordable paid-for events and resources. But they offer something else that’s incredibly valuable too – a network of like-minded people.
Trying to make your mark in the publishing world can feel overwhelming, so being able to get advice and inspiration from others on the same journey is priceless.
Content
There’s a ton of useful – and free – guidance about the craft of writing online, so it’s worth budget-sensitive writers spending time digging around in the search engines. However, those interested in sentence-level guidance can visit my resource library as a first port of call.
I also recommend The Creative Penn, a superb knowledge bank through which Joanna Penn guides aspiring authors on how to write, how to get their books published and how to make their work visible. I love Joanna’s genuine and approachable teaching style, and how she makes self-publishing accessible to everyone.
Craft books
Books are the most affordable way I know of accessing high-quality guidance. There are lots – too many to mention here – but I recommend fiction writers start with The Magic of Fiction by Beth Hill because it pays attention to structure and helps writers create a great first draft.
My own Editing Fiction at Sentence Level focuses on line craft that helps writers refine the flow, rhythm, mood, voice and style of their prose.
For non-fiction writers, Andy Maslen’s Write to Sell is an excellent tool for any content creator who wants to craft a compelling message, something that’s critical for authors when they’re promoting their books.
And Joanna Penn’s How to Write Non-Fiction takes authors step by step through the whole book-creation process – from mindset to marketing and everything else in between.
Courses
Love learning at your own pace? Online courses are an affordable and convenient way to study in a multimedia environment.
There are lots to choose from. For starters, take a look at Joanna Penn’s business-focused author courses, and for craft-based tuition for fiction, try Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors and Preparing Your Book for Submission, two courses from my own training stable.
The National Writing Centre also offers online training that aims to build authors’ confidence. Some of their courses are even free. The NWC also partners with the University of East Anglia to provide more in-depth premium creative-writing courses that come with tutor support.
Conscious language
Anyone who’s aware of the events surrounding Kate Clanchy’s Some Kids I Taught and What They Taught Me will understand the importance of reviewing their work through the lens of representation.
I’m not for a minute suggesting that a work of fiction or non-fiction has to follow a set of prescribed ‘rules’ about what can or can’t be written, but rather that writing means applying the same mindfulness to the words we put on a page as those that come out of our mouths.
When we write, we’re building a relationship with our readers, even though we don’t know who most of them are. And so consciously considering whether our words are helping or harming is just good human practice – one that means our books function as we intend them to, whether that’s to teach or to entertain.
For authors who want a little more guidance on this, I have a free booklet on inclusive and respectful writing. It doesn’t prescribe, just helps writers make informed decisions.
And Joanna Penn’s How to Write Non-Fiction takes authors step by step through the whole book-creation process – from mindset to marketing and everything else in between.
Courses
Love learning at your own pace? Online courses are an affordable and convenient way to study in a multimedia environment.
There are lots to choose from. For starters, take a look at Joanna Penn’s business-focused author courses, and for craft-based tuition for fiction, try Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors and Preparing Your Book for Submission, two courses from my own training stable.
The National Writing Centre also offers online training that aims to build authors’ confidence. Some of their courses are even free. The NWC also partners with the University of East Anglia to provide more in-depth premium creative-writing courses that come with tutor support.
Conscious language
Anyone who’s aware of the events surrounding Kate Clanchy’s Some Kids I Taught and What They Taught Me will understand the importance of reviewing their work through the lens of representation.
I’m not for a minute suggesting that a work of fiction or non-fiction has to follow a set of prescribed ‘rules’ about what can or can’t be written, but rather that writing means applying the same mindfulness to the words we put on a page as those that come out of our mouths.
When we write, we’re building a relationship with our readers, even though we don’t know who most of them are. And so consciously considering whether our words are helping or harming is just good human practice – one that means our books function as we intend them to, whether that’s to teach or to entertain.
For authors who want a little more guidance on this, I have a free booklet on inclusive and respectful writing. It doesn’t prescribe, just helps writers make informed decisions.
3. Manage your first draft appropriately
The first draft isn’t usually something that should be sent to an editor. More often, the first draft is where the author lays down the story just as it comes.
Once that’s done, put the book away – just let it sit for a while – then revisit it and decide what’s working and what isn’t, what needs refining, amplifying or deleting.
Perhaps follow Sophie Hannah and Jeffery Deaver’s lead and create detailed outlines that help keep you on track even at first-draft stage. You can read more about Hannah’s method in ‘Why and how I plan my novels’.
If you do decide to work with an editor, invest time in finding someone who’s a great fit for you: someone who gets you and is engaged with what you’re doing with your writing.
That person should also be offering the right level of editing (see 1. Understand the different types of editing).
And tell them if you’re nervous about being edited; it’s perfectly normal to feel that way. Just bear in mind that they’re on your side and are working for you, for your book and for your reader!
Once that’s done, put the book away – just let it sit for a while – then revisit it and decide what’s working and what isn’t, what needs refining, amplifying or deleting.
Perhaps follow Sophie Hannah and Jeffery Deaver’s lead and create detailed outlines that help keep you on track even at first-draft stage. You can read more about Hannah’s method in ‘Why and how I plan my novels’.
If you do decide to work with an editor, invest time in finding someone who’s a great fit for you: someone who gets you and is engaged with what you’re doing with your writing.
That person should also be offering the right level of editing (see 1. Understand the different types of editing).
And tell them if you’re nervous about being edited; it’s perfectly normal to feel that way. Just bear in mind that they’re on your side and are working for you, for your book and for your reader!
4. Understand the difference between style, convention and peevery
I'm sometimes asked: 'What’s your biggest writing pet peeve as an editor?' My answer is: There’s no room for pet peeves in professional editing – or at least there shouldn’t be.
Do I have preferences? I do – everyone does – but that’s all they are and they have no business in the work that editors do for their clients. Our job is to focus on a client’s goals, the world of their story, and the readers who’ll come along for the journey.
There are stylistic and grammatical conventions in writing, and a professional editor should understand those and be mindful of them, but editing requires a malleable mindset that respects voice and rhythm as much as anything else.
It’s about sense and sensibility, not prescriptivism and pedantry.
Listen right here to this collection of episodes from The Editing Podcast on language, grammar and style:
Do I have preferences? I do – everyone does – but that’s all they are and they have no business in the work that editors do for their clients. Our job is to focus on a client’s goals, the world of their story, and the readers who’ll come along for the journey.
There are stylistic and grammatical conventions in writing, and a professional editor should understand those and be mindful of them, but editing requires a malleable mindset that respects voice and rhythm as much as anything else.
It’s about sense and sensibility, not prescriptivism and pedantry.
Listen right here to this collection of episodes from The Editing Podcast on language, grammar and style:
5. Recognize the pros and cons of being your own publisher
The main advantage of being an indie author is that you get to control everything.
The main disadvantage is … you get to control everything!
You’re the publisher as well as the writer, which means you decide which books to write and publish, what the cover will look like, which levels of editorial help to commission, which channels to distribute your book through, what the price will be, what formats the book will be available in, and how your promotion strategy will play out.
That’s a lot of work – work that costs you time and money. Publishers will do some of it for you. Still, that will come at a cost because you’ll be taking a royalty that’s likely lower than the return from selling direct.
Being your own publisher isn’t everyone’s wheelhouse, but for those who want to be in control, there’s never been a better time to wear that hat because of all the technical solutions available to authors.
Any writer can use Amazon. It’s the biggest bookstore on the planet. But you might want to sell direct via your website, too, because that’s your very own shop window.
Platforms like Payhip and BookFunnel have made that possible, and it’s made it easy … not just for you but for your customers too.
And for authors who are not only writing but also teaching about writing, there are multiple platforms that support that too – LearnDash (Wordpress plugin), LearnWorlds and Teachable for example.
The main disadvantage is … you get to control everything!
You’re the publisher as well as the writer, which means you decide which books to write and publish, what the cover will look like, which levels of editorial help to commission, which channels to distribute your book through, what the price will be, what formats the book will be available in, and how your promotion strategy will play out.
That’s a lot of work – work that costs you time and money. Publishers will do some of it for you. Still, that will come at a cost because you’ll be taking a royalty that’s likely lower than the return from selling direct.
Being your own publisher isn’t everyone’s wheelhouse, but for those who want to be in control, there’s never been a better time to wear that hat because of all the technical solutions available to authors.
Any writer can use Amazon. It’s the biggest bookstore on the planet. But you might want to sell direct via your website, too, because that’s your very own shop window.
Platforms like Payhip and BookFunnel have made that possible, and it’s made it easy … not just for you but for your customers too.
And for authors who are not only writing but also teaching about writing, there are multiple platforms that support that too – LearnDash (Wordpress plugin), LearnWorlds and Teachable for example.
6. Take control of cramped and communal work spaces
Having a dedicated work space means you're not shifting two large monitors and a hard drive off the dinner table every evening. For those working from home, having a place where your business ‘lives’ helps you separate writing from family life.
I realize that everyone’s situation is different, but I hope at least one of the following tips will speak to anyone trying to carve out a dedicated work space.
I realize that everyone’s situation is different, but I hope at least one of the following tips will speak to anyone trying to carve out a dedicated work space.
- Agree boundaries in shared spaces: Decide which part is yours and which is theirs, and respect that.
- Create boundaries in multifunctional spaces: Some writers have to work in a bedroom, kitchen or living room. If there’s enough space, fence off a corner with a panelled room divider. These can be pricey so an alternative is to install a rail and fashion a curtain from an old duvet cover or sheet.
- Use mobile desks in cramped spaces: Mobile desks are readily available online and are priced competitively so that even writers on a smaller budget can house a monitor, keyboard, mouse and hard drive. Complement with a storage trolley for your books and stationery. Wheel the whole lot into another room when required!
Summing up
There’s a lot to think about when you decide to become your own publisher – not just what you write but also who supports you during that process, the ways you’ll invest in developing your craft and how to manage the space in which your books are written.
You’re not alone. There’s a ton of help available to help you … whatever your budget and whatever subject or genre you’re writing in. These 6 tips barely scratch the surface, but I hope they at least inspire you to take the next steps of your indie-author journey with confidence.
You’re not alone. There’s a ton of help available to help you … whatever your budget and whatever subject or genre you’re writing in. These 6 tips barely scratch the surface, but I hope they at least inspire you to take the next steps of your indie-author journey with confidence.
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Find out what narrative distance is and why fiction editors and authors need to pay attention to it.
What’s in this post ...
- What is narrative distance?
- Are narrative distance and psychic distance the same thing?
- How is narrative distance related to narrative style?
- Why writers and editors need to learn about narrative distance
- Using a visual framework to understand narrative distance
- Related resources for you to dig into
What is narrative distance?
Narrative means story. It’s the part of a novel that isn’t dialogue.
A narrator is the person who tells the story. They can be a character in the book or an entity that stands outside it.
There can be multiple narrators in a book, too. That allows the author to present events from multiple perspectives.
‘Narrative distance’ describes the space between a novel’s narrator and the reader.
A narrator is the person who tells the story. They can be a character in the book or an entity that stands outside it.
There can be multiple narrators in a book, too. That allows the author to present events from multiple perspectives.
‘Narrative distance’ describes the space between a novel’s narrator and the reader.
- If we, as readers, feel deeply connected to the narrator and their experience of the fictional world they inhabit, narrative distance is tiny.
- If we feel dislocated from them, more like we’re looking out on the story’s landscape objectively, the narrative distance is wide.
Are narrative distance and psychic distance the same thing?
Yes, narrative distance and psychic distance are the same thing. Some writers and editors use one term, some the other. They’re interchangeable. Use whichever you feel comfortable with.
You might find one or other useful depending on what issues you’re dealing with when you’re writing or editing. I like the word ‘narrative’ because it reminds me what part of the prose I’m dealing with.
Then again, I sometimes use the word ‘psychic’ because it reminds me that although I’m dealing with fiction, and therefore something that’s not real, the narrator within that creative realm still has their own lived experience and a raft of emotions that come with that.
You might find one or other useful depending on what issues you’re dealing with when you’re writing or editing. I like the word ‘narrative’ because it reminds me what part of the prose I’m dealing with.
Then again, I sometimes use the word ‘psychic’ because it reminds me that although I’m dealing with fiction, and therefore something that’s not real, the narrator within that creative realm still has their own lived experience and a raft of emotions that come with that.
How is narrative distance related to narrative style?
Narrative style refers to the way in which the narrator offers their perspective. Common narrative styles include:
Each of those narrative styles come with a certain degree of distance between the narrator and the reader.
For example, first-person narrations always feel a little more intimate because the pronoun ‘I’ is used. Second-person narrations can feel equally intimate, but in a voyeuristic way.
Third-person narrations – and the pronouns that come with them – are what we’re used to using for those not being directly addressed, so in prose they naturally put space between readers and narrators using the third person.
When we move beyond a framework of narrative style and start to think specifically in terms of narrative distance, we’re able to analyse the effectiveness of prose in a more nuanced and flexible way.
- First-person limited
- Third-person limited
- Third-person objective
- Third-person omniscient
Each of those narrative styles come with a certain degree of distance between the narrator and the reader.
For example, first-person narrations always feel a little more intimate because the pronoun ‘I’ is used. Second-person narrations can feel equally intimate, but in a voyeuristic way.
Third-person narrations – and the pronouns that come with them – are what we’re used to using for those not being directly addressed, so in prose they naturally put space between readers and narrators using the third person.
When we move beyond a framework of narrative style and start to think specifically in terms of narrative distance, we’re able to analyse the effectiveness of prose in a more nuanced and flexible way.
Why writers and editors need to learn about narrative distance
Take a book off your shelf and read a couple of pages. Even though the entire section might be written in a single narrative style – for example, third-person limited, it’s likely that the narrative distance still changes.
Perhaps you’ve never noticed before, and if that’s the case, the author and their editor have done a great job because the movement is seamless.
If that movement is jarring and too obvious, it could be an indication that narrative distance isn’t being controlled sufficiently. Editors and writers who can recognize narrative distance and evaluate its effectiveness are better equipped to solve the problem, and justify their solutions.
Perhaps you’ve never noticed before, and if that’s the case, the author and their editor have done a great job because the movement is seamless.
If that movement is jarring and too obvious, it could be an indication that narrative distance isn’t being controlled sufficiently. Editors and writers who can recognize narrative distance and evaluate its effectiveness are better equipped to solve the problem, and justify their solutions.
Using a visual framework to understand narrative distance
Are you confused by narrative distance? Don’t worry – you’re not alone! It’s a complex topic. Even experienced line editors and authors can struggle to get their heads around it.
My solution was to structure my own learning as a visual framework. I presented that framework at the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading’s annual conference in September 2021 and then for the Society of Authors in October 2021.
The framework I shared at those two events garnered fabulous reviews and convinced me to record a webinar that everyone could access.
Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors is available now to anyone who wants to lift the curtain on narrative distance and use it to craft prose that offers a better reader experience.
Use the button below to find out what’s included in the course.
My solution was to structure my own learning as a visual framework. I presented that framework at the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading’s annual conference in September 2021 and then for the Society of Authors in October 2021.
The framework I shared at those two events garnered fabulous reviews and convinced me to record a webinar that everyone could access.
Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors is available now to anyone who wants to lift the curtain on narrative distance and use it to craft prose that offers a better reader experience.
Use the button below to find out what’s included in the course.
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If you’re a CIEP member, don’t forget that you can save 20% on all my courses. Log in to Promoted courses · Louise Harnby’s online courses. Then enter the coupon code at my checkout.
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Related resources for you to dig into
- Blog post: 7 reasons why I’m not the right editor for you
- Blog post: How to avoid repeating ‘I’ in first-person writing
- Blog post: How to show the emotions of non-viewpoint characters
- Blog post: What’s the difference between a viewpoint character and a protagonist?
- Book: Editing Fiction at Sentence Level
- Book: Making Sense of Point of View
- Course: How to Write the Perfect Fiction Editorial Report
- Course: Switching to Fiction
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Learn about problematic language, the messages it might unintentionally convey, and how we can talk about the editorial conundrums we come across without judgement.
Embedding the language of preference in editorial discussion
Words are the professional editor’s business, yet the ones we use in the course of discussing how we apply our craft are all too often prescriptive.
Most editors, however experienced, encounter conundrums in their work that lead to their seeking advice from colleagues. Too often, the language of prescription is used to frame questions:
The problem with notions such as ‘right’, ‘correct’ and ‘rule’ is that they’re loaded. The implication is that there’s one way – a best way – to write and to edit.
In reality, there are multiple ways to punctuate a sentence, each of which could alter its flow and rhythm in nuanced ways.
There are multiple Englishes, too, each with grammatical and syntactical structures that vary from region to region within nations as well as from country to country.
And there are multiple style guides that express particular preferences.
All of which means there is no ‘correct’ way to punctuate a sentence, no ‘right’ grammar, and no ‘rule’ on hyphenation. What there are instead are conventions and choices that that can be implemented or ignored.
Instead, we could ask:
The artistry of editing lies in helping the client craft prose in which the meaning is clear and interpreted as intended by readers. Embedding that principle – rather than the language of rights and rules – in the way we talk about our work means we’re more likely to think descriptively rather than prescriptively.
Most editors, however experienced, encounter conundrums in their work that lead to their seeking advice from colleagues. Too often, the language of prescription is used to frame questions:
- ‘What’s the correct way to punctuate this sentence?’
- ‘Is the grammar in this sentence right?’
- ‘What’s APA’s rule for hyphenating [...]?’
The problem with notions such as ‘right’, ‘correct’ and ‘rule’ is that they’re loaded. The implication is that there’s one way – a best way – to write and to edit.
In reality, there are multiple ways to punctuate a sentence, each of which could alter its flow and rhythm in nuanced ways.
There are multiple Englishes, too, each with grammatical and syntactical structures that vary from region to region within nations as well as from country to country.
And there are multiple style guides that express particular preferences.
All of which means there is no ‘correct’ way to punctuate a sentence, no ‘right’ grammar, and no ‘rule’ on hyphenation. What there are instead are conventions and choices that that can be implemented or ignored.
Instead, we could ask:
- ‘How can I punctuate this sentence to convey urgency? The author’s used commas but I’m wondering if spaced en dashes would be effective.’
- ‘Is the grammar in this sentence distracting or is the sense clear? The narrator is from [...] but I’m not.’
- ‘What’s APA’s preference for hyphenating [...]?’
The artistry of editing lies in helping the client craft prose in which the meaning is clear and interpreted as intended by readers. Embedding that principle – rather than the language of rights and rules – in the way we talk about our work means we’re more likely to think descriptively rather than prescriptively.
Whose standards and conventions are in play?
There are myriad standards and conventions in language, ones that determine the following for example:
When we come across writing that doesn’t conform to these standards and conventions, some of us choose to refer instead to ‘non-standard’ language and ‘breaking from convention’ so as to avoid the judgement embodied in terms such as ‘right’, ‘best’, ‘correct’ and ‘rule’.
It’s been my preference because I felt it was more neutral and framed the issue around reader expectation rather than my own lived experience of language.
And that’s something I’ve been thinking about.
Why? Because these terms, too, need to be used with caution. We need to be aware that while standards and conventions help readers make sense of the written and spoken word, they are created and enforced by those with advantage, those who have the power to deem them as standard and conventional in the first place, and to assert their primacy.
That doesn’t make those standards and conventions better; it just means those who define them are in a position to do so. It also means that prose can be just as rich when those standards and conventions are ignored or flexed.
- How words are spelled in various Englishes
- How dialogue is punctuated
- Whether a term is hyphenated
- How apostrophes convey possession or omission
- Whether to place full points after contracted forms
- Whether the first paragraph in a section is indented or not
- The grammatical structure of a sentence
- How verbs are conjugated
When we come across writing that doesn’t conform to these standards and conventions, some of us choose to refer instead to ‘non-standard’ language and ‘breaking from convention’ so as to avoid the judgement embodied in terms such as ‘right’, ‘best’, ‘correct’ and ‘rule’.
It’s been my preference because I felt it was more neutral and framed the issue around reader expectation rather than my own lived experience of language.
And that’s something I’ve been thinking about.
Why? Because these terms, too, need to be used with caution. We need to be aware that while standards and conventions help readers make sense of the written and spoken word, they are created and enforced by those with advantage, those who have the power to deem them as standard and conventional in the first place, and to assert their primacy.
That doesn’t make those standards and conventions better; it just means those who define them are in a position to do so. It also means that prose can be just as rich when those standards and conventions are ignored or flexed.
What about style guides?
Individuals and organizations have preferences. For example, the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), the University of Chicago Press and the American Psychological Association each have style guides that record their preferences for myriad stylistic decisions.
Mindful editing means remembering that these preferences aren’t ‘right’ or ‘better’. They’re certainly not rules. Even Oxford’s New Hart’s Rules isn’t a rulebook! Rather, these are useful guides that help editors and authors bring clarity and consistency to writing.
However, editors – particularly those working on creative texts – need to be ready to bend when character and narrative voice would be damaged by prescriptive application of a style guide.
As for those of us working on texts that deal with identity and representation, we need to be ready to question the advice in a published style guide; it might be behind the curve.
Mindful editing means remembering that these preferences aren’t ‘right’ or ‘better’. They’re certainly not rules. Even Oxford’s New Hart’s Rules isn’t a rulebook! Rather, these are useful guides that help editors and authors bring clarity and consistency to writing.
However, editors – particularly those working on creative texts – need to be ready to bend when character and narrative voice would be damaged by prescriptive application of a style guide.
As for those of us working on texts that deal with identity and representation, we need to be ready to question the advice in a published style guide; it might be behind the curve.
Transferring judgement to the client
If we use the language of ‘right/’wrong’, ‘correct’/’incorrect’ and even ‘standard’/’non-standard’ when we talk to other editors about our work, there’s a risk that this will leak into the way we convey solutions to our clients, even into the way we edit their work.
An author might not write in sentences that follow grammar, spelling and punctuation conventions, but that in no way means they’re a poor crafter of prose. Perhaps the way they lay down words is because they haven’t learned our conventions. Or perhaps they’ve actively chosen to ignore those conventions because that style of language doesn’t suit their character and narrative voices.
The mindful editor needs to recognize and respect both scenarios. Understanding which one is in play is critical because it will determine whether and which amendments are suggested, and why.
An author might not write in sentences that follow grammar, spelling and punctuation conventions, but that in no way means they’re a poor crafter of prose. Perhaps the way they lay down words is because they haven’t learned our conventions. Or perhaps they’ve actively chosen to ignore those conventions because that style of language doesn’t suit their character and narrative voices.
The mindful editor needs to recognize and respect both scenarios. Understanding which one is in play is critical because it will determine whether and which amendments are suggested, and why.
‘Wrong’, ‘non-standard’ or authentic voice?
Here’s an example that demonstrates how an author has chosen to craft a narrative that favours voice over ‘standard’ English now and then in order to reduce the distance between the narrator-protagonist and the reader.
These excerpts are from the opening chapter of Imran Mahmood’s You Don’t Know Me (pp 4–5; Penguin, 2017).
These excerpts are from the opening chapter of Imran Mahmood’s You Don’t Know Me (pp 4–5; Penguin, 2017).
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'I don’t mean it as joke ting, but like as a thing to shake you up. You never knew that I could speak like a professor is it? But I just wanted you to know that there’s more than just that one side to me that you lot saw when I was giving evidence.'
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Are the words I placed in bold ‘incorrect’ or ‘wrong’? That’s a judgemental approach that implies there’s a single perfect, right way to write and speak English. There isn’t.
Are the terms ‘non-standard’? To my ear, yes, some of them are, but that’s because I’m a 50-something middle-class white woman raised in Buckinghamshire, England, who was taught how to write and speak according to a standard dreamt up by … actually, I’m not sure who dreamt up the standard but it was probably someone who looked, spoke and was educated quite a lot like me and had the advantages I have.
Rather than thinking about these excerpts in terms of whether some of the words are non-standard or standard, instead we can evaluate them in terms of voice. Rich, evocative voice.
Our first-person narrator has been accused of murder and has elected to defend himself. As the blurb on the back cover says: ‘He now stands in the dock and wants to tell you the truth. He needs you to believe him. Will you?’
Actually, it’s his authentic voice that draws me – a 54-year-old middle-class white woman raised in Buckinghamshire, England – deep into his psyche so that I can see and hear him as if we are one. And that means I can root for him, invest in him, care about him, believe him.
Thinking about that narrative in terms of whether it’s ‘correct’ or ‘right’ would be butchery. To apply a digital red pen to it would be a crime.
And even those of us who might apply the term ‘non-standard’ to the emboldened words must acknowledge that such prescription is based purely on our own lived experience of English – how we write, how we speak, and what we were taught. That doesn’t make our way of speaking and writing better or worthier.
When story and characters drive language, readers will come along for the ride, regardless of their lived experience. When prescriptivism is behind the wheel, readers will disengage and find a different journey to take.
Are the terms ‘non-standard’? To my ear, yes, some of them are, but that’s because I’m a 50-something middle-class white woman raised in Buckinghamshire, England, who was taught how to write and speak according to a standard dreamt up by … actually, I’m not sure who dreamt up the standard but it was probably someone who looked, spoke and was educated quite a lot like me and had the advantages I have.
Rather than thinking about these excerpts in terms of whether some of the words are non-standard or standard, instead we can evaluate them in terms of voice. Rich, evocative voice.
Our first-person narrator has been accused of murder and has elected to defend himself. As the blurb on the back cover says: ‘He now stands in the dock and wants to tell you the truth. He needs you to believe him. Will you?’
Actually, it’s his authentic voice that draws me – a 54-year-old middle-class white woman raised in Buckinghamshire, England – deep into his psyche so that I can see and hear him as if we are one. And that means I can root for him, invest in him, care about him, believe him.
Thinking about that narrative in terms of whether it’s ‘correct’ or ‘right’ would be butchery. To apply a digital red pen to it would be a crime.
And even those of us who might apply the term ‘non-standard’ to the emboldened words must acknowledge that such prescription is based purely on our own lived experience of English – how we write, how we speak, and what we were taught. That doesn’t make our way of speaking and writing better or worthier.
When story and characters drive language, readers will come along for the ride, regardless of their lived experience. When prescriptivism is behind the wheel, readers will disengage and find a different journey to take.
Framing errors in terms of author intention and reader expectation
An error is a mistake. We all make them when we’re writing – because we don’t know what the conventions are, because we’re focusing on meaning rather than mechanics, or because our fingers are typing so fast.
Regardless, the focus here is on intention, and for that reason there are times when it’s appropriate for the editor to use the term ‘error’.
When editors are tasked with finding errors, they’re looking for what wasn’t intended in that particular project. Take a look at these four examples:
We can say without judgement that there are four ‘errors’ in the above examples because in each case the author likely made a mistake – they meant to use a consistent style of speech marks in the first example, meant the pronouns to be consistent in the second, meant to use ‘they’re' in the third, and meant to use an alternative style for the nested quotation marks in the fourth.
When we’re querying potential errors, however, we can still use the language of intention and reader expectation in our comments, thereby avoiding a more critical tone:
Regardless, the focus here is on intention, and for that reason there are times when it’s appropriate for the editor to use the term ‘error’.
When editors are tasked with finding errors, they’re looking for what wasn’t intended in that particular project. Take a look at these four examples:
- “Are the autopsy results in yet?’ Milburn asked.
- Xe put xyr pen on the table and frowned. No way was he letting that one pass.
- She hears him clearly – banging on again about how their from out of town and don’t know their way around.
- ‘I wanted to call the police but Johnny ‘One Sock’ Swainston wasn’t having any of it.’
We can say without judgement that there are four ‘errors’ in the above examples because in each case the author likely made a mistake – they meant to use a consistent style of speech marks in the first example, meant the pronouns to be consistent in the second, meant to use ‘they’re' in the third, and meant to use an alternative style for the nested quotation marks in the fourth.
When we’re querying potential errors, however, we can still use the language of intention and reader expectation in our comments, thereby avoiding a more critical tone:
- Did you mean to write […] here or is this a typo?
- How about [...] instead? This would be less likely to distract the reader, who might be more used to seeing [...] and therefore misinterpret what you've written.
- The grammar in this section doesn’t align with your usual narrative voice, and reads more like something Character Y would say. Is this intentional? If not, how about trying [...]?
Summing up
As professional editors, we need to think about the language we use about language!
Instead, we can frame our discussions and queries around meaning, author intention and reader experience. That way, we’re putting the prose where it belongs – front and centre.
- Saying something’s ‘right’ might imply that all alternatives are wrong when they aren’t.
- Defining something as a ‘rule’ might imply that breaking it is non-conformist, eccentric, non-compliant, even disobedient.
- Referring to something as ‘standard’ normalizes the preferences of those who have the power to make that decision in the first place.
Instead, we can frame our discussions and queries around meaning, author intention and reader experience. That way, we’re putting the prose where it belongs – front and centre.
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Do you use PerfectIt to find inconsistencies in a novel? Do you follow The Chicago Manual of Style? Now you can use both from a single platform! I might be in love. Here’s why.
What’s in this post
- What is PerfectIt?
- What is The Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS)?
- What is The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt?
- Beta testing on a novel
- Why the editor retains control
- How to customize The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt
- Wow factor 1: CMOS learning at the editor’s fingertips
- Wow factor 2: Seamless access
- Wow factor 3: Shifting the burden of search
- What PerfectIt won't do
- How much does The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt cost?
- How to unlock access to the CMOS style sheet
- My beta test: The verdict
- Where to get The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt
What is PerfectIt?
PerfectIt is software developed by Intelligent Editing. It helps editors and authors check a Word document for:
I’ve been using PerfectIt since its first iteration and, for me, it’s a must-have. Not because the human brain isn’t able to handle the checks it carries out but because software can do it faster.
And that means I can spend more of my time (which is what my clients are paying for) helping authors craft a compelling story rather than hunting down important but small details.
In other words, PerfectIt does the heavy-lifting but lets me retain complete control of the changes being made.
- Consistency: eg spelling, capitalization, hyphenation, acronym definitions.
- Adherence to style preferences: eg how numbers are rendered, punctuation of lists, capitalization of titles, ize/ise suffixes.
I’ve been using PerfectIt since its first iteration and, for me, it’s a must-have. Not because the human brain isn’t able to handle the checks it carries out but because software can do it faster.
And that means I can spend more of my time (which is what my clients are paying for) helping authors craft a compelling story rather than hunting down important but small details.
In other words, PerfectIt does the heavy-lifting but lets me retain complete control of the changes being made.
What is The Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS)?
CMOS is a 115-year-old style guide published by The University of Chicago Press. For many editors, even those beyond US shores, it too is a must-have because of its mindful, sensible advice.
CMOS isn’t a rule book. It’s a manual of style preferences. And given that novel editing requires a flexible approach to grammar, spelling and punctuation – one that serves rhythm and voice first and foremost – many editors choose to customize its guidance, ignore some of it, or blend it with another style guide’s preferences.
CMOS’s strength lies in how comprehensive it is, and the fact that the online version is easy to search.
Even though fifty per cent of my clients write in British English, CMOS is still my go-to style guide because lots of its guidance can be universally applied. The rest I tweak to fit my authors’ needs.
CMOS isn’t a rule book. It’s a manual of style preferences. And given that novel editing requires a flexible approach to grammar, spelling and punctuation – one that serves rhythm and voice first and foremost – many editors choose to customize its guidance, ignore some of it, or blend it with another style guide’s preferences.
CMOS’s strength lies in how comprehensive it is, and the fact that the online version is easy to search.
Even though fifty per cent of my clients write in British English, CMOS is still my go-to style guide because lots of its guidance can be universally applied. The rest I tweak to fit my authors’ needs.
What is The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt?
Until recently, these two editing staples were in my editing studio but sitting at different digital tables. But what if CMOS could be integrated into PerfectIt? Afterall, PerfectIt has lots of built-in style sheets – why not CMOS too?
It was a beautiful dream. Now it’s a beautiful reality.
The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt is a brand-new product that comes free with PerfectIt 5, and I’ve been privileged to play with it. As I said, I might be in love.
It was a beautiful dream. Now it’s a beautiful reality.
The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt is a brand-new product that comes free with PerfectIt 5, and I’ve been privileged to play with it. As I said, I might be in love.
Beta testing on a novel
I ran The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt on a 65,000-word test document – a copy of a thriller written in British English.
Here’s what else you also need to know about my setup:
Here’s what else you also need to know about my setup:
- The CMOS style sheet sits within PerfectIt 5
- I have an existing subscription to CMOS Online and PerfectIt
- I work on a PC and my OS is Windows 10, so I run the Windows version of PerfectIt
- I use Microsoft 365, which means I’m always working in the latest edition of Microsoft Word
- I’m based in the UK but work for clients all over the world and in a variety of Englishes and styles.
Why the editor retains control
I chose to test a document written in British English style in order to illustrate the control editors and writers have over any changes PerfectIt suggests.
Just because we’re checking against the built-in CMOS style sheet, which has its own set of defined preferences, doesn’t mean we have to adhere to all of them.
For example, PerfectIt flagged up ‘amongst’. At the top of the Spelling Variations window you can see why: In American English, “among” is usually preferred to “amongst.”
Actually, that preference is common in British English too. But the instances flagged up here are dialogue, and the character who’s speaking would be more likely to use ‘amongst’. And so I elected to ignore the suggestion and click on the Next button.
Using The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt therefore doesn’t force us to make inappropriate changes to a client’s work. The editor retains stylistic control.
Just because we’re checking against the built-in CMOS style sheet, which has its own set of defined preferences, doesn’t mean we have to adhere to all of them.
For example, PerfectIt flagged up ‘amongst’. At the top of the Spelling Variations window you can see why: In American English, “among” is usually preferred to “amongst.”
Actually, that preference is common in British English too. But the instances flagged up here are dialogue, and the character who’s speaking would be more likely to use ‘amongst’. And so I elected to ignore the suggestion and click on the Next button.
Using The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt therefore doesn’t force us to make inappropriate changes to a client’s work. The editor retains stylistic control.
How to customize The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt
I love CMOS’s good-sense guidance, and find much of it helpful for all of the crime fiction, thrillers and mysteries that pass over my desk.
However, half of those books are written in British English style, which means I want to access all the functionality of The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt but tweaked for my own needs.
If spelling is all I’m worried about, a simple workaround is just to turn off PerfectIt’s Spelling Variations check. However, there are other customizations I usually like to do with novels in British English style in addition to spelling.
For me, the ability to customize PerfectIt has always been one of its biggest selling points. That flexibility is fantastic for any editor who regularly uses CMOS’s guidance but just as regularly needs to adapt key aspects of it.
We can’t amend built-in style sheets. What PerfectIt does instead is allow us to create a copy and amend that. Which is why I now have this little gem in the dropdown menu of available style sheets: Chicago Manual of Style LHUK.
However, half of those books are written in British English style, which means I want to access all the functionality of The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt but tweaked for my own needs.
If spelling is all I’m worried about, a simple workaround is just to turn off PerfectIt’s Spelling Variations check. However, there are other customizations I usually like to do with novels in British English style in addition to spelling.
For me, the ability to customize PerfectIt has always been one of its biggest selling points. That flexibility is fantastic for any editor who regularly uses CMOS’s guidance but just as regularly needs to adapt key aspects of it.
We can’t amend built-in style sheets. What PerfectIt does instead is allow us to create a copy and amend that. Which is why I now have this little gem in the dropdown menu of available style sheets: Chicago Manual of Style LHUK.
This is still CMOS, but CMOS for me and some of my clients! I’ve edited the copied style sheet so that now it has a different set of preferences:
- Yze and yse endings: preference set to 'Prefer 's'.
- Personal title format: preference set to Mrs, Mx etc.
- Hyphens next to spaces: preference set to convert to en dash.
- Percent symbol: preference set to open (per cent).
- Space around dashes: preference set to en dash with spaces.
I retained the following:
- Quotes with punctuation: preference left at 'final before quotation mark' (because in British English fiction dialogue, that’s the convention followed).
- Ize and ise endings: preference left at -ize (because -ize suffixes aren’t American English style. They’ve been used in British English for centuries and are favoured by many British publishers).
Wow factor 1: CMOS learning at the editor’s fingertips
With The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt, editors can access the best features of both from one platform, which means we can learn CMOS’s style preferences in tandem with our consistency checking.
Yes, we’re running PerfectIt 5. And, yes, we’re able to set it to work to CMOS’s recommendations. That in itself is a gem.
But the wow factor is the advice that comes with it – that mindful guidance I mentioned above.
In the screenshot below, you can see what The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt has flagged up: ‘long-time’ versus the preferred ‘longtime’. Now look at the comment above. This isn’t prescriptivism in play. Instead, we’re asked to ‘check carefully’ because of what Chicago ‘usually prefers’.
That’s a subtle but important reminder that regardless of whether we’re following CMOS or some other style guide, we’re dealing with preferences, not rules. This concept is foundational to professional editorial practice, and I’m pleased to see it shining through here.
Yes, we’re running PerfectIt 5. And, yes, we’re able to set it to work to CMOS’s recommendations. That in itself is a gem.
But the wow factor is the advice that comes with it – that mindful guidance I mentioned above.
In the screenshot below, you can see what The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt has flagged up: ‘long-time’ versus the preferred ‘longtime’. Now look at the comment above. This isn’t prescriptivism in play. Instead, we’re asked to ‘check carefully’ because of what Chicago ‘usually prefers’.
That’s a subtle but important reminder that regardless of whether we’re following CMOS or some other style guide, we’re dealing with preferences, not rules. This concept is foundational to professional editorial practice, and I’m pleased to see it shining through here.
There’s more too. Perhaps we need additional information. Sure, we now know why this issue has been flagged up, but what if we want to verify that, just to be sure?
Perhaps we have to open our print or online dictionary after all. Not so. By clicking on ‘See more from CMOS 7.1 >’, we open another pane.
Within that pane are links not only to more detailed information from CMOS but also to the website of the external source cited, in this case Merriam Webster.com, which allows us to verify and learn if we want to.
Or perhaps we want to explore the issue in more detail via our CMOS Online subscription. It’s right there in a clickable link.
It’s seconds saved, but those seconds add up – fewer keystrokes and zero searching for where the solution to our problem lies. The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt has done the heavy-lifting for us.
Wow factor 2: Seamless access
Editors often want quick access to information that enables us to develop our learning. Impatience and software aren’t always favourite cousins, and clicking through to external resources while a program’s in the middle of doing its thing is usually a no-no.
Would clicking through to CMOS Online or Merriam Webster.com in the middle of a PerfectIt run be too much? Would the software slow down, stall or even crash? Would that instant access to learning be more trouble that it was worth?
I’m delighted to report that the clickthroughs were seamless.
The nub of it is this. CMOS hasn’t been shoehorned in PerfectIt 5. It, and the external links built into it, are fully integrated. So when we want to access external content via those links, we can do so and be assured that the software will remain stable.
That’s a big plus for busy editors who want software that works without clunk.
Would clicking through to CMOS Online or Merriam Webster.com in the middle of a PerfectIt run be too much? Would the software slow down, stall or even crash? Would that instant access to learning be more trouble that it was worth?
I’m delighted to report that the clickthroughs were seamless.
The nub of it is this. CMOS hasn’t been shoehorned in PerfectIt 5. It, and the external links built into it, are fully integrated. So when we want to access external content via those links, we can do so and be assured that the software will remain stable.
That’s a big plus for busy editors who want software that works without clunk.
Wow factor 3: Shifting the burden of search
CMOS is comprehensive. Any editor who owns the print version knows just how comprehensive. The online version made finding solutions to problems easier. Integrating some of the core elements of style within PerfectIt 5 has taken things a stage further.
It comes down to who or what bears the burden of search. Ordinarily, the editor does. We spot a style-consistency issue, open up our reference source, check the preference and make a decision.
It comes down to who or what bears the burden of search. Ordinarily, the editor does. We spot a style-consistency issue, open up our reference source, check the preference and make a decision.
With this product, the burden shifts. Now The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt is bearing some of the load. It’s spotting potential problems, suggesting the fix, explaining the reasoning behind that suggestion, and taking us to the exact place in one of the world’s premier style guides where deeper learning resides.
That’s a time-saver and a stress-reducer. No editor wants to spend time on searching for anything. Pro editors love to learn but none of us love struggling to find answers. After all, we’re paid to edit, not to search.
And so for those of us working to fixed project fees, time saved means a better hourly rate and a more profitable business.
What PerfectIt 5 won't do
I don’t expect my roofer to comment on the condition of my hair or how well my car’s running. Similarly, we mustn’t expect PerfectIt 5 to check our book files for problems it’s not designed to handle.
CMOS is huge, and there’s a ton of information in it that isn’t related to the kind of checks PerfectIt runs.
PerfectIt is a consistency checker, so if you want guidance on how to cite a reference according to CMOS or any other style guide, you’re still going to have to look it up.
Same thing if you’re wondering whether to place a comma between two independent clauses separated by coordinating conjunctions. CMOS has advice on this, but fiction editors will need to consider context and sentence rhythm too.
CMOS is huge, and there’s a ton of information in it that isn’t related to the kind of checks PerfectIt runs.
PerfectIt is a consistency checker, so if you want guidance on how to cite a reference according to CMOS or any other style guide, you’re still going to have to look it up.
Same thing if you’re wondering whether to place a comma between two independent clauses separated by coordinating conjunctions. CMOS has advice on this, but fiction editors will need to consider context and sentence rhythm too.
How much does it cost?
If you have a subscription to PerfectIt 4 and to CMOS Online, you’ll pay nothing. That’s right. Zero! You’ll automatically be upgraded to PerfectIt 5, which includes the CMOS style guide. Are you falling in love now?
You will have to grab the latest update from the Intelligent Editing website, but that’s always been the case.
So who needs to pay? If you have a subscription to one product but not the other, you’ll need to rectify that if you want to use The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt.
You will have to grab the latest update from the Intelligent Editing website, but that’s always been the case.
So who needs to pay? If you have a subscription to one product but not the other, you’ll need to rectify that if you want to use The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt.
How to unlock access to the CMOS style sheet
Once you’ve downloaded PerfectIt 5, you’ll see that CMOS is available in the dropdown list of styles. However, there’s one more step you’ll need to take before you can use it.
First, link your PerfectIt account to an active CMOS Online subscription. That will give you a new license key that unlocks The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt.
First, link your PerfectIt account to an active CMOS Online subscription. That will give you a new license key that unlocks The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt.
My beta test: The verdict
I love it. So should you buy it? If you already subscribe to PerfectIt and CMOS Online, you don’t need to spend a penny! All you need to do is link both accounts and unlock the features.
If you’re already using CMOS regularly, want to build your knowledge about the guide’s preferences, and check for consistency in line with CMOS within a seamless interface, yes, I recommend you invest in PerfectIt.
PerfectIt and CMOS are both trusted resources. This digital partnership will help all of us edit more confidently and mindfully.
If you’re already using CMOS regularly, want to build your knowledge about the guide’s preferences, and check for consistency in line with CMOS within a seamless interface, yes, I recommend you invest in PerfectIt.
PerfectIt and CMOS are both trusted resources. This digital partnership will help all of us edit more confidently and mindfully.
Where to get The Chicago Manual of Style for PerfectIt
Here's what to do:
And if you’ve bought one of my courses, there’s a discount code waiting for you on the course page.
Then let me know if you fall in love too!
- If all you need to do is link your existing subscriptions to PerfectIt and CMOS, sign in to your PerfectIt account and follow the instructions.
- If you want to buy PerfectIt for the first time, head over to the Intelligent Editing website.
And if you’ve bought one of my courses, there’s a discount code waiting for you on the course page.
Then let me know if you fall in love too!
Resources
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
6 months of editorial business marketing: Progress made and lessons learned (by Harriet Power)
16/7/2021
Editor Harriet Power discusses how moving from in-house to freelance editing meant upping her marketing game. Here's what she achieved in 6 months.
In this post
- What kickstarted the marketing focus
- Marketing activity #1: Website
- Marketing activity #2: Blogging
- Marketing activity #3: Creating a Reedsy profile
- Marketing activity #4: Social media
- Marketing activity #5: CIEP meetings
- Marketing activity #6: Emailing former contacts
- Marketing activity #7: Cold emails
- Marketing activity #8: Write Useful Books Slack group
- 6 months later: Has the marketing paid off?
- The plan for the next 6 months
- Lessons learned as a newbie marketer
What kickstarted the marketing focus
I’m not new to freelancing or editing – I spent 8 years working in-house for publishers like OUP and Pearson before going freelance 4 years ago.
However, I am new to marketing, because I spent the first 3 years of my freelance career coasting along on repeat work from a handful of former in-house contacts. That work dropped off in the summer of 2020 thanks to the pandemic.
I was happily distracted for a while by the arrival of our new lockdown puppy, but towards the end of the year I was still limping along on 2 or 3 days’ work a week. That prompted me to get serious for the first time about marketing my business.
At the start of this year I read Louise’s book Marketing Your Editing and Proofreading Business, which I thought was brilliant. Of course I’m hardly going to say otherwise here, but it’s still true; I skimmed through it again this week and although bits of it feel a little dated now (it was published in 2014), it’s packed full of useful advice and ideas.
The case studies and examples are really helpful, and I love the way it moves from overarching principles (‘put yourself in the customer’s shoes’) through to specific activities (‘cold email publishers’). I’d happily recommend it.
Six months ago my immediate goal was simply to get more work. My longer-term goal is to get better-paid work, and also to carve out a niche for myself in prescriptive nonfiction, which is a fairly new area for me.
After reading Louise’s book I ended up with a 5-page list of ideas. Here’s what I’ve achieved so far.
However, I am new to marketing, because I spent the first 3 years of my freelance career coasting along on repeat work from a handful of former in-house contacts. That work dropped off in the summer of 2020 thanks to the pandemic.
I was happily distracted for a while by the arrival of our new lockdown puppy, but towards the end of the year I was still limping along on 2 or 3 days’ work a week. That prompted me to get serious for the first time about marketing my business.
At the start of this year I read Louise’s book Marketing Your Editing and Proofreading Business, which I thought was brilliant. Of course I’m hardly going to say otherwise here, but it’s still true; I skimmed through it again this week and although bits of it feel a little dated now (it was published in 2014), it’s packed full of useful advice and ideas.
The case studies and examples are really helpful, and I love the way it moves from overarching principles (‘put yourself in the customer’s shoes’) through to specific activities (‘cold email publishers’). I’d happily recommend it.
Six months ago my immediate goal was simply to get more work. My longer-term goal is to get better-paid work, and also to carve out a niche for myself in prescriptive nonfiction, which is a fairly new area for me.
After reading Louise’s book I ended up with a 5-page list of ideas. Here’s what I’ve achieved so far.
Marketing activity #1: Website
I did a full revamp of my website at the end of 2019, but after reading Louise’s book I went back and completely redid the Services for authors page in an attempt to make it more useful/persuasive.
There's probably still too much text, but I’m pleased with the ‘editor’s creed’, a summary of the principles that guide my work (in marketing-speak these are my brand values).
I doubt these principles are unique to me, but I think stating them on my website helps fill out who I am as an editor. And at least one author has commented on how they liked my editing philosophy.
There's probably still too much text, but I’m pleased with the ‘editor’s creed’, a summary of the principles that guide my work (in marketing-speak these are my brand values).
I doubt these principles are unique to me, but I think stating them on my website helps fill out who I am as an editor. And at least one author has commented on how they liked my editing philosophy.
Marketing activity #2: Blogging
So far, I’m managing about one blog post a month. Anything more would be too much because blogging is a LOT of work, a point that Louise provides a nice big warning about in her book.
I’ve concentrated on developing two series, both with a target audience of nonfiction writers:
Books that work
Each post focuses on a well-received prescriptive nonfiction book and analyses why it’s done so well. I also invite the author to contribute their thoughts. My aim with this series is twofold:
The first in the series is available here: Books that work #1: Obviously Awesome by April Dunford.
Q&A on the editing process
Each post features an author whom I’ve worked with, but I’m hoping the series will be of interest to writers more generally. You can find the first post here: Q&A on the editing process with Dietmar Sternad.
I’ve concentrated on developing two series, both with a target audience of nonfiction writers:
Books that work
Each post focuses on a well-received prescriptive nonfiction book and analyses why it’s done so well. I also invite the author to contribute their thoughts. My aim with this series is twofold:
- To gradually expand my network of interesting people.
- To hold myself accountable in regard to continuing professional development (CPD)
The first in the series is available here: Books that work #1: Obviously Awesome by April Dunford.
Q&A on the editing process
Each post features an author whom I’ve worked with, but I’m hoping the series will be of interest to writers more generally. You can find the first post here: Q&A on the editing process with Dietmar Sternad.
Marketing activity #3: Creating a Reedsy profile
I was quite leery of Reedsy before I joined, but I’ve come around to it and think it’ll be a useful backstop whenever work quietens down. It’s certainly been a good way to get more work with nonfiction indie authors, particularly while I'm waiting for my website to generate leads.
So far I’ve completed two edits, including one for an author who’s just set up his own publishing company. He's commissioned me to work on two more books.
So far I’ve completed two edits, including one for an author who’s just set up his own publishing company. He's commissioned me to work on two more books.
Marketing activity #4: Social media
I’ve started using social media. I'm here on Twitter; say hello!
I’m also on LinkedIn. I have to admit I struggle with it – it’s very motivational, and a lot of posts (even the more personal ones) are either trying to teach a lesson or sell something. But I’m going to persevere for a bit longer, mainly because I know it’s an excellent place to connect with prescriptive nonfiction (i.e. business and self-help) writers.
I’m also on LinkedIn. I have to admit I struggle with it – it’s very motivational, and a lot of posts (even the more personal ones) are either trying to teach a lesson or sell something. But I’m going to persevere for a bit longer, mainly because I know it’s an excellent place to connect with prescriptive nonfiction (i.e. business and self-help) writers.
Marketing activity #5: CIEP meetings
I’ve also taken part in a few online CIEP meetings. As a complete introvert, I’m not someone who naturally enjoys Zoom meetings with strangers, and I need to make the effort to keep going with these.
However, I do appreciate getting to know fellow editors better because it’s lovely to meet others with the same professional focus as me. Plus, from a marketing perspective, once I’ve earned their trust, they might one day even consider referring work to me.
However, I do appreciate getting to know fellow editors better because it’s lovely to meet others with the same professional focus as me. Plus, from a marketing perspective, once I’ve earned their trust, they might one day even consider referring work to me.
Marketing activity #6: Emailing former contacts
I’ve emailed old in-house contacts (or contacts of contacts). I appreciate that this is a no-go if you’ve never worked in-house, but if you have then it definitely pays off.
Just one email along the lines of ‘Hey, I used to work at OUP for a different team – hopefully they can put in a good word for me. Can I help you at all?’ has led to a considerable amount of work this year.
Just one email along the lines of ‘Hey, I used to work at OUP for a different team – hopefully they can put in a good word for me. Can I help you at all?’ has led to a considerable amount of work this year.
Marketing activity #7: Cold emails
I expected the return on my round of cold emailing to be lower. However, I had nothing to lose so I gave it a try. And just a few months after I’d sent an email to a publisher, a new project landed on my desk.
Marketing activity #8: Write Useful Books Slack group
Write Useful Books is a brilliant craft book by Rob Fitzpatrick on how to write prescriptive nonfiction. The book comes with optional access to a Slack group.
I’ve offered free short beta reads for group members. To date, two writers have taken up my offer, and one of those beta reads has led to paid work.
Plus, it’s interesting to hang out with a bunch of nonfiction writers and see what questions they have about self-publishing.
I’ve offered free short beta reads for group members. To date, two writers have taken up my offer, and one of those beta reads has led to paid work.
Plus, it’s interesting to hang out with a bunch of nonfiction writers and see what questions they have about self-publishing.
6 months later: Has the marketing paid off?
I have to keep reminding myself that some of my marketing activities probably won’t bear fruit for months, maybe longer. I haven’t had a single person contact me through my website, for example.
But I’m now fully booked for the next 3 months, and starting to turn away work – a novel experience for me. And while some of that work is probably down to publishers getting over their initial pandemic jitters, I think the marketing has made a difference.
Where’s this work coming from? A lot is from the two publishers who gave me most of my work pre-Covid, although this workstream currently feels more secure because there are now three teams at OUP who might pass jobs my way, rather than one.
Most of the rest has is coming from Reedsy authors. I’ve also had some work from a new publisher who found me through the CIEP Directory of Editorial Services.
But I’m now fully booked for the next 3 months, and starting to turn away work – a novel experience for me. And while some of that work is probably down to publishers getting over their initial pandemic jitters, I think the marketing has made a difference.
Where’s this work coming from? A lot is from the two publishers who gave me most of my work pre-Covid, although this workstream currently feels more secure because there are now three teams at OUP who might pass jobs my way, rather than one.
Most of the rest has is coming from Reedsy authors. I’ve also had some work from a new publisher who found me through the CIEP Directory of Editorial Services.
The plan for the next 6 months
Here’s what I’d like to achieve over the next 6 months, time permitting:
- Engage more on Twitter and LinkedIn; connect with more writers, rather than just editors.
- Keep blogging, and do more guest blogging.
- Learn more about self-publishing and create content to help indie authors with their publishing journey.
- Set up a monthly mailing list. The main hurdle here is convincing myself that anyone would actually want to read it.
- Add a portfolio/testimonials page to my website. I’ve definitely got better at asking authors for testimonials since reading Louise’s book, and am slowly building up a nice bank of praise.
- Do some market research with nonfiction writers to find out how they go about finding an editor, what they look for in an editor, and what they most want help with.
- Design and create a PDF that I can send out to potential clients. It will include information on the different types of editing and the blog series I’m developing.
- Join an accountability group.
- Make more of an effort to join online meetups.
- Do another round of cold emailing to nonfiction publishers.
Lessons learned as a newbie marketer
Working through the time-sink
Marketing sometimes feels like a never-ending time-sink and it requires a lot of perseverance. There’s always more to do, and that makes it hard to switch off from it.
When it feels overwhelming (and that’s often the case now that I’m busier), it helps to follow Louise and Denise’s advice to think in ones: one blog post at a time, one LinkedIn post at a time, or even one tweet at a time.
I also try to remind myself that my business isn’t going to collapse just because I didn’t go on Twitter for a week.
On the upside, being proactive about strengthening my business is satisfying. And in the long run, I hope it will lead me to a point where I can charge enough to be able to work a little less.
CPD
I’m also enjoying the creative side of marketing. It’s fun coming up with ideas for content, and I’m enjoying the writing.
I’ve found that marketing goes hand in hand with CPD. It’s forced me to do more professional development so that I have something useful to say, and has helped me get over feelings of imposter syndrome.
Specializing
Specializing definitely helps. This is an idea that Louise promotes and I completely agree with it. Focusing my marketing efforts primarily on prescriptive nonfiction indie authors has given me direction and made the marketing more manageable.
Putting yourself in the customer’s shoes.
This is another lesson I learned from Louise’s book. I worked hard on this when tweaking my website, and it’s been a useful guiding principle in deciding what to tweet or post about.
The principle links well to the concept of specializing because you can only put yourself in the customer’s shoes when you’ve identified who that customer is.
Value-based pricing
Another concept from Louise’s book that struck a chord is thinking of how I can add value to my basic service of performing an edit – either in terms of how I market myself or what I can offer to the client.
This approach has helped shift my mindset such that I hope that in the future I’ll garner the confidence to charge more.
Say hi to interesting people
My own humble piece of advice would be to say hi to interesting people that you stumble across, even if this makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, or because it takes time to sit down and write an email, or because it’s just something you’d never normally do. (All of these things apply to me.) You never know where those connections might lead you.
I was very happy to stumble across Rob Fitzpatrick and join his Slack group, for example. Another interesting person I’ve become acquainted with recently is Francis Miller, who’s helping publishers and authors create nonfiction that’s easier to learn from. It’s also been lovely to gradually get to know some fellow editors.
For better or worse, I very much identify at heart with that saying ‘Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence’. This means I struggle with adding to the general noise of social media when much of the time it feels like talking for the sake of talking.
To some extent, it helps to think of the online version of me as a different persona. I try to post things that I believe will be useful or interesting. And, again, the CPD element of this work has helped to mitigate the sense of imposter syndrome.
Marketing sometimes feels like a never-ending time-sink and it requires a lot of perseverance. There’s always more to do, and that makes it hard to switch off from it.
When it feels overwhelming (and that’s often the case now that I’m busier), it helps to follow Louise and Denise’s advice to think in ones: one blog post at a time, one LinkedIn post at a time, or even one tweet at a time.
I also try to remind myself that my business isn’t going to collapse just because I didn’t go on Twitter for a week.
On the upside, being proactive about strengthening my business is satisfying. And in the long run, I hope it will lead me to a point where I can charge enough to be able to work a little less.
CPD
I’m also enjoying the creative side of marketing. It’s fun coming up with ideas for content, and I’m enjoying the writing.
I’ve found that marketing goes hand in hand with CPD. It’s forced me to do more professional development so that I have something useful to say, and has helped me get over feelings of imposter syndrome.
Specializing
Specializing definitely helps. This is an idea that Louise promotes and I completely agree with it. Focusing my marketing efforts primarily on prescriptive nonfiction indie authors has given me direction and made the marketing more manageable.
Putting yourself in the customer’s shoes.
This is another lesson I learned from Louise’s book. I worked hard on this when tweaking my website, and it’s been a useful guiding principle in deciding what to tweet or post about.
The principle links well to the concept of specializing because you can only put yourself in the customer’s shoes when you’ve identified who that customer is.
Value-based pricing
Another concept from Louise’s book that struck a chord is thinking of how I can add value to my basic service of performing an edit – either in terms of how I market myself or what I can offer to the client.
This approach has helped shift my mindset such that I hope that in the future I’ll garner the confidence to charge more.
Say hi to interesting people
My own humble piece of advice would be to say hi to interesting people that you stumble across, even if this makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, or because it takes time to sit down and write an email, or because it’s just something you’d never normally do. (All of these things apply to me.) You never know where those connections might lead you.
I was very happy to stumble across Rob Fitzpatrick and join his Slack group, for example. Another interesting person I’ve become acquainted with recently is Francis Miller, who’s helping publishers and authors create nonfiction that’s easier to learn from. It’s also been lovely to gradually get to know some fellow editors.
For better or worse, I very much identify at heart with that saying ‘Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence’. This means I struggle with adding to the general noise of social media when much of the time it feels like talking for the sake of talking.
To some extent, it helps to think of the online version of me as a different persona. I try to post things that I believe will be useful or interesting. And, again, the CPD element of this work has helped to mitigate the sense of imposter syndrome.
Summing up
If you want more interesting work, or better-paid work, or just more work, it makes sense to take marketing seriously.
Don’t worry about being late to the party – it took me over 3 years, after all. Instead, read Louise’s book. Think long term and keep chipping away at it. And say hello if you’d like to join me on the journey!
Don’t worry about being late to the party – it took me over 3 years, after all. Instead, read Louise’s book. Think long term and keep chipping away at it. And say hello if you’d like to join me on the journey!
About Harriet Power
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Harriet Power edits nonfiction books and educational materials for publishers and indie authors. She spent 8 years working in-house for educational publishers before going freelance in 2017. On the side, she performs in a folk music duo and enjoys walks with the lockdown puppy.
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Here are three clutter checks you can carry out on your novel. Reviewing, and editing where appropriate, will help keep your crime fiction, thriller or mystery writing tight and engaging.
In this post ...
In this post, I look at the following ways of decluttering prose in commercial fiction:
- Clutter check #1: Reviewing filter words
- Clutter check #2: Reviewing speech tags
- Clutter check #3: Reviewing action beats
Clutter check #1: Review your filter words
Filter words are verbs that focus the reader’s gaze inwards on the senses a character is using to experience action with.
Too many filter words that explain this sensory behaviour in action can make prose feel told rather shown, and increase narrative distance.
Examples include ‘noticed’, ‘seemed’, ‘spotted’, ‘saw’, ‘realized’, ‘felt’, ‘thought’, ‘wondered’, ‘believed’, ‘knew’ and ‘decided’.
Removing them focuses the reader’s gaze outwards on what is being experienced.
Sometimes an author wants an inward focus, but it’s often the case that the reader will assume that an odour is being smelled, a view is being seen, a thought is being thought, and knowledge is being known.
Review your narrative and consider whether the removal of a filter word would make the prose shorter and more immersive. Here are some examples:
Example 1
With filter:
Filter removed:
Example 2
With filter:
Filter removed:
Example 3
With filter:
Filter removed:
Too many filter words that explain this sensory behaviour in action can make prose feel told rather shown, and increase narrative distance.
Examples include ‘noticed’, ‘seemed’, ‘spotted’, ‘saw’, ‘realized’, ‘felt’, ‘thought’, ‘wondered’, ‘believed’, ‘knew’ and ‘decided’.
Removing them focuses the reader’s gaze outwards on what is being experienced.
Sometimes an author wants an inward focus, but it’s often the case that the reader will assume that an odour is being smelled, a view is being seen, a thought is being thought, and knowledge is being known.
Review your narrative and consider whether the removal of a filter word would make the prose shorter and more immersive. Here are some examples:
Example 1
With filter:
- Danni knew there was a door in the back of the hut that led into the woods. She could make her escape there.
Filter removed:
- There was a door in the back of the hut that led into the woods. She could make her escape there.
Example 2
With filter:
- The backdoor – it leads to the woods, Danni thought.
Filter removed:
- The backdoor – it leads to the woods.
- The backdoor – it led to the woods.
Example 3
With filter:
- He flung open the door and saw a gunman standing over by the window, rifle trained on the street below.
Filter removed:
- He flung open the door. A gunman stood over by the window, rifle trained on the street below.
Clutter check #2: Review speech tags
'Great speech tags help the reader keep track of who’s speaking without drawing attention away from the dialogue.
Review your dialogue tags and consider the following:
If there are only two characters in a scene, it might be obvious who’s speaking, which gives the author space to introduce reminder nudges only now and then.
Example with all the tags!
‘There’s a door at the back of the hut,’ Danni said.
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ I said.
‘No,’ she said. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
‘And that’ll get us into the woods?’ I said.
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish,’ she said.
‘What do you mean was?’ I said.
‘You’re too funny,’ she said, and pulled a face.
Same example but with reduced tagging
‘There’s a door at the back of the hut,’ Danni said.
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’
‘No. Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
‘And that’ll get us into the woods?’
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I said.
Danny pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’
‘Said’ is often best because it’s used so frequently in novels that it’s almost invisible. ‘Asked’ is also inoffensive when used to tag questions in dialogue. Others like ‘whispered’, ‘yelled’, ‘hissed’, ‘spat’ and ‘barked’ can be useful when used sparingly to convey volume and mood.
Showy speech tags
Showy speech tags scream their presence from the page, and shift the reader’s attention away from the dialogue and onto the tag. They often tell what the dialogue’s already shown, and indicate a lack of trust in the reader to get the speech. Examples include ‘exclaimed’, ‘opined’, ‘commanded’
Example 1:
Example 2:
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I joked.
[Tag takes centre stage]
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?'
[Dialogue takes centre stage]
Facial expressions used as tags need special care. Examples include ‘laughed’, ‘smiled’, ‘grimaced’ and ‘sneered’. These are best recast as action beats or replaced with simpler speech tags.
Example 1:
‘No,’ Danni grimaced. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ [Expression tag]
‘No.’ Danni grimaced. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ [Action beat]
Example 2:
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I laughed. [Expression tag]
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I said. [Speech tag]
Removing redundant tags will reduce your word count. Recasting showy and illogical tags won’t, but your prose will still be more immersive.
Review your dialogue tags and consider the following:
- Is the tag necessary?
- Is the tag taking centre stage?
- Is the tag illogical?
If there are only two characters in a scene, it might be obvious who’s speaking, which gives the author space to introduce reminder nudges only now and then.
Example with all the tags!
‘There’s a door at the back of the hut,’ Danni said.
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ I said.
‘No,’ she said. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
‘And that’ll get us into the woods?’ I said.
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish,’ she said.
‘What do you mean was?’ I said.
‘You’re too funny,’ she said, and pulled a face.
Same example but with reduced tagging
‘There’s a door at the back of the hut,’ Danni said.
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’
‘No. Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
‘And that’ll get us into the woods?’
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I said.
Danny pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’
‘Said’ is often best because it’s used so frequently in novels that it’s almost invisible. ‘Asked’ is also inoffensive when used to tag questions in dialogue. Others like ‘whispered’, ‘yelled’, ‘hissed’, ‘spat’ and ‘barked’ can be useful when used sparingly to convey volume and mood.
Showy speech tags
Showy speech tags scream their presence from the page, and shift the reader’s attention away from the dialogue and onto the tag. They often tell what the dialogue’s already shown, and indicate a lack of trust in the reader to get the speech. Examples include ‘exclaimed’, ‘opined’, ‘commanded’
Example 1:
- ‘Watch out!’ Danni warned. [Tag takes centre stage]
- ‘Watch out!’ Danni said. [Dialogue takes centre stage]
Example 2:
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I joked.
[Tag takes centre stage]
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?'
[Dialogue takes centre stage]
Facial expressions used as tags need special care. Examples include ‘laughed’, ‘smiled’, ‘grimaced’ and ‘sneered’. These are best recast as action beats or replaced with simpler speech tags.
Example 1:
‘No,’ Danni grimaced. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ [Expression tag]
‘No.’ Danni grimaced. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ [Action beat]
Example 2:
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I laughed. [Expression tag]
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I said. [Speech tag]
Removing redundant tags will reduce your word count. Recasting showy and illogical tags won’t, but your prose will still be more immersive.
Clutter check #3: Review action beats
Action beats are short descriptions that come before, between or just after dialogue. They ground speech in the characters’ environment and can be effective alternatives to speech tags.
They key to effective use is ensuring they amplify dialogue rather than interrupt it.
Think about movies. On the screen, all the actors movements and gestures are visible. Replicating this detail in a novel can be invasive and pull the reader away from what’s being unveiled through the speech.
While action beats are superb backdoors into the emotional space of non-viewpoint characters, the dialogue should be where the main action is taking place. If it’s not, what might be required is a reworking of the dialogue, not the introduction of more action beats.
Instead of mimicking the screen experience, use action beats to show what the dialogue doesn’t convey. That needn’t mean including them with every turn. Great dialogue doesn’t need to be anchored every time a character opens their mouth. A purposeful nudge now and then will be enough.
Watch out in particular for prose that’s overloaded with mundane action beats – legs stretching, fingers raking through hair, raised eyebrows, arms folding, fingers steepling.
Review your action beats:
Getting rid of the dull and redundant ones will reduce your word count. And what’s left on the page will be more engaging.
Example
Action beats that interrupt dialogue:
Danni pointed at the back of the cellar. ‘Over there. The door. It leads to the woods.’
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ Max rubbed his forehead. ‘Maybe we need a Plan B.’
‘No.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
Max tilted his head. ‘The fire? What happened?’
‘It was years ago.’ She waved his question away and jabbed a finger towards the door again. ‘Out back there’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ he said, and smirked.
She pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’
Action beats that amplify dialogue:
Danni pointed at the back of the cellar. ‘Over there. The door. It leads to the woods.’
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ Max said. ‘I dunno, maybe we need a Plan B.’
‘No. Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
‘The fire? What—’
‘It was years ago. Whatever. Focus. Out back there’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’
She pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’
They key to effective use is ensuring they amplify dialogue rather than interrupt it.
Think about movies. On the screen, all the actors movements and gestures are visible. Replicating this detail in a novel can be invasive and pull the reader away from what’s being unveiled through the speech.
While action beats are superb backdoors into the emotional space of non-viewpoint characters, the dialogue should be where the main action is taking place. If it’s not, what might be required is a reworking of the dialogue, not the introduction of more action beats.
Instead of mimicking the screen experience, use action beats to show what the dialogue doesn’t convey. That needn’t mean including them with every turn. Great dialogue doesn’t need to be anchored every time a character opens their mouth. A purposeful nudge now and then will be enough.
Watch out in particular for prose that’s overloaded with mundane action beats – legs stretching, fingers raking through hair, raised eyebrows, arms folding, fingers steepling.
Review your action beats:
- Do they tell the reader something the dialogue doesn’t or are they mundane details that a reader could imagine?
- Are they infrequent nudges or are they littering the dialogue at every turn of speech?
- Could the mood conveyed by the action beat be conveyed better by improving the dialogue?
Getting rid of the dull and redundant ones will reduce your word count. And what’s left on the page will be more engaging.
Example
Action beats that interrupt dialogue:
Danni pointed at the back of the cellar. ‘Over there. The door. It leads to the woods.’
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ Max rubbed his forehead. ‘Maybe we need a Plan B.’
‘No.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
Max tilted his head. ‘The fire? What happened?’
‘It was years ago.’ She waved his question away and jabbed a finger towards the door again. ‘Out back there’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ he said, and smirked.
She pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’
Action beats that amplify dialogue:
Danni pointed at the back of the cellar. ‘Over there. The door. It leads to the woods.’
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ Max said. ‘I dunno, maybe we need a Plan B.’
‘No. Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
‘The fire? What—’
‘It was years ago. Whatever. Focus. Out back there’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’
She pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’
Summing up
There’s nothing wrong with the filter words, speech tags and actions beats. They’re useful tools when they help a reader make sense of the story.
However, if they’re mundane or interruptive clutter that can be assumed, leave them out so we can focus on the words that really matter.
However, if they’re mundane or interruptive clutter that can be assumed, leave them out so we can focus on the words that really matter.
Related reading
- 3 reasons to use free indirect speech in your crime fiction
- Author writing resources
- Becoming a Fiction Editor (free booklet for editors)
- Dialogue tags and how to use them in fiction writing
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level (book for editors and authors)
- Filter words in fiction
- Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ (book for editors and authors)
- Switching to Fiction (course for editors)
- Tips on lean writing
- What are action beats and how can you use them in fiction writing?
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
One-line paragraphs are powerful tools that pull readers into your story and compel them to turn the page. This post explores why they work and offers some examples of smashing shorties that pack a punch!
What’s in this post
In this post, I look at five reasons why it’s worth experimenting with very short paragraphs in commercial fiction writing and editing, including:
- to show rather than tell internal experience
- to decelerate reading speed
- to emphasize key information
- to create clutter-free immediacy
- to deliver suspenseful chapter finales
Showing rather than telling internal experience
The narrative passages in a novel are often several lines long. This gives the author space for necessary exposition about the environment, the characters and the action. This is where we make sense of a scene and how it relates to the bigger story.
The staccato rhythm of one-line paragraphs is interruptive, both rhythmically and visually. Each short line is its own single beat, one that’s structurally visible on the page. Every time the reader moves onto the next, they take mental breath.
Because the lines are short, the breaths come quickly, and it’s there that the author can show rather than tell a character's internal experience in a way that's rich in mood and voice.
In this excerpt from Recursion by Black Crouch, p. 317 (Pan, 2019), look at how the structure of those two initial short lines in bold mirrors the meaning of the words.
The staccato rhythm of one-line paragraphs is interruptive, both rhythmically and visually. Each short line is its own single beat, one that’s structurally visible on the page. Every time the reader moves onto the next, they take mental breath.
Because the lines are short, the breaths come quickly, and it’s there that the author can show rather than tell a character's internal experience in a way that's rich in mood and voice.
In this excerpt from Recursion by Black Crouch, p. 317 (Pan, 2019), look at how the structure of those two initial short lines in bold mirrors the meaning of the words.
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The memories arrive in a blink.
One moment nothing. The next, he knows exactly where he is, the full trajectory of his life since Helena found him, and exactly what the equations on the blackboard mean. Because he wrote them. They're extrapolations of the Schwarzschild solution, an equation that defines what the radius of an object must be, based upon its mass, in order to form a singularity. That singularity then forms an Einstein-Rosen wormhole that can, in theory, instantaneously connect far-flung regions of space and even time. |
One minute the memories aren’t there; the next they are. The beat of their arrival is reflected in the way the prose is formatted. We’re therefore shown how the viewpoint character experiences the lightning-speed download of knowledge, and as a result we feel it all the more intensely.
Decelerating reading speed
Those of us who read a lot are used to seeing chunks of ink on a page or pixels on a screen and learn how to zip through them and absorb the content without dissecting each word.
Such speedy reading can lead to skimming because we relax into the flow of the narrative. One-line paragraphs, however, stand out because they contrast so starkly with the longer passages, surrounded as they are by so much white space.
Text that stands out begs for our attention and forces us to slow down and focus on each word. And that means it’s not only the rhythm of the prose that’s changed; so has the rhythm of how we’re interacting with it as readers.
Take a look at this example on p. 470 of The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter (HarperCollins, 2017).
Such speedy reading can lead to skimming because we relax into the flow of the narrative. One-line paragraphs, however, stand out because they contrast so starkly with the longer passages, surrounded as they are by so much white space.
Text that stands out begs for our attention and forces us to slow down and focus on each word. And that means it’s not only the rhythm of the prose that’s changed; so has the rhythm of how we’re interacting with it as readers.
Take a look at this example on p. 470 of The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter (HarperCollins, 2017).
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There was more tapping, more tracking, and then colours on the screen were almost too much. The blacks were up so far that gray spots bubbled through the midnight fields.
Charlie suggested, “Use the blue on the lockers as a color guide. They’re close to the same blue as Dad’s funeral suit. Ben opened the color chart. He clicked on random squares. “That’s it,” Charlie said. “That’s the blue.” “I can clean it up more.” He sharpened the pixels. Smoothed out the edges. Finally, he zoomed in as close as he could without distorting the image into nothing. “Holy shit,” Charlie said. She finally got it. Not a leg, but an arm. Not one arm, but two. One black. One red. A sexual cannibal. A slash of red. A venomous bite. They had not found Rusty’s unicorn. They had found a black widow. |
The non-bold text is what we’re most used to seeing. It makes for a comfortable, leisurely, skimmable read. But when we get to the bold single-line paragraphs, the contrast is visible on the page. Our reading pace decelerates and our attention zooms in on every word.
Emphasizing key information
Very short paragraphs enable authors to place emphasis on key words and phrases that they want us to pay attention to. Perhaps it’s a clue or a moment of suspense. Maybe it’s to shock us. Maybe it’s to draw our focus towards an aspect of a character’s personality.
Because the one-liner stands out, it’s an opportunity for centre-staging. Here’s a great example from Harlan Coben’s Win, p. 38 (Century, 2021).
Because the one-liner stands out, it’s an opportunity for centre-staging. Here’s a great example from Harlan Coben’s Win, p. 38 (Century, 2021).
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Respect, yes. Bow, no. I also don’t use these techniques,
per the platitude, “only for self-defense,” an obvious untruth on the level of “the check is in the mail” or “don’t worry, I’ll pull out.” I use what I learn to defeat my enemies, no matter who the aggressor happens to be (usually: me). I like violence. I like it a lot. I don’t condone it for others. I condone it for me. I don’t fight as a last resort. I fight whenever I can. I don’t try to avoid trouble. I actively seek it out. After I finish with the bag, I bench-press, powerlift, squat. When I was younger, I’d have various lifting days—arm days, chest days, leg days. When I reached my forties, I found it paid to lift less often and with more variety. |
Coben wants us to know something about his protagonist Windsor Horne Lockwood III, something we might find distasteful and hard to fathom. Nevertheless, it’s central to the characterization; Win’s actions throughout the novel don’t make sense unless we know this. Coben ensures we don’t miss it.
Creating clutter-free immediacy
Very short paragraphs pull the reader through each moment of the action, second by second, step by step. This can reduce narrative distance – the space between the reader and the viewpoint character.
Here’s beautiful example from p. 296 of The Cold Cold Ground by Adrian McKinty (Serpent’s Tail, 2012)
Here’s beautiful example from p. 296 of The Cold Cold Ground by Adrian McKinty (Serpent’s Tail, 2012)
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“You had to stick your fucking neb in, didn’t ya? You had to open your big yapper. Can’t you fucking take a hint? After all them ciggies we give you too,” he said.
He raised the gun. I closed my eyes. Held my breath. A bang. Silence. When I opened my eyes again Bobby Cameron was staring at me and shaking his head. Billy White was dead to my left with the back of his head blown off. |
The narration is first person, so it’s already immersive. But the one-line paragraphs in bold drive us deeper into Sean Duffy’s experience. There’s no fluff, no filtering, no cluttering description.
Each moment of the action is presented oh so precisely, slamming us into the now of the novel – the weapon being raised, Duffy’s physical response, then what he hears: first a bang, then nothing.
In five lines and fourteen words, McKinty shows us something powerful – that he trusts us to get it. We don’t know for sure what Duffy is feeling. It could be sadness, terror, anger, resignation, or a combination of some or all those things.
The author’s had the courage to leave it to us, to allow us to imagine what this moment means internally for Duffy, rather than forcing us one way or another. In doing so, we get to be Duffy for a while rather than a fly on the wall. The narrative distance is so small, it’s barely perceptible.
Each moment of the action is presented oh so precisely, slamming us into the now of the novel – the weapon being raised, Duffy’s physical response, then what he hears: first a bang, then nothing.
In five lines and fourteen words, McKinty shows us something powerful – that he trusts us to get it. We don’t know for sure what Duffy is feeling. It could be sadness, terror, anger, resignation, or a combination of some or all those things.
The author’s had the courage to leave it to us, to allow us to imagine what this moment means internally for Duffy, rather than forcing us one way or another. In doing so, we get to be Duffy for a while rather than a fly on the wall. The narrative distance is so small, it’s barely perceptible.
Delivering suspenseful chapter finales
A smart one-liner at the end of a chapter can create suspense. Perhaps it’s a question, a shocking statement or a realization. Regardless, it leaves the reader aching for answers. When that yearning is encapsulated in one line, it stands out and demands that we turn the page.
Here are the final two paragraphs from p. 132 of David Rosenfelt’s Open and Shut (Grand Central Publishing, 2002):
Here are the final two paragraphs from p. 132 of David Rosenfelt’s Open and Shut (Grand Central Publishing, 2002):
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The next morning, to my undying shame, I did not withdraw my request. I had the time of my life at camp that summer, and I know now that my father, so desperate for me to go that he was in terrible pain, had millions of dollars that he refused to touch.
Money that he did not make delivering newspapers. [Chapter ends] |
There is only one question on the reader’s mind as the chapter closes: So how did his father make all that money?
And because the answer lies beyond – maybe in the next chapter, maybe right at the end of the book – we turn the page.
And because the answer lies beyond – maybe in the next chapter, maybe right at the end of the book – we turn the page.
Why less is more
Overdependence on any literary device risks reducing its dramatic effect, and short paragraphs are no exception.
One-liners pack the biggest punch when they’re used now and then as a tool with which to vary the pulse of your prose and deepen your reader’s immersion in the world you’ve created.
Save them for best so that they stand out.
One-liners pack the biggest punch when they’re used now and then as a tool with which to vary the pulse of your prose and deepen your reader’s immersion in the world you’ve created.
Save them for best so that they stand out.
More writing and editing resources
- 6 ways to improve your novel right now (blog post)
- 7 ways to write chapter endings that hold readers in suspense (blog post)
- Author resource library (includes links to free webinars)
- Becoming a Fiction Editor (free booklet)
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level (book – listen to a free audio chapter)
- Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ (book – listen to a free audio chapter)
- Playing with the rhythm of fiction: commas and conjunctions (blog post)
- Switching to Fiction (course for new fiction editors)
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Your novel’s written in first person. Here are some tips for how to ensure your narrative doesn’t become overloaded with ‘I’ but remains immersive.
What’s in this post
- Why reduce the ‘I’
- Why ‘I’ still has a place front and centre
- Focusing on the exterior rather than the interior
- Reducing the use of filter words
- Removing speech and thought tags
- Applying the principles of free indirect speech
- Taking the 'I' out of introspection
- Balancing ‘I’ with ‘we’
Why reduce the ‘I’
We might think that the mention of ‘I’ would always make prose more immediate, and draw the reader in closer to the viewpoint character. But sometimes the opposite is true.
Too much ‘I’ is a tap on the shoulder, one that says to the reader, ‘Just in case you’ve forgotten who the narrator is, here are lots of reminders.’
The consequence is that readers are pulled away. And that can actually increase rather than reduce narrative distance.
Too much ‘I’ is a tap on the shoulder, one that says to the reader, ‘Just in case you’ve forgotten who the narrator is, here are lots of reminders.’
The consequence is that readers are pulled away. And that can actually increase rather than reduce narrative distance.
Why ‘I’ still has a place front and centre
I confess to being a huge fan of first-person narrations. When done well, the pronoun is almost invisible, even if it’s used frequently. Certainly the books I’ve borrowed excerpts from here allow ‘I’ to take centre stage.
However, they don’t rely on a first-person pronoun to convey experience, thought, speech and action. Below, I'll show you some examples – ones that ensure the intimacy of the narration style is left intact.
And so while we don’t want to obliterate ‘I’, because avoiding it completely would render the prose awkward, inauthentic and overworked, too much ‘I’ can be repetitive and interruptive. What’s required is a balance.
This post aims to offer you choice – fitting alternatives that retain intimacy and immediacy when you’re concerned you’ve overdone it.
However, they don’t rely on a first-person pronoun to convey experience, thought, speech and action. Below, I'll show you some examples – ones that ensure the intimacy of the narration style is left intact.
And so while we don’t want to obliterate ‘I’, because avoiding it completely would render the prose awkward, inauthentic and overworked, too much ‘I’ can be repetitive and interruptive. What’s required is a balance.
This post aims to offer you choice – fitting alternatives that retain intimacy and immediacy when you’re concerned you’ve overdone it.
1. Focus on the exterior rather than the interior
With a first-person narration, what’s reported must be through the lens of the narrator. Since their presence is a given, we don’t always need to be reminded that ‘I’ is involved.
A little peppering in a more objective report will suffice because the reader knows that it’s coming from the narrator, and only the narrator. It has to be.
And while writers can make space to explore the viewpoint character’s emotional behaviour, the exterior world is what grounds their experience in the novel’s physical world. It gives the novel substance, and the reader something to bite into.
Instead of focusing on who’s doing the reporting, shift the prose towards what’s being reported.
What and who else is in the scene? Why are they there? How do they behave? What do they look like? This information can be reported without ‘I’ so that the reader experiences the physical world within which the narrator is operating.
Here’s an example from To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee, Pan, 1974, p. 11).
A little peppering in a more objective report will suffice because the reader knows that it’s coming from the narrator, and only the narrator. It has to be.
And while writers can make space to explore the viewpoint character’s emotional behaviour, the exterior world is what grounds their experience in the novel’s physical world. It gives the novel substance, and the reader something to bite into.
Instead of focusing on who’s doing the reporting, shift the prose towards what’s being reported.
What and who else is in the scene? Why are they there? How do they behave? What do they look like? This information can be reported without ‘I’ so that the reader experiences the physical world within which the narrator is operating.
Here’s an example from To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee, Pan, 1974, p. 11).
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Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks, the court-house sagged in the square. Somehow, it was hotter then; a black dog suffered on a summer’s day; bony mules hitched to Hoover carts flicked flies in the sweltering shade of the live oaks on the square. Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon, after their three o’clock naps, and by nightfall were like soft tea-cakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum.
People moved slowly then. They ambled across the square, shuffled in and out of the stores around it, took their time about everything. A day was twenty-four hours long but seemed longer. There was no hurry, for there was nowhere to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with, nothing to see outside the boundaries of Maycomb County. But it was a time of vague optimism for some of the people: Maycomb County had recently been told that it had nothing to fear but fear itself. |
Notice the (almost) absence of ‘I’. Scout – our narrator – tells us about the town she lived in: Maycomb. The recollection is hers certainly – ‘when I first knew it’ anchors it as such. It’s therefore intimate.
And yet because there’s only one I-nudge, we’re allowed enough emotional distance to step back and pan, like a roving camera, across Maycomb’s vista. We’re dislocated from Scout’s doing the experiencing and encouraged instead to focus on what she’s experiencing.
What’s happening here is a shift from the subjective to the objective.
Here’s an example of a short excerpt that’s subjective. The focus is on the I-narrator.
And yet because there’s only one I-nudge, we’re allowed enough emotional distance to step back and pan, like a roving camera, across Maycomb’s vista. We’re dislocated from Scout’s doing the experiencing and encouraged instead to focus on what she’s experiencing.
What’s happening here is a shift from the subjective to the objective.
Here’s an example of a short excerpt that’s subjective. The focus is on the I-narrator.
SUBJECTIVE FOCUS: 'I ...'
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I’m stunned by the news. Not that Hatchet has been up since early this morning, but that he has a wife. Someone actually sleeps with the man.
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And here’s the real excerpt from David Rosenfelt’s Play Dead (Grand Central, 2009, p. 19). Now the focus is objective, yet in no way does this distance us from the centrality of the first-person narrator’s experience. We’re still deep in his head.
OBJECTIVE FOCUS: NO 'I ...'
OBJECTIVE FOCUS: NO 'I ...'
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This is a stunning piece of news. Not that Hatchet has been up since early this morning, but that he has a wife. Someone actually sleeps with the man.
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2. Reduce the use of filter words
Filter words are a clue that an interior rather than exterior focus is in play. They’re verbs that increase the narrative distance, reminding us that what we’re reading is being told by someone rather than experienced, or shown, through the eyes of the character.
Examples include noticed, seemed, spotted, saw, realized, felt, thought, wondered, believed, knew, and decided.
Filter words focus the reader’s gaze inwards (interior focus) on the manner through which the viewpoint character experiences the world – the how.
They come with a pronoun: I saw, they believed, we decided, she knew, he noticed.
By removing filter words, the reader’s gaze is shifted outwards (exterior focus) and onto what is being experienced. That can make for a more immersive read. Plus, the omission means we say goodbye to their accompanying pronoun: 'I'.
Here are a few examples to give you a flavour of how you might recast in a way that avoids first-person filtering.
Examples include noticed, seemed, spotted, saw, realized, felt, thought, wondered, believed, knew, and decided.
Filter words focus the reader’s gaze inwards (interior focus) on the manner through which the viewpoint character experiences the world – the how.
They come with a pronoun: I saw, they believed, we decided, she knew, he noticed.
By removing filter words, the reader’s gaze is shifted outwards (exterior focus) and onto what is being experienced. That can make for a more immersive read. Plus, the omission means we say goodbye to their accompanying pronoun: 'I'.
Here are a few examples to give you a flavour of how you might recast in a way that avoids first-person filtering.
EXAMPLE 1:
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I recall the argument we had last week.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
Last week’s argument is still fresh in my mind.
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I recall the argument we had last week.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
Last week’s argument is still fresh in my mind.
EXAMPLE 2:
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I recognized the man’s face.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
The man’s face was familiar.
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I recognized the man’s face.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
The man’s face was familiar.
EXAMPLE 3:
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I saw the guy turn left and dart into the alley.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
The guy turned left and darted into the alley.
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I saw the guy turn left and dart into the alley.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
The guy turned left and darted into the alley.
EXAMPLE 4:
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I spotted the red Chevy from yesterday parked outside the bank.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
There, parked outside the bank, was the same red Chevy from yesterday.
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I spotted the red Chevy from yesterday parked outside the bank.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
There, parked outside the bank, was the same red Chevy from yesterday.
EXAMPLE 5:
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I still feel ashamed about the vile words I unleashed even after all these years.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
The vile words I unleashed still have the power to bathe me in shame even after all these years.
‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
I still feel ashamed about the vile words I unleashed even after all these years.
Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
The vile words I unleashed still have the power to bathe me in shame even after all these years.
3. Remove speech and thought tags
Dialogue tags are what writers use to indicate which character is speaking. Their function is, for the most part, mechanical. If the reader can keep track of who’s saying what in a conversation, you can omit dialogue tags.
This will work best if there are no more than two characters. Most writers don’t extend the omission for more than a few back-and-forths before they introduce a reminder tag or an action beat.
Watching out for unnecessary tags is good practice regardless of narration style, but with a first-person narration it’s a particularly efficient way to declutter ‘I’-heavy prose.
Take a look at this excerpt from David Rosenfelt’s Play Dead, pp. 194–5. There are two characters in this scene: Andy Carpenter, the protagonist and narrator, and Sam Willis, the non-POV character on the other end of the phone.
This will work best if there are no more than two characters. Most writers don’t extend the omission for more than a few back-and-forths before they introduce a reminder tag or an action beat.
Watching out for unnecessary tags is good practice regardless of narration style, but with a first-person narration it’s a particularly efficient way to declutter ‘I’-heavy prose.
Take a look at this excerpt from David Rosenfelt’s Play Dead, pp. 194–5. There are two characters in this scene: Andy Carpenter, the protagonist and narrator, and Sam Willis, the non-POV character on the other end of the phone.
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“Great!” he says, making no effort to conceal his delight. He's probably hoping it results in another high-speed highway shooting.
“The woman's name is Donna Banks. She lives in apartment twenty-three-G in Sunset Towers in Fort Lee. I don't have the exact address, but you can get it.” “Pretty swanky apartment,” he says. “Right. I want you to find out the source of that swank.” “What does that mean?” “I want to know how she can afford it. She doesn't work, and she's the widow of a soldier. Maybe her name is Banks because her family owns a bunch of them, but I want to know for sure.” “Got it.” “No problem?” I ask. I'm always amazed at Sam's ability to access any information he needs. “Not so far. Anything else?” “Yes. I left her apartment at ten thirty-five this morning. I want to know if she called anyone shortly after I left, and if so, who.” “Gotcha. Which do you want me to get on first? Although neither will take very long.” “I guess her source of income.” “Then say it, Andy.” “Say what?” “Come on, play the game. You're asking me to find out where she gets her cash. So say it.” “Sam …” “Say it.” “Okay. Show me the money.” “Thatta boy. I'll get right on it.” |
The exchange involves 19 speech elements within the thread, but only 3 speech tags, and only one of those marks our first-person narrator.
At no point do we lose track, and at no point are we distracted by repetitive ‘I said’s.
At no point do we lose track, and at no point are we distracted by repetitive ‘I said’s.
4. Apply the principles of free indirect speech
If you’ve played with free indirect speech (also called free indirect style/discourse) in third-person narratives, call on your craft for first-person narration.
In a nutshell, free indirect speech offers the essence of first-person dialogue or thought but through a third-person viewpoint. The character’s voice takes the lead, but without the clutter of speech marks, speech tags, italic, or other devices to indicate who’s thinking or saying what.
Here’s an example of third-person narration. Notice the filter words ‘glanced’ and ‘noticed’, the italic present-tense thought, and the thought tag:
In a nutshell, free indirect speech offers the essence of first-person dialogue or thought but through a third-person viewpoint. The character’s voice takes the lead, but without the clutter of speech marks, speech tags, italic, or other devices to indicate who’s thinking or saying what.
Here’s an example of third-person narration. Notice the filter words ‘glanced’ and ‘noticed’, the italic present-tense thought, and the thought tag:
- Dave glanced at the guy’s hand and noticed that the signature tattoo was missing. Christ, maybe my intel’s been compromised again, he thought.
Let’s change that to a first-person narration. The filter words are still there and there’s a thought tag with the ‘I’ pronoun.
- I glanced at the guy’s hand and noticed that the signature tattoo was missing. Christ, maybe my intel’s been compromised again, I thought.
Here’s what the third-person version could look like in free indirect style. The filter words and tags are gone. It feels like a first-person thought but the base tense and third-person narration remain intact.
- The signature tattoo on the guy’s hand was missing. Christ, had his intel been compromised again?
And now the first-person version. All I’ve done is swapped out the pronoun ‘his’ for ‘my’.
- The signature tattoo on the guy’s hand was missing. Christ, had my intel been compromised again?
5. Take the ‘I’ out of introspection
There’s nothing wrong with contemplation and introspection. Authentic characters ruminate just like real people.
However, when prose is littered rather than peppered with constructions such as I wasn’t sure if, I didn’t know whether, I wondered if, it can feel muddled and be laborious to read. The reader might respond: Well, of course you’re wondering. Who else could it be? You’re the narrator.
Worse, readers might think the narrator’s rather self-absorbed and unsure of themselves. While that might be necessary now and then, it’s problematic if it’s a staple because a narrator who’s always focused on themselves, and who never instils confidence in us, can’t tell the story as effectively.
Look out for ‘I’-centred introspection and experiment with statements and questions that allow the ‘I’ to be assumed.
Here are a few examples to show you how it might work.
However, when prose is littered rather than peppered with constructions such as I wasn’t sure if, I didn’t know whether, I wondered if, it can feel muddled and be laborious to read. The reader might respond: Well, of course you’re wondering. Who else could it be? You’re the narrator.
Worse, readers might think the narrator’s rather self-absorbed and unsure of themselves. While that might be necessary now and then, it’s problematic if it’s a staple because a narrator who’s always focused on themselves, and who never instils confidence in us, can’t tell the story as effectively.
Look out for ‘I’-centred introspection and experiment with statements and questions that allow the ‘I’ to be assumed.
Here are a few examples to show you how it might work.
EXAMPLE 1:
‘I’-centred introspection
I wasn’t sure if Shami was a reliable witness but I couldn’t afford to ignore her, given what she’d divulged.
‘I’-less introspection
Was Shami a reliable witness? Maybe, maybe not. She couldn’t be ignored given what she’d divulged.
‘I’-centred introspection
I wasn’t sure if Shami was a reliable witness but I couldn’t afford to ignore her, given what she’d divulged.
‘I’-less introspection
Was Shami a reliable witness? Maybe, maybe not. She couldn’t be ignored given what she’d divulged.
EXAMPLE 2:
‘I’-centred introspection
I still didn’t know who the killer was.
‘I’-less introspection
The killer’s identity was still a mystery.
‘I’-centred introspection
I still didn’t know who the killer was.
‘I’-less introspection
The killer’s identity was still a mystery.
EXAMPLE 2:
‘I’-centred introspection
I wondered whether Shami was a reliable witness.
‘I’-less introspection (3 options)
Shami might or might not be a reliable witness.
Shami’s reliability as a witness was hardly a given.
Shami’s reliability as a witness was questionable.
‘I’-centred introspection
I wondered whether Shami was a reliable witness.
‘I’-less introspection (3 options)
Shami might or might not be a reliable witness.
Shami’s reliability as a witness was hardly a given.
Shami’s reliability as a witness was questionable.
6. Balance ‘I’ with ‘we’
Another option is to consider whether your narrator’s lived experience at particular points within the novel involves others.
This is an opportunity to frame the narrative around ‘we’ rather than just ‘I’.
Here’s an excerpt from To Kill a Mockingbird (p. 162) in which Scout, Harper Lee’s first-person narrator, frames the recollection around not just her own experience but those of the people she was hanging out with.
This is an opportunity to frame the narrative around ‘we’ rather than just ‘I’.
Here’s an excerpt from To Kill a Mockingbird (p. 162) in which Scout, Harper Lee’s first-person narrator, frames the recollection around not just her own experience but those of the people she was hanging out with.
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As the county went by us, Jem gave Dill the histories and general attitudes of the more prominent figures: M4 Tensaw Jones voted the straight Prohibition ticket; Miss Emily Davis dipped snuff in private; Mr Byron Waller could play the violin; Mr Jake Slade was cutting his third set of teeth.
A wagonload of unusually stern-faced citizens appeared. When they pointed to Miss Maudie Atkinson's yard, ablaze with summer flowers, Miss Maudie herself came out on the porch. There was an odd thing about Miss Maudie – on her porch she was too far away for us to see her features clearly, but we could always catch her mood by the way she stood. She was now standing arms akimbo, her shoulders drooping a little, her head cocked to one side, her glasses winking in the sunlight. |
The effect is powerful because we’re shown rather than told a sense of her belonging, of her being in a group, of the togetherness of that experience. And that intensifies our immersion in her world.
Summing up
There’s nothing wrong with ‘I’, but a first-person narrator can tell a story without relying on their pronoun all the time. Since they’re the ones doing the reporting, the ‘I’ can often be assumed.
Try recasting sentences that start with ‘I’ more objectively, so that the focus is on the what – the emotion, the object, the person, the action and so on – rather than the sense being used to experience it or the I-narrator doing the experience.
Use the principles of free indirect speech to reduce your ‘I’ count. It’s a tool that encourages a narrowing of narrative distance to such a degree that the reader feels deeply connected to the viewpoint character – more like we’re reading a thought than straight narrative.
As for speech and thought tags, you might not need as many as you think. The speaker can usually be identified without them if there are only two people in the conversation. Removing redundant tags is worth considering whichever narration style you’re writing in.
Try recasting sentences that start with ‘I’ more objectively, so that the focus is on the what – the emotion, the object, the person, the action and so on – rather than the sense being used to experience it or the I-narrator doing the experience.
Use the principles of free indirect speech to reduce your ‘I’ count. It’s a tool that encourages a narrowing of narrative distance to such a degree that the reader feels deeply connected to the viewpoint character – more like we’re reading a thought than straight narrative.
As for speech and thought tags, you might not need as many as you think. The speaker can usually be identified without them if there are only two people in the conversation. Removing redundant tags is worth considering whichever narration style you’re writing in.
Related resources
- 3 reasons to use free indirect speech
- 6 ways to improve your novel right now
- Author resource library (includes links to free webinars)
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level: A Guide for Beginner and Developing Writers
- Filter words in fiction: Purposeful inclusion and dramatic restriction
- Making Sense of Point of View: Transform Your Fiction 1
- What is head-hopping, and is it spoiling your fiction writing?
- Switching to Fiction: Course for new fiction editors
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Do you know your brand colours? They’re part of what makes you recognizable, so they’re worth paying attention to – and sticking to. Here’s one way to keep track of your choices and enforce consistency.
What is a brand palette?
A brand palette is the group of colours you use across your business materials, including the following:
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If we’re communicating in online spaces that we don’t control, we’re limited to a certain extent by the platform’s own brand palette.
For example, we can upload on-brand images to our Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn headers, but we can’t change the colour of the links or icons on our posts.
And members of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading who advertise in its Directory of Editorial Services can upload on-brand headshots, videos and images to their listings but must work within the CIEP’s unique brand palette.
Do the best you can in the spaces you don’t control. In those you do, go for consistency. Here’s why it’s important.
For example, we can upload on-brand images to our Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn headers, but we can’t change the colour of the links or icons on our posts.
And members of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading who advertise in its Directory of Editorial Services can upload on-brand headshots, videos and images to their listings but must work within the CIEP’s unique brand palette.
Do the best you can in the spaces you don’t control. In those you do, go for consistency. Here’s why it’s important.
Why a consistent brand palette is powerful
Think about brands like Coke, Reese’s Pieces, Cadbury, McDonald’s, IKEA and Aldi. You can probably reel off the colours you associate with those companies, and that means you can identify them from afar or with just a glimpse.
Editorial brand palettes work the same way. They make us recognizable such that our colleagues, clients, friends and business partners can identify us in online spaces before they’ve dug into the detail of our messaging.
If we’ve already built trust with those people, they’re more likely to take the time to engage with our content because they know who it’s from.
Of course, they can also decide not to engage with us when our brand colours pop up in their social feeds or email inboxes because they’re not interested in us. Being recognizable means we don’t waste their time, and they don’t waste ours!
Editorial brand palettes work the same way. They make us recognizable such that our colleagues, clients, friends and business partners can identify us in online spaces before they’ve dug into the detail of our messaging.
If we’ve already built trust with those people, they’re more likely to take the time to engage with our content because they know who it’s from.
Of course, they can also decide not to engage with us when our brand colours pop up in their social feeds or email inboxes because they’re not interested in us. Being recognizable means we don’t waste their time, and they don’t waste ours!
Deciding on your brand-palette rules
Once you’ve decided which colours are in your brand palette, consider your rules.
My brand palette comprises grey, white, grape, maroon and teal. My brand-palette rules include the following:
If you’re the kind of editor who can hold several hex colours in your head, all power to you. I’m not. I need to record them so I can access them quickly and remind myself of the ‘rules’ I’ve created.
That's why I built a brand book.
My brand palette comprises grey, white, grape, maroon and teal. My brand-palette rules include the following:
- Brand-colour gradients are allowed on some sections of my website
- Tints, shades and tones of my brand colours are allowed if UX will be improved
- Buttons on my website must always be solid teal
- Linked text must always be maroon with a teal hover
- Blog-post images take grape boxes on greyscale images
If you’re the kind of editor who can hold several hex colours in your head, all power to you. I’m not. I need to record them so I can access them quickly and remind myself of the ‘rules’ I’ve created.
That's why I built a brand book.
How to record your brand palette
A brand book isn’t the only way of recording your brand colours, but it’s useful if you want a single space in which to keep track of your brand colours, something you can access every time you create content related to your business. Mine's bookmarked so I can get to it quickly.
It's also a one-stop-shop you can send to creative consultants if you’re commissioning artwork or design services.
Don't stop at colours! Use it record all your editorial business's brand essentials. For example:
It's also a one-stop-shop you can send to creative consultants if you’re commissioning artwork or design services.
Don't stop at colours! Use it record all your editorial business's brand essentials. For example:
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Here's what mine looks like. Use the thumbnails to move through the slideshow. If you’d like a free copy to mimic, head over to the branding page in my resource library and select the FREE BOOKLETS icon.
If it’s not something you think you can create for yourself, the Canva template is included free with the following courses:
If you’ve already bought one of them, log in to access the template, then copy it and edit it to create your own brand book quickly.
If you’ve already bought one of them, log in to access the template, then copy it and edit it to create your own brand book quickly.
Summing up
A brand palette ensures your editing business is consistently recognizable across multiple media. That means those who already know and trust you can spot you from afar or with a glimpse. And those just getting to know you understand what to expect.
Pick your colours and stick to them. Then keep a record of your choices. It means you can be sure you’ll be on brand everywhere!
Pick your colours and stick to them. Then keep a record of your choices. It means you can be sure you’ll be on brand everywhere!
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
- Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Novel dialogue is not like reality, where much of what we say is of little consequence to the bigger picture of our lives. Here’s how to check that all your dialogue needs to be there. Then remove the mundane!
Why speech in a novel is different
Artful dialogue requires balancing realism with engagement and ensuring that every word spoken by a character pushes the novel forward rather than making the reader feel like they’re eavesdropping on a mundane conversation at the bus stop
Every line of dialogue should have a purpose. If it doesn’t, it probably shouldn’t be in your book.
It can take courage to remove words you've spent an age crafting but as I hope to show in the example below, readers don't need every little detail. Less is so often more!
Every line of dialogue should have a purpose. If it doesn’t, it probably shouldn’t be in your book.
It can take courage to remove words you've spent an age crafting but as I hope to show in the example below, readers don't need every little detail. Less is so often more!
A three-pronged approach to dialogue
My favourite way of assessing whether dialogue is working is to think in terms of voice, mood and intention.
When we focus on those three things, we avoid dull dialogue – conversations about the weather, how someone takes their tea or coffee, and courtesy statements such as ‘Hi, how are you?’
When we focus on those three things, we avoid dull dialogue – conversations about the weather, how someone takes their tea or coffee, and courtesy statements such as ‘Hi, how are you?’
Voice
Voice tells us who characters are, what makes them tick – their fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams, identity, preferences.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, rude, measured, polite, sweary or seductive.
When we change the way a character speaks, we change their voice. And that means we change them.
Voice tells us who characters are, what makes them tick – their fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams, identity, preferences.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, rude, measured, polite, sweary or seductive.
When we change the way a character speaks, we change their voice. And that means we change them.
Mood
Characters can show us how they’re feeling via their dialogue.
Emotionally evocative speech allows readers to access the internal experience of a non-viewpoint character. And that makes it a powerful tool.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, assertive, hesitant, forceful, pleading. Using the right words means the speech tags and narrative won’t need to be cluttered with further explanation.
Characters can show us how they’re feeling via their dialogue.
Emotionally evocative speech allows readers to access the internal experience of a non-viewpoint character. And that makes it a powerful tool.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, assertive, hesitant, forceful, pleading. Using the right words means the speech tags and narrative won’t need to be cluttered with further explanation.
Intention
Intention is another way of framing subtext. How characters speak tells us what they want.
Perhaps they’re asking questions for the purpose of discovery and understanding whodunit (doctors, lawyers, PIs and police officers regularly use dialogue in novels to this end). Dialogue can express a multitude of motivations.
Ask yourself what your character wants every time they open their mouth.
Intention is another way of framing subtext. How characters speak tells us what they want.
Perhaps they’re asking questions for the purpose of discovery and understanding whodunit (doctors, lawyers, PIs and police officers regularly use dialogue in novels to this end). Dialogue can express a multitude of motivations.
Ask yourself what your character wants every time they open their mouth.
Example: Real but mundane dialogue
Let’s look at an example of dialogue that represents the kind of conversation one would expect to hear in real life. It includes the polite chitchat that people indulge in before they get down to business.
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Laurie comes back to the office with me for a meeting with Kevin. These meetings are basically of dubious value, since all we seem to do is list the things we don’t understand in our preparation for a trial we don’t know will even take place.
“Hi, Kevin,” I say. “Hey, Andy. How you doin’?” “Not too bad, thanks. Christ, it’s cold out though. I need something to warm me up. Gonna grab a coffee. Want one? Laurie, you?” Kevin nods. Laurie says, “Please. Milk and sugar.” “So Kevin,” I say as I hand around the drinks, “we need to talk about Petrone.” It’s the first chance I’ve had to tell Kevin about my meeting with the guy. I fill him in. When I get to the part where Petrone denied trying to have me killed, Kevin asks, “And you believed him?” “I did.” “Just because that’s what he said?” I nod. “As stupid as it might sound, yes. I’ve had dealings with him before, and he’s always told me the truth, or nothing at all. And he had nothing to gain by lying.” “Andy, the guy has had a lot of people murdered. How many confessions has he made?” |
Were you enthralled by the welcome and refreshments section, or did you just wish we could get to the point? I think I know the answer!
The slimmed-down version
Now let’s look at how author David Rosenfelt actually wrote this excerpt from Play Dead (Grand Central, 2009, p. 175), and beautifully too:
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Laurie comes back to the office with me for a meeting with Kevin.
These meetings are basically of dubious value, since all we seem to do is list the things we don’t understand in our preparation for a trial we don’t know will even take place. It’s the first chance I’ve had to tell Kevin about my meeting with Petrone. I fill him in. When I get to the part where Petrone denied trying to have me killed, Kevin asks, “And you believed him?” “I did.” “Just because that’s what he said?” I nod. “As stupid as it might sound, yes. I’ve had dealings with him before, and he’s always told me the truth, or nothing at all. And he had nothing to gain by lying.” “Andy, the guy has had a lot of people murdered. How many confessions has he made?” |
What readers don’t care about
Rosenfelt knows that none of his readers care about the weather, the coffee, or whether people say hello to each other or not.
And so he leaves all of that out and lets the reader imagine that this stuff took place. And it’s enough. In the published novel, as opposed to the version I butchered, the first line of speech is “And you believed him.”
With that, we’re straight into Kevin’s incredulity and concern, and his desire to understand what the team is dealing with in regard to Petrone.
Meanwhile, Andy has his lawyer hat on. His initial reply is succinct, so that we are left in no doubt about his belief that Petrone was telling the truth, and that he is determined to reassure Kevin.
This is no-messing dialogue that focuses on story, not whether the speech is what we might actually hear – in its entirety – in real life.
It’s an excellent example of an author ensuring that every word counts and that there’s no bus-stop-talk filler.
And so he leaves all of that out and lets the reader imagine that this stuff took place. And it’s enough. In the published novel, as opposed to the version I butchered, the first line of speech is “And you believed him.”
With that, we’re straight into Kevin’s incredulity and concern, and his desire to understand what the team is dealing with in regard to Petrone.
Meanwhile, Andy has his lawyer hat on. His initial reply is succinct, so that we are left in no doubt about his belief that Petrone was telling the truth, and that he is determined to reassure Kevin.
This is no-messing dialogue that focuses on story, not whether the speech is what we might actually hear – in its entirety – in real life.
It’s an excellent example of an author ensuring that every word counts and that there’s no bus-stop-talk filler.
Summing up
To declutter dialogue and make every word count, ask yourself the following:
Want the booklet version of this post? It's available on my Dialogue resources library. Click on the cover below to hop over to the page. Once you're there, choose the Booklets icon.
- Is every line relevant to the story?
- Is the character speaking with purpose or taking up ink/pixels on the page?
- Can mundane chitchat be removed without damaging sense and flow?
- Could the dull stuff be replaced with speech that deepens character?
Want the booklet version of this post? It's available on my Dialogue resources library. Click on the cover below to hop over to the page. Once you're there, choose the Booklets icon.
More fiction editing resources for authors and editors
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level
- Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’
- Making Sense of Point of View
- Making Sense of Punctuation
- How to Write the Perfect Fiction Editorial Report
- Switching to Fiction
- The Differences Between Developmental Editing, Line Editing, Copyediting and Proofreading (free webinar)
- How to Punctuate Dialogue (course)
- Resource library: Dialogue and thoughts
About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Crime Fiction & Thriller Editor
- Connect: X @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
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TESTIMONIALS
'I love the clean impact you've brought to my writing'
Thomas R Weaver
'The voyage through your edits is an intellectual and craft adventure'
Dan Flanigan
'I'm a better writer because you edited my book'
Rich Leder
'You are by far the best literary editor I've had'
Nina Fitzpatrick
'I wholeheartedly recommend her services ... Just don’t hire her when I need her'
Jeff Carson
'Sincere thanks for a beautiful and elegant piece of work. First class'
JB Turner
Thomas R Weaver
'The voyage through your edits is an intellectual and craft adventure'
Dan Flanigan
'I'm a better writer because you edited my book'
Rich Leder
'You are by far the best literary editor I've had'
Nina Fitzpatrick
'I wholeheartedly recommend her services ... Just don’t hire her when I need her'
Jeff Carson
'Sincere thanks for a beautiful and elegant piece of work. First class'
JB Turner
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