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Louise Harnby and Denise Cowle share 3 more tips about how to beat the overwhelm that can come with making your editing and proofreading business visible.
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Marketing can be learned! Here are some of my most popular teaching tools, all created specifically for editors and proofreaders working in a global freelance market.
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Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
- Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
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Here are three clutter checks you can carry out on your novel. Reviewing, and editing where appropriate, will help keep your crime fiction, thriller or mystery writing tight and engaging.
In this post ...
In this post, I look at the following ways of decluttering prose in commercial fiction:
- Clutter check #1: Reviewing filter words
- Clutter check #2: Reviewing speech tags
- Clutter check #3: Reviewing action beats
Clutter check #1: Review your filter words
Filter words are verbs that focus the reader’s gaze inwards on the senses a character is using to experience action with.
Too many filter words that explain this sensory behaviour in action can make prose feel told rather shown, and increase narrative distance.
Examples include ‘noticed’, ‘seemed’, ‘spotted’, ‘saw’, ‘realized’, ‘felt’, ‘thought’, ‘wondered’, ‘believed’, ‘knew’ and ‘decided’.
Removing them focuses the reader’s gaze outwards on what is being experienced.
Sometimes an author wants an inward focus, but it’s often the case that the reader will assume that an odour is being smelled, a view is being seen, a thought is being thought, and knowledge is being known.
Review your narrative and consider whether the removal of a filter word would make the prose shorter and more immersive.
Here are some examples:
Too many filter words that explain this sensory behaviour in action can make prose feel told rather shown, and increase narrative distance.
Examples include ‘noticed’, ‘seemed’, ‘spotted’, ‘saw’, ‘realized’, ‘felt’, ‘thought’, ‘wondered’, ‘believed’, ‘knew’ and ‘decided’.
Removing them focuses the reader’s gaze outwards on what is being experienced.
Sometimes an author wants an inward focus, but it’s often the case that the reader will assume that an odour is being smelled, a view is being seen, a thought is being thought, and knowledge is being known.
Review your narrative and consider whether the removal of a filter word would make the prose shorter and more immersive.
Here are some examples:
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WITH FILTER
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FILTER REMOVED
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Danni knew there was a door in the back of the hut that led into the woods. She could make her escape there.
[Reader’s gaze focuses inwards on Danni’s doing the action of knowing.] |
There was a door in the back of the hut that led into the woods. She could make her escape there.
[Reader assumes it’s Danni doing the knowing since she’s the viewpoint character, and focuses outwards on the solution – the door.] |
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The backdoor – it leads to the woods, Danni thought.
[Reader’s gaze focuses inwards on Danni’s doing the action of thinking.] |
The backdoor – it leads to the woods.
[Reader assumes the thought belongs to Danni, and focuses on the substance of the thought.] The backdoor – it led to the woods. [This alternative uses free indirect style; it frames the thought in the novel’s base tense and narrative style – third-person past.] |
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He flung open the door and saw the gunman standing over by the window, rifle trained on the street below.
[Reader’s gaze focuses inwards on the man’s doing the action of seeing.] |
He flung open the door.
The gunman stood over by the window, rifle trained on the street below. [Reader assumes it’s the man doing the seeing since he’s the viewpoint character, and focuses outwards on the gunman.] |
Clutter check #2: Review speech tags
Great speech tags help the reader keep track of who’s speaking without drawing attention away from the dialogue.
Review your dialogue tags and consider the following:
If there are only two characters in a scene, it might be obvious who’s speaking, which gives the author space to introduce reminder nudges only now and then.
Review your dialogue tags and consider the following:
- Is the tag necessary?
- Is the tag taking centre stage?
- Is the tag illogical?
If there are only two characters in a scene, it might be obvious who’s speaking, which gives the author space to introduce reminder nudges only now and then.
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ALL THE TAGS!
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REDUCED TAGGING
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‘There’s a door at the back of the hut,’ Danni said.
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ I said. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ ‘And that’ll get us into the woods?’ I said. ‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish,’ she said. ‘What do you mean was?’ I said. ‘You’re too funny,’ she said, and pulled a face. |
‘There’s a door at the back of the hut,’ Danni said.
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ ‘No. Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ ‘And that’ll get us into the woods?’ ‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’ ‘What do you mean was?’ I said. Danny pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’ |
‘Said’ is often best because it’s used so frequently in novels that it’s almost invisible. ‘Asked’ is also inoffensive when used to tag questions in dialogue. Others like ‘whispered’, ‘yelled’, ‘hissed’, ‘spat’ and ‘barked’ can be useful when used sparingly to convey volume and mood.
Showy speech tags scream their presence from the page, and shift the reader’s attention away from the dialogue and onto the tag. They often tell what the dialogue’s already shown, and indicate a lack of trust in the reader to get the speech. Examples include ‘exclaimed’, ‘opined’, ‘commanded’
Showy speech tags scream their presence from the page, and shift the reader’s attention away from the dialogue and onto the tag. They often tell what the dialogue’s already shown, and indicate a lack of trust in the reader to get the speech. Examples include ‘exclaimed’, ‘opined’, ‘commanded’
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TAG TAKES CENTRE STAGE
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DIALOGUE TAKES CENTRE STAGE
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‘Watch out!’ Danni warned.
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‘Watch out!’ Danni said.
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‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I joked. |
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was? |
Facial expressions used as tags need special care. Examples include ‘laughed’, ‘smiled’, ‘grimaced’ and ‘sneered’. These are best recast as action beats or replaced with simpler speech tags.
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EXPRESSION TAG
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ACTION BEAT
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‘No,’ Danni grimaced. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
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‘No.’ Danni grimaced. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’
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EXPRESSION TAG
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SPEECH TAG
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‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I laughed. |
‘Yup. There’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’
‘What do you mean was?’ I said. |
Removing redundant tags will reduce your word count. Recasting showy and illogical tags won’t, but your prose will still be more immersive.
Clutter check #3: Review action beats
Action beats are short descriptions that come before, between or just after dialogue. They ground speech in the characters’ environment and can be effective alternatives to speech tags.
They key to effective use is ensuring they amplify dialogue rather than interrupt it.
Think about movies. On the screen, all the actors movements and gestures are visible. Replicating this detail in a novel can be invasive and pull the reader away from what’s being unveiled through the speech.
While action beats are superb backdoors into the emotional space of non-viewpoint characters, the dialogue should be where the main action is taking place. If it’s not, what might be required is a reworking of the dialogue, not the introduction of more action beats.
Instead of mimicking the screen experience, use action beats to show what the dialogue doesn’t convey. That needn’t mean including them with every turn. Great dialogue doesn’t need to be anchored every time a character opens there mouth. A purposeful nudge now and then will be enough.
Watch out in particular for prose that’s overloaded with mundane action beats – legs stretching, fingers raking through hair, raised eyebrows, arms folding, fingers steepling.
Review your action beats:
Getting rid of the dull and redundant ones will reduce your word count. And what’s left on the page will be more engaging.
They key to effective use is ensuring they amplify dialogue rather than interrupt it.
Think about movies. On the screen, all the actors movements and gestures are visible. Replicating this detail in a novel can be invasive and pull the reader away from what’s being unveiled through the speech.
While action beats are superb backdoors into the emotional space of non-viewpoint characters, the dialogue should be where the main action is taking place. If it’s not, what might be required is a reworking of the dialogue, not the introduction of more action beats.
Instead of mimicking the screen experience, use action beats to show what the dialogue doesn’t convey. That needn’t mean including them with every turn. Great dialogue doesn’t need to be anchored every time a character opens there mouth. A purposeful nudge now and then will be enough.
Watch out in particular for prose that’s overloaded with mundane action beats – legs stretching, fingers raking through hair, raised eyebrows, arms folding, fingers steepling.
Review your action beats:
- Do they tell the reader something the dialogue doesn’t or are they mundane details that a reader could imagine?
- Are they infrequent nudges or are they littering the dialogue at every turn of speech?
- Could the mood conveyed by the action beat be conveyed better by improving the dialogue?
Getting rid of the dull and redundant ones will reduce your word count. And what’s left on the page will be more engaging.
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ACTION BEATS THAT INTERRUPT DIALOGUE
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ACTION BEATS THAT AMPLIFY DIALOGUE
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Danni pointed at the back of the cellar. ‘Over there. The door. It leads to the woods.’
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ Max rubbed his forehead. ‘Maybe we need a Plan B.’ ‘No.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ Max tilted his head. ‘The fire? What happened?’ ‘It was years ago.’ She waved his question away and jabbed a finger towards the door again. ‘Out back there’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’ ‘What do you mean was?’ he said, and smirked. She pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’ |
Danni pointed at the back of the cellar. ‘Over there. The door. It leads to the woods.’
‘You’re sure it isn’t locked?’ Max said. ‘I dunno, maybe we need a Plan B.’ ‘No. Trish never locks it. Not since the fire.’ ‘The fire? What—’ ‘It was years ago. Whatever. Focus. Out back there’s a track. It’s overgrown but I know the way. Used it all the time when I was young and foolish.’ ‘What do you mean was?’ She pulled a face. ‘You’re too funny.’ |
Summing up
There’s nothing wrong with the filter words, speech tags and actions beats. They’re useful tools when they help a reader make sense of the story.
However, if they’re mundane or interruptive clutter that can be assumed, leave them out so we can focus on the words that really matter.
However, if they’re mundane or interruptive clutter that can be assumed, leave them out so we can focus on the words that really matter.
Related reading
- 3 reasons to use free indirect speech in your crime fiction
- Author writing resources
- Becoming a Fiction Editor (free booklet for editors)
- Dialogue tags and how to use them in fiction writing
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level (book for editors and authors)
- Filter words in fiction
- Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ (book for editors and authors)
- Switching to Fiction (course for editors)
- Tips on lean writing
- What are action beats and how can you use them in fiction writing?
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
- Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
One-line paragraphs are powerful tools that pull readers into your story and compel them to turn the page. This post explores why they work and offers some examples of smashing shorties that pack a punch!
What’s in this post
In this post, I look at five reasons why it’s worth experimenting with very short paragraphs in commercial fiction writing and editing, including:
- to show rather than tell internal experience
- to decelerate reading speed
- to emphasize key information
- to create clutter-free immediacy
- to deliver suspenseful chapter finales
Showing rather than telling internal experience
The narrative passages in a novel are often several lines long. This gives the author space for necessary exposition about the environment, the characters and the action. This is where we make sense of a scene and how it relates to the bigger story.
The staccato rhythm of one-line paragraphs is interruptive, both rhythmically and visually. Each short line is its own single beat, one that’s structurally visible on the page. Every time the reader moves onto the next, they take mental breath.
Because the lines are short, the breaths come quickly, and it’s there that the author can show rather than tell a character's internal experience in a way that's rich in mood and voice.
In this excerpt from Recursion by Black Crouch, p. 317 (Pan, 2019), look at how the structure of those two initial short lines in bold mirrors the meaning of the words.
The staccato rhythm of one-line paragraphs is interruptive, both rhythmically and visually. Each short line is its own single beat, one that’s structurally visible on the page. Every time the reader moves onto the next, they take mental breath.
Because the lines are short, the breaths come quickly, and it’s there that the author can show rather than tell a character's internal experience in a way that's rich in mood and voice.
In this excerpt from Recursion by Black Crouch, p. 317 (Pan, 2019), look at how the structure of those two initial short lines in bold mirrors the meaning of the words.
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The memories arrive in a blink.
One moment nothing. The next, he knows exactly where he is, the full trajectory of his life since Helena found him, and exactly what the equations on the blackboard mean. Because he wrote them. They're extrapolations of the Schwarzschild solution, an equation that defines what the radius of an object must be, based upon its mass, in order to form a singularity. That singularity then forms an Einstein-Rosen wormhole that can, in theory, instantaneously connect far-flung regions of space and even time. |
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One minute the memories aren’t there; the next they are. The beat of their arrival is reflected in the way the prose is formatted. We’re therefore shown how the viewpoint character experiences the lightning-speed download of knowledge, and as a result we feel it all the more intensely.
Decelerating reading speed
Those of us who read a lot are used to seeing chunks of ink on a page or pixels on a screen and learn how to zip through them and absorb the content without dissecting each word.
Such speedy reading can lead to skimming because we relax into the flow of the narrative. One-line paragraphs, however, stand out because they contrast so starkly with the longer passages, surrounded as they are by so much white space.
Text that stands out begs for our attention and forces us to slow down and focus on each word. And that means it’s not only the rhythm of the prose that’s changed; so has the rhythm of how we’re interacting with it as readers.
Take a look at this example on p. 470 of The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter (HarperCollins, 2017).
Such speedy reading can lead to skimming because we relax into the flow of the narrative. One-line paragraphs, however, stand out because they contrast so starkly with the longer passages, surrounded as they are by so much white space.
Text that stands out begs for our attention and forces us to slow down and focus on each word. And that means it’s not only the rhythm of the prose that’s changed; so has the rhythm of how we’re interacting with it as readers.
Take a look at this example on p. 470 of The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter (HarperCollins, 2017).
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There was more tapping, more tracking, and then colours on the screen were almost too much. The blacks were up so far that gray spots bubbled through the midnight fields.
Charlie suggested, “Use the blue on the lockers as a color guide. They’re close to the same blue as Dad’s funeral suit. Ben opened the color chart. He clicked on random squares. “That’s it,” Charlie said. “That’s the blue.” “I can clean it up more.” He sharpened the pixels. Smoothed out the edges. Finally, he zoomed in as close as he could without distorting the image into nothing. “Holy shit,” Charlie said. She finally got it. Not a leg, but an arm. Not one arm, but two. One black. One red. A sexual cannibal. A slash of red. A venomous bite. They had not found Rusty’s unicorn. They had found a black widow. |
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The non-bold text is what we’re most used to seeing. It makes for a comfortable, leisurely, skimmable read. But when we get to the bold single-line paragraphs, the contrast is visible on the page. Our reading pace decelerates and our attention zooms in on every word.
Emphasizing key information
Very short paragraphs enable authors to place emphasis on key words and phrases that they want us to pay attention to. Perhaps it’s a clue or a moment of suspense. Maybe it’s to shock us. Maybe it’s to draw our focus towards an aspect of a character’s personality.
Because the one-liner stands out, it’s an opportunity for centre-staging. Here’s a great example from Harlan Coben’s Win, p. 38 (Century, 2021).
Because the one-liner stands out, it’s an opportunity for centre-staging. Here’s a great example from Harlan Coben’s Win, p. 38 (Century, 2021).
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Respect, yes. Bow, no. I also don’t use these techniques,
per the platitude, “only for self-defense,” an obvious untruth on the level of “the check is in the mail” or “don’t worry, I’ll pull out.” I use what I learn to defeat my enemies, no matter who the aggressor happens to be (usually: me). I like violence. I like it a lot. I don’t condone it for others. I condone it for me. I don’t fight as a last resort. I fight whenever I can. I don’t try to avoid trouble. I actively seek it out. After I finish with the bag, I bench-press, powerlift, squat. When I was younger, I’d have various lifting days—arm days, chest days, leg days. When I reached my forties, I found it paid to lift less often and with more variety. |
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Coben wants us to know something about his protagonist Windsor Horne Lockwood III, something we might find distasteful and hard to fathom. Nevertheless, it’s central to the characterization; Win’s actions throughout the novel don’t make sense unless we know this. Coben ensures we don’t miss it.
Creating clutter-free immediacy
Very short paragraphs pull the reader through each moment of the action, second by second, step by step.
This can reduce narrative distance – the space between the reader and the viewpoint character.
Here’s beautiful example from p. 296 of The Cold Cold Ground by Adrian McKinty (Serpent’s Tail, 2012)
This can reduce narrative distance – the space between the reader and the viewpoint character.
Here’s beautiful example from p. 296 of The Cold Cold Ground by Adrian McKinty (Serpent’s Tail, 2012)
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“You had to stick your fucking neb in, didn’t ya? You had to open your big yapper. Can’t you fucking take a hint? After all them ciggies we give you too,” he said.
He raised the gun. I closed my eyes. Held my breath. A bang. Silence. When I opened my eyes again Bobby Cameron was staring at me and shaking his head. Billy White was dead to my left with the back of his head blown off. |
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The narration is first person, so it’s already immersive. But the one-line paragraphs in bold drive us deeper into Sean Duffy’s experience. There’s no fluff, no filtering, no cluttering description.
Each moment of the action is presented oh so precisely, slamming us into the now of the novel – the weapon being raised, Duffy’s physical response, then what he hears: first a bang, then nothing.
In five lines and fourteen words, McKinty shows us something powerful – that he trusts us to get it. We don’t know for sure what Duffy is feeling. It could be sadness, terror, anger, resignation, or a combination of some or all those things.
The author’s had the courage to leave it to us, to allow us to imagine what this moment means internally for Duffy, rather than forcing us one way or another. In doing so, we get to be Duffy for a while rather than a fly on the wall. The narrative distance is so small, it’s barely perceptible.
Delivering suspenseful chapter finales
A smart one-liner at the end of a chapter can create suspense. Perhaps it’s a question, a shocking statement or a realization. Regardless, it leaves the reader aching for answers.
When that yearning is encapsulated in one line, it stands out and demands that we turn the page.
Here are the final two paragraphs from p. 132 of David Rosenfelt’s Open and Shut (Grand Central Publishing, 2002)
When that yearning is encapsulated in one line, it stands out and demands that we turn the page.
Here are the final two paragraphs from p. 132 of David Rosenfelt’s Open and Shut (Grand Central Publishing, 2002)
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The next morning, to my undying shame, I did not withdraw my request. I had the time of my life at camp that summer, and I know now that my father, so desperate for me to go that he was in terrible pain, had millions of dollars that he refused to touch.
Money that he did not make delivering newspapers. [Chapter ends] |
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There is only one question on the reader’s mind as the chapter closes: So how did his father make all that money?
And because the answer lies beyond – maybe in the next chapter, maybe right at the end of the book – we turn the page.
Why less is more
Overdependence on any literary device risks reducing its dramatic effect, and short paragraphs are no exception.
One-liners pack the biggest punch when they’re used now and then as a tool with which to vary the pulse of your prose and deepen your reader’s immersion in the world you’ve created.
Save them for best so that they stand out.
One-liners pack the biggest punch when they’re used now and then as a tool with which to vary the pulse of your prose and deepen your reader’s immersion in the world you’ve created.
Save them for best so that they stand out.
More writing and editing resources
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Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
- Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Your novel’s written in first person. Here are some tips for how to ensure your narrative doesn’t become overloaded with ‘I’ but remains immersive.
What’s covered in this post
- Why reduce the ‘I’
- Why ‘I’ still has a place front and centre
- Focusing on the exterior rather than the interior
- Reducing the use of filter words
- Removing speech and thought tags
- Applying the principles of free indirect speech
- Taking the 'I' out of introspection
- Balancing ‘I’ with ‘we’
Why reduce the ‘I’
We might think that the mention of ‘I’ would always make prose more immediate, and draw the reader in closer to the viewpoint character. But sometimes the opposite is true.
Too much ‘I’ is a tap on the shoulder, one that says to the reader, ‘Just in case you’ve forgotten who the narrator is, here are lots of reminders.’
The consequence is that readers are pulled away. And that can actually increase rather than reduce narrative distance.
Too much ‘I’ is a tap on the shoulder, one that says to the reader, ‘Just in case you’ve forgotten who the narrator is, here are lots of reminders.’
The consequence is that readers are pulled away. And that can actually increase rather than reduce narrative distance.
Why ‘I’ still has a place front and centre
I confess to being a huge fan of first-person narrations. When done well, the pronoun is almost invisible, even if it’s used frequently. Certainly the books I’ve borrowed excerpts from here allow ‘I’ to take centre stage.
However, they don’t rely on a first-person pronoun to convey experience, thought, speech and action. Below, I'll show you some examples – ones that ensure the intimacy of the narration style is left intact.
And so while we don’t want to obliterate ‘I’, because avoiding it completely would render the prose awkward, inauthentic and overworked, too much ‘I’ can be repetitive and interruptive. What’s required is a balance.
This post aims to offer you choice – fitting alternatives that retain intimacy and immediacy when you’re concerned you’ve overdone it.
However, they don’t rely on a first-person pronoun to convey experience, thought, speech and action. Below, I'll show you some examples – ones that ensure the intimacy of the narration style is left intact.
And so while we don’t want to obliterate ‘I’, because avoiding it completely would render the prose awkward, inauthentic and overworked, too much ‘I’ can be repetitive and interruptive. What’s required is a balance.
This post aims to offer you choice – fitting alternatives that retain intimacy and immediacy when you’re concerned you’ve overdone it.
1. Focus on the exterior rather than the interior
With a first-person narration, what’s reported must be through the lens of the narrator. Since their presence is a given, we don’t always need to be reminded that ‘I’ is involved.
A little peppering in a more objective report will suffice because the reader knows that it’s coming from the narrator, and only the narrator. It has to be.
And while writers can make space to explore the viewpoint character’s emotional behaviour, the exterior world is what grounds their experience in the novel’s physical world. It gives the novel substance, and the reader something to bite into.
Instead of focusing on who’s doing the reporting, shift the prose towards what’s being reported.
What and who else is in the scene? Why are they there? How do they behave? What do they look like? This information can be reported without ‘I’ so that the reader experiences the physical world within which the narrator is operating.
Here’s an example from To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee, Pan, 1974, p. 11).
A little peppering in a more objective report will suffice because the reader knows that it’s coming from the narrator, and only the narrator. It has to be.
And while writers can make space to explore the viewpoint character’s emotional behaviour, the exterior world is what grounds their experience in the novel’s physical world. It gives the novel substance, and the reader something to bite into.
Instead of focusing on who’s doing the reporting, shift the prose towards what’s being reported.
What and who else is in the scene? Why are they there? How do they behave? What do they look like? This information can be reported without ‘I’ so that the reader experiences the physical world within which the narrator is operating.
Here’s an example from To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee, Pan, 1974, p. 11).
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Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks, the court-house sagged in the square. Somehow, it was hotter then; a black dog suffered on a summer’s day; bony mules hitched to Hoover carts flicked flies in the sweltering shade of the live oaks on the square. Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon, after their three o’clock naps, and by nightfall were like soft tea-cakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum.
People moved slowly then. They ambled across the square, shuffled in and out of the stores around it, took their time about everything. A day was twenty-four hours long but seemed longer. There was no hurry, for there was nowhere to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with, nothing to see outside the boundaries of Maycomb County. But it was a time of vague optimism for some of the people: Maycomb County had recently been told that it had nothing to fear but fear itself. |
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Notice the (almost) absence of ‘I’. Scout – our narrator – tells us about the town she lived in: Maycomb. The recollection is hers certainly – ‘when I first knew it’ anchors it as such. It’s therefore intimate.
And yet because there’s only one I-nudge, we’re allowed enough emotional distance to step back and pan, like a roving camera, across Maycomb’s vista. We’re dislocated from Scout’s doing the experiencing and encouraged instead to focus on what she’s experiencing.
What’s happening here is a shift from the subjective to the objective.
Here’s an example of a short excerpt that’s subjective. The focus is on the I-narrator.
SUBJECTIVE FOCUS: 'I ...
I’m stunned by the news. Not that Hatchet has been up since early this morning, but that he has a wife. Someone actually sleeps with the man.
And here’s the real excerpt from David Rosenfelt’s Play Dead (Grand Central, 2009, p. 19). Now the focus is objective, yet in no way does this distance us from the centrality of the first-person narrator’s experience. We’re still deep in his head.
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OBJECTIVE FOCUS: NO 'I ...'
This is a stunning piece of news. Not that Hatchet has been up since early this morning, but that he has a wife. Someone actually sleeps with the man.
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2. Reduce the use of filter words
Filter words are a clue that an interior rather than exterior focus is in play. They’re verbs that increase the narrative distance, reminding us that what we’re reading is being told by someone rather than experienced, or shown, through the eyes of the character.
Examples include noticed, seemed, spotted, saw, realized, felt, thought, wondered, believed, knew, and decided.
Filter focus the reader’s gaze inwards (interior focus) on the manner through which the viewpoint character experiences the world – the how.
They come with a pronoun: I saw, they believed, we decided, she knew, he noticed.
By removing filter words, the reader’s gaze is shifted outwards (exterior focus) and onto what is being experienced. That can make for a more immersive read. Plus, the omission means we say goodbye to their accompanying pronoun: 'I'.
Here are a few examples to give you a flavour of how you might recast in a way that avoids first-person filtering.
Examples include noticed, seemed, spotted, saw, realized, felt, thought, wondered, believed, knew, and decided.
Filter focus the reader’s gaze inwards (interior focus) on the manner through which the viewpoint character experiences the world – the how.
They come with a pronoun: I saw, they believed, we decided, she knew, he noticed.
By removing filter words, the reader’s gaze is shifted outwards (exterior focus) and onto what is being experienced. That can make for a more immersive read. Plus, the omission means we say goodbye to their accompanying pronoun: 'I'.
Here are a few examples to give you a flavour of how you might recast in a way that avoids first-person filtering.
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‘I’ plus filter word. Reader’s gaze is inwards, on the how
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Recast: Reader’s gaze drawn outwards towards the what
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I recall the argument we had last week.
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Last week’s argument is still fresh in my mind.
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I recognized the man’s face.
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The man’s face was familiar.
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I saw the guy turn left and dart into the alley.
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The guy turned left and darted into the alley.
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I spotted the red Chevy from yesterday parked outside the bank.
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There, parked outside the bank, was the same red Chevy from yesterday.
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I still feel ashamed about the vile words I unleashed even after all these years.
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The vile words I unleashed still have the power to bathe me in shame even after all these years.
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3. Remove speech and thought tags
Dialogue tags are what writers use to indicate which character is speaking. Their function is, for the most part, mechanical. If the reader can keep track of who’s saying what in a conversation, you can omit dialogue tags.
This will work best if there are no more than two characters. Most writers don’t extend the omission for more than a few back-and-forths before they introduce a reminder tag or an action beat.
Watching out for unnecessary tags is good practice regardless of narration style, but with a first-person narration it’s a particularly efficient way to declutter ‘I’-heavy prose.
Take a look at this excerpt from David Rosenfelt’s Play Dead, pp. 194–5. There are two characters in this scene: Andy Carpenter, the protagonist and narrator, and Sam Willis, the non-POV character on the other end of the phone.
This will work best if there are no more than two characters. Most writers don’t extend the omission for more than a few back-and-forths before they introduce a reminder tag or an action beat.
Watching out for unnecessary tags is good practice regardless of narration style, but with a first-person narration it’s a particularly efficient way to declutter ‘I’-heavy prose.
Take a look at this excerpt from David Rosenfelt’s Play Dead, pp. 194–5. There are two characters in this scene: Andy Carpenter, the protagonist and narrator, and Sam Willis, the non-POV character on the other end of the phone.
“Great!” he says, making no effort to conceal his delight. He's probably hoping it results in another high-speed highway shooting.
“The woman's name is Donna Banks. She lives in apartment twenty-three-G in Sunset Towers in Fort Lee. I don't have the exact address, but you can get it.”
“Pretty swanky apartment,” he says.
“Right. I want you to find out the source of that swank.”
“What does that mean?”
“I want to know how she can afford it. She doesn't work, and she's the widow of a soldier. Maybe her name is Banks because her family owns a bunch of them, but I want to know for sure.”
“Got it.”
“No problem?” I ask. I'm always amazed at Sam's ability to access any information he needs. “Not so far. Anything else?”
“Yes. I left her apartment at ten thirty-five this morning. I want to know if she called anyone shortly after I left, and if so, who.”
“Gotcha. Which do you want me to get on first? Although neither will take very long.”
“I guess her source of income.”
“Then say it, Andy.”
“Say what?”
“Come on, play the game. You're asking me to find out where she gets her cash. So say it.”
“Sam …”
“Say it.”
“Okay. Show me the money.”
“Thatta boy. I'll get right on it.”
“The woman's name is Donna Banks. She lives in apartment twenty-three-G in Sunset Towers in Fort Lee. I don't have the exact address, but you can get it.”
“Pretty swanky apartment,” he says.
“Right. I want you to find out the source of that swank.”
“What does that mean?”
“I want to know how she can afford it. She doesn't work, and she's the widow of a soldier. Maybe her name is Banks because her family owns a bunch of them, but I want to know for sure.”
“Got it.”
“No problem?” I ask. I'm always amazed at Sam's ability to access any information he needs. “Not so far. Anything else?”
“Yes. I left her apartment at ten thirty-five this morning. I want to know if she called anyone shortly after I left, and if so, who.”
“Gotcha. Which do you want me to get on first? Although neither will take very long.”
“I guess her source of income.”
“Then say it, Andy.”
“Say what?”
“Come on, play the game. You're asking me to find out where she gets her cash. So say it.”
“Sam …”
“Say it.”
“Okay. Show me the money.”
“Thatta boy. I'll get right on it.”
The exchange involves 19 speech elements within the thread, but only 3 speech tags, and only one of those marks our first-person narrator.
At no point do we lose track, and at no point are we distracted by repetitive ‘I said’s.
4. Apply the principles of free indirect speech
If you’ve played with free indirect speech (also called free indirect style/discourse) in third-person narratives, call on your craft for first-person narration.
In a nutshell, free indirect speech offers the essence of first-person dialogue or thought but through a third-person viewpoint. The character’s voice takes the lead, but without the clutter of speech marks, speech tags, italic, or other devices to indicate who’s thinking or saying what.
Here’s an example of third-person narration. Notice the filter words ‘glanced’ and ‘noticed’, the italic present-tense thought, and the thought tag:
In a nutshell, free indirect speech offers the essence of first-person dialogue or thought but through a third-person viewpoint. The character’s voice takes the lead, but without the clutter of speech marks, speech tags, italic, or other devices to indicate who’s thinking or saying what.
Here’s an example of third-person narration. Notice the filter words ‘glanced’ and ‘noticed’, the italic present-tense thought, and the thought tag:
Dave glanced at the guy’s hand and noticed that the signature tattoo was missing. Christ, maybe my intel’s been compromised again, he thought.
Let’s change that to a first-person narration. The filter words are still there and there’s a thought tag with the ‘I’ pronoun.
I glanced at the guy’s hand and noticed that the signature tattoo was missing. Christ, maybe my intel’s been compromised again, I thought.
Here’s what the third-person version could look like in free indirect style. The filter words and tags are gone. It feels like a first-person thought but the base tense and third-person narration remain intact.
The signature tattoo on the guy’s hand was missing. Christ, had his intel been compromised again?
And now the first-person version. All I’ve done is swapped out the pronoun ‘his’ for ‘my’.
The signature tattoo on the guy’s hand was missing. Christ, had my intel been compromised again?
5. Take the ‘I’ out of introspection
There’s nothing wrong with contemplation and introspection. Authentic characters ruminate just like real people.
However, when prose is littered rather than peppered with constructions such as I wasn’t sure if, I didn’t know whether, I wondered if, it can feel muddled and be laborious to read. The reader might respond: Well, of course you’re wondering. Who else could it be? You’re the narrator.
Worse, readers might think the narrator’s rather self-absorbed and unsure of themselves. While that might be necessary now and then, it’s problematic if it’s a staple because a narrator who’s always focused on themselves, and who never instils confidence in us, can’t tell the story as effectively.
Look out for ‘I’-centred introspection and experiment with statements and questions that allow the ‘I’ to be assumed.
Here are a few examples to show you how it might work.
However, when prose is littered rather than peppered with constructions such as I wasn’t sure if, I didn’t know whether, I wondered if, it can feel muddled and be laborious to read. The reader might respond: Well, of course you’re wondering. Who else could it be? You’re the narrator.
Worse, readers might think the narrator’s rather self-absorbed and unsure of themselves. While that might be necessary now and then, it’s problematic if it’s a staple because a narrator who’s always focused on themselves, and who never instils confidence in us, can’t tell the story as effectively.
Look out for ‘I’-centred introspection and experiment with statements and questions that allow the ‘I’ to be assumed.
Here are a few examples to show you how it might work.
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‘I’-centred introspection
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‘I’-less introspection
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I wasn’t sure if Shami was a reliable witness but I couldn’t afford to ignore her, given what she’d divulged.
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Was Shami a reliable witness? Maybe, maybe not. She couldn’t be ignored given what she’d divulged.
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I still didn’t know who the killer was.
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The killer’s identity was still a mystery.
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I wondered whether Shami was a reliable witness.
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Shami might or might not be a reliable witness.
Shami’s reliability as a witness was hardly a given. Shami’s reliability as a witness was questionable. |
6. Balance ‘I’ with ‘we’
Another option is to consider whether your narrator’s lived experience at particular points within the novel involves others.
This is an opportunity to frame the narrative around ‘we’ rather than just ‘I’.
Here’s an excerpt from To Kill a Mockingbird (p. 162) in which Scout, Harper Lee’s first-person narrator, frames the recollection around not just her own experience but those of the people she was hanging out with.
This is an opportunity to frame the narrative around ‘we’ rather than just ‘I’.
Here’s an excerpt from To Kill a Mockingbird (p. 162) in which Scout, Harper Lee’s first-person narrator, frames the recollection around not just her own experience but those of the people she was hanging out with.
As the county went by us, Jem gave Dill the histories and general attitudes of the more prominent figures: M4 Tensaw Jones voted the straight Prohibition ticket; Miss Emily Davis dipped snuff in private; Mr Byron Waller could play the violin; Mr Jake Slade was cutting his third set of teeth.
A wagonload of unusually stern-faced citizens appeared. When they pointed to Miss Maudie Atkinson's yard, ablaze with summer flowers, Miss Maudie herself came out on the porch. There was an odd thing about Miss Maudie – on her porch she was too far away for us to see her features clearly, but we could always catch her mood by the way she stood. She was now standing arms akimbo, her shoulders drooping a little, her head cocked to one side, her glasses winking in the sunlight.
A wagonload of unusually stern-faced citizens appeared. When they pointed to Miss Maudie Atkinson's yard, ablaze with summer flowers, Miss Maudie herself came out on the porch. There was an odd thing about Miss Maudie – on her porch she was too far away for us to see her features clearly, but we could always catch her mood by the way she stood. She was now standing arms akimbo, her shoulders drooping a little, her head cocked to one side, her glasses winking in the sunlight.
The effect is powerful because we’re shown rather than told a sense of her belonging, of her being in a group, of the togetherness of that experience. And that intensifies our immersion in her world.
Summing up
There’s nothing wrong with ‘I’, but a first-person narrator can tell a story without relying on their pronoun all the time. Since they’re the ones doing the reporting, the ‘I’ can often be assumed.
Try recasting sentences that start with ‘I’ more objectively, so that the focus is on the what – the emotion, the object, the person, the action and so on – rather than the sense being used to experience it or the I-narrator doing the experience.
Use the principles of free indirect speech to reduce your ‘I’ count. It’s a tool that encourages a narrowing of narrative distance to such a degree that the reader feels deeply connected to the viewpoint character – more like we’re reading a thought than straight narrative.
As for speech and thought tags, you might not need as many as you think. The speaker can usually be identified without them if there are only two people in the conversation. Removing redundant tags is worth considering whichever narration style you’re writing in.
Try recasting sentences that start with ‘I’ more objectively, so that the focus is on the what – the emotion, the object, the person, the action and so on – rather than the sense being used to experience it or the I-narrator doing the experience.
Use the principles of free indirect speech to reduce your ‘I’ count. It’s a tool that encourages a narrowing of narrative distance to such a degree that the reader feels deeply connected to the viewpoint character – more like we’re reading a thought than straight narrative.
As for speech and thought tags, you might not need as many as you think. The speaker can usually be identified without them if there are only two people in the conversation. Removing redundant tags is worth considering whichever narration style you’re writing in.
Related resources
- 3 reasons to use free indirect speech
- 6 ways to improve your novel right now
- Author resource library (includes links to free webinars)
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level: A Guide for Beginner and Developing Writers
- Filter words in fiction: Purposeful inclusion and dramatic restriction
- Making Sense of Point of View: Transform Your Fiction 1
- What is head-hopping, and is it spoiling your fiction writing?
- Switching to Fiction: Course for new fiction editors
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
- Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
- Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
- Learn: Books and courses
- Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Do you know your brand colours? They’re part of what makes you recognizable, so they’re worth paying attention to – and sticking to. Here’s one way to keep track of your choices and enforce consistency.
What is a brand palette?
A brand palette is the group of colours you use across your business materials, including the following:
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If we’re communicating in online spaces that we don’t control, we’re limited to a certain extent by the platform’s own brand palette.
For example, we can upload on-brand images to our Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn headers, but we can’t change the colour of the links or icons on our posts.
And members of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading who advertise in its Directory of Editorial Services can upload on-brand headshots, videos and images to their listings but must work within the CIEP’s unique brand palette.
Do the best you can in the spaces you don’t control. In those you do, go for consistency. Here’s why it’s important.
For example, we can upload on-brand images to our Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn headers, but we can’t change the colour of the links or icons on our posts.
And members of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading who advertise in its Directory of Editorial Services can upload on-brand headshots, videos and images to their listings but must work within the CIEP’s unique brand palette.
Do the best you can in the spaces you don’t control. In those you do, go for consistency. Here’s why it’s important.
Why a consistent brand palette is powerful
Think about brands like Coke, Reese’s Pieces, Cadbury, McDonald’s, IKEA and Aldi. You can probably reel off the colours you associate with those companies, and that means you can identify them from afar or with just a glimpse.
Editorial brand palettes work the same way. They make us recognizable such that our colleagues, clients, friends and business partners can identify us in online spaces before they’ve dug into the detail of our messaging.
If we’ve already built trust with those people, they’re more likely to take the time to engage with our content because they know who it’s from.
Of course, they can also decide not to engage with us when our brand colours pop up in their social feeds or email inboxes because they’re not interested in us. Being recognizable means we don’t waste their time, and they don’t waste ours!
Editorial brand palettes work the same way. They make us recognizable such that our colleagues, clients, friends and business partners can identify us in online spaces before they’ve dug into the detail of our messaging.
If we’ve already built trust with those people, they’re more likely to take the time to engage with our content because they know who it’s from.
Of course, they can also decide not to engage with us when our brand colours pop up in their social feeds or email inboxes because they’re not interested in us. Being recognizable means we don’t waste their time, and they don’t waste ours!
Deciding on your brand-palette rules
Once you’ve decided which colours are in your brand palette, consider your rules.
My brand palette comprises grey, white, grape, maroon and teal. My brand-palette rules include the following:
If you’re the kind of editor who can hold several hex colours in your head, all power to you. I’m not. I need to record them so I can access them quickly and remind myself of the ‘rules’ I’ve created.
That's why I built a brand book.
My brand palette comprises grey, white, grape, maroon and teal. My brand-palette rules include the following:
- Brand-colour gradients are allowed on some sections of my website
- Tints, shades and tones of my brand colours are allowed if UX will be improved
- Buttons on my website must always be solid teal
- Linked text must always be maroon with a teal hover
- Blog-post images take grape boxes on greyscale images
If you’re the kind of editor who can hold several hex colours in your head, all power to you. I’m not. I need to record them so I can access them quickly and remind myself of the ‘rules’ I’ve created.
That's why I built a brand book.
How to record your brand palette
A brand book isn’t the only way of recording your brand colours, but it’s useful if you want a single space in which to keep track of your brand colours, something you can access every time you create content related to your business. Mine's bookmarked so I can get to it quickly.
It's also a one-stop-shop you can send to creative consultants if you’re commissioning artwork or design services.
Don't stop at colours! Use it record all your editorial business's brand essentials. For example:
It's also a one-stop-shop you can send to creative consultants if you’re commissioning artwork or design services.
Don't stop at colours! Use it record all your editorial business's brand essentials. For example:
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Here's what mine looks like. Use the thumbnails to move through the slideshow. If you’d like a free copy to mimic, head over to the branding page in my resource library and select the FREE BOOKLETS icon.
If it’s not something you think you can create for yourself, the Canva template is included free with the following courses:
If you’ve already bought one of them, log in to access the template, then copy it and edit it to create your own brand book quickly.
If you’ve already bought one of them, log in to access the template, then copy it and edit it to create your own brand book quickly.
Summing up
A brand palette ensures your editing business is consistently recognizable across multiple media. That means those who already know and trust you can spot you from afar or with a glimpse. And those just getting to know you understand what to expect.
Pick your colours and stick to them. Then keep a record of your choices. It means you can be sure you’ll be on brand everywhere!
Pick your colours and stick to them. Then keep a record of your choices. It means you can be sure you’ll be on brand everywhere!
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Novel dialogue is not like reality, where much of what we say is of little consequence to the bigger picture of our lives. Here’s how to check that all your dialogue needs to be there. Then remove the mundane!
Why speech in a novel is different
Artful dialogue requires balancing realism with engagement and ensuring that every word spoken by a character pushes the novel forward rather than making the reader feel like they’re eavesdropping on a mundane conversation at the bus stop
Every line of dialogue should have a purpose. If it doesn’t, it probably shouldn’t be in your book.
It can take courage to remove words you've spent an age crafting but as I hope to show in the example below, readers don't need every little detail. Less is so often more!
Every line of dialogue should have a purpose. If it doesn’t, it probably shouldn’t be in your book.
It can take courage to remove words you've spent an age crafting but as I hope to show in the example below, readers don't need every little detail. Less is so often more!
A three-pronged approach to dialogue
My favourite way of assessing whether dialogue is working is to think in terms of voice, mood and intention.
When we focus on those three things, we avoid dull dialogue – conversations about the weather, how someone takes their tea or coffee, and courtesy statements such as ‘Hi, how are you?’
When we focus on those three things, we avoid dull dialogue – conversations about the weather, how someone takes their tea or coffee, and courtesy statements such as ‘Hi, how are you?’
Voice
Voice tells us who characters are, what makes them tick – their fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams, identity, preferences.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, rude, measured, polite, sweary or seductive.
When we change the way a character speaks, we change their voice. And that means we change them.
Voice tells us who characters are, what makes them tick – their fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams, identity, preferences.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, rude, measured, polite, sweary or seductive.
When we change the way a character speaks, we change their voice. And that means we change them.
Mood
Characters can show us how they’re feeling via their dialogue.
Emotionally evocative speech allows readers to access the internal experience of a non-viewpoint character. And that makes it a powerful tool.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, assertive, hesitant, forceful, pleading. Using the right words means the speech tags and narrative won’t need to be cluttered with further explanation.
Characters can show us how they’re feeling via their dialogue.
Emotionally evocative speech allows readers to access the internal experience of a non-viewpoint character. And that makes it a powerful tool.
Perhaps their speech is abrupt, assertive, hesitant, forceful, pleading. Using the right words means the speech tags and narrative won’t need to be cluttered with further explanation.
Intention
Intention is another way of framing subtext. How characters speak tells us what they want.
Perhaps they’re asking questions for the purpose of discovery and understanding whodunit (doctors, lawyers, PIs and police officers regularly use dialogue in novels to this end). Dialogue can express a multitude of motivations.
Ask yourself what your character wants every time they open their mouth.
Intention is another way of framing subtext. How characters speak tells us what they want.
Perhaps they’re asking questions for the purpose of discovery and understanding whodunit (doctors, lawyers, PIs and police officers regularly use dialogue in novels to this end). Dialogue can express a multitude of motivations.
Ask yourself what your character wants every time they open their mouth.
Example: Real but mundane dialogue
Let’s look at an example of dialogue that represents the kind of conversation one would expect to hear in real life. It includes the polite chitchat that people indulge in before they get down to business.
Laurie comes back to the office with me for a meeting with Kevin. These meetings are basically of dubious value, since all we seem to do is list the things we don’t understand in our preparation for a trial we don’t know will even take place.
“Hi, Kevin,” I say.
“Hey, Andy. How you doin’?”
“Not too bad, thanks. Christ, it’s cold out though. I need something to warm me up. Gonna grab a coffee. Want one? Laurie, you?”
Kevin nods.
Laurie says, “Please. Milk and sugar.”
“So Kevin,” I say as I hand around the drinks, “we need to talk about Petrone.”
It’s the first chance I’ve had to tell Kevin about my meeting with the guy. I fill him in. When I get to the part where Petrone denied trying to have me killed, Kevin asks, “And you believed him?”
“I did.”
“Just because that’s what he said?”
I nod. “As stupid as it might sound, yes. I’ve had dealings with him before, and he’s always told me the truth, or nothing at all. And he had nothing to gain by lying.”
“Andy, the guy has had a lot of people murdered. How many confessions has he made?”
“Hi, Kevin,” I say.
“Hey, Andy. How you doin’?”
“Not too bad, thanks. Christ, it’s cold out though. I need something to warm me up. Gonna grab a coffee. Want one? Laurie, you?”
Kevin nods.
Laurie says, “Please. Milk and sugar.”
“So Kevin,” I say as I hand around the drinks, “we need to talk about Petrone.”
It’s the first chance I’ve had to tell Kevin about my meeting with the guy. I fill him in. When I get to the part where Petrone denied trying to have me killed, Kevin asks, “And you believed him?”
“I did.”
“Just because that’s what he said?”
I nod. “As stupid as it might sound, yes. I’ve had dealings with him before, and he’s always told me the truth, or nothing at all. And he had nothing to gain by lying.”
“Andy, the guy has had a lot of people murdered. How many confessions has he made?”
Were you enthralled by the welcome and refreshments section, or did you just wish we could get to the point? I think I know the answer!
The slimmed-down version
Now let’s look at how author David Rosenfelt actually wrote this excerpt from Play Dead (Grand Central, 2009, p. 175), and beautifully too:
Laurie comes back to the office with me for a meeting with Kevin.
These meetings are basically of dubious value, since all we seem to do is list the things we don’t understand in our preparation for a trial we don’t know will even take place.
It’s the first chance I’ve had to tell Kevin about my meeting with Petrone. I fill him in. When I get to the part where Petrone denied trying to have me killed, Kevin asks, “And you believed him?”
“I did.”
“Just because that’s what he said?”
I nod. “As stupid as it might sound, yes. I’ve had dealings with him before, and he’s always told me the truth, or nothing at all. And he had nothing to gain by lying.”
“Andy, the guy has had a lot of people murdered. How many confessions has he made?”
These meetings are basically of dubious value, since all we seem to do is list the things we don’t understand in our preparation for a trial we don’t know will even take place.
It’s the first chance I’ve had to tell Kevin about my meeting with Petrone. I fill him in. When I get to the part where Petrone denied trying to have me killed, Kevin asks, “And you believed him?”
“I did.”
“Just because that’s what he said?”
I nod. “As stupid as it might sound, yes. I’ve had dealings with him before, and he’s always told me the truth, or nothing at all. And he had nothing to gain by lying.”
“Andy, the guy has had a lot of people murdered. How many confessions has he made?”
What readers don’t care about
Rosenfelt knows that none of his readers care about the weather, the coffee, or whether people say hello to each other or not.
And so he leaves all of that out and lets the reader imagine that this stuff took place. And it’s enough. In the published novel, as opposed to the version I butchered, the first line of speech is “And you believed him.”
With that, we’re straight into Kevin’s incredulity and concern, and his desire to understand what the team is dealing with in regard to Petrone.
Meanwhile, Andy has his lawyer hat on. His initial reply is succinct, so that we are left in no doubt about his belief that Petrone was telling the truth, and that he is determined to reassure Kevin.
This is no-messing dialogue that focuses on story, not whether the speech is what we might actually hear – in its entirety – in real life.
It’s an excellent example of an author ensuring that every word counts and that there’s no bus-stop-talk filler.
And so he leaves all of that out and lets the reader imagine that this stuff took place. And it’s enough. In the published novel, as opposed to the version I butchered, the first line of speech is “And you believed him.”
With that, we’re straight into Kevin’s incredulity and concern, and his desire to understand what the team is dealing with in regard to Petrone.
Meanwhile, Andy has his lawyer hat on. His initial reply is succinct, so that we are left in no doubt about his belief that Petrone was telling the truth, and that he is determined to reassure Kevin.
This is no-messing dialogue that focuses on story, not whether the speech is what we might actually hear – in its entirety – in real life.
It’s an excellent example of an author ensuring that every word counts and that there’s no bus-stop-talk filler.
Summing up
To declutter dialogue and make every word count, ask yourself the following:
Want the booklet version of this post? It's available on my Dialogue resources library. Click on the cover below to hop over to the page. Once you're there, choose the Booklets icon.
- Is every line relevant to the story?
- Is the character speaking with purpose or taking up ink/pixels on the page?
- Can mundane chitchat be removed without damaging sense and flow?
- Could the dull stuff be replaced with speech that deepens character?
Want the booklet version of this post? It's available on my Dialogue resources library. Click on the cover below to hop over to the page. Once you're there, choose the Booklets icon.
More fiction editing resources for authors and editors
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level
- Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’
- Making Sense of Point of View
- Making Sense of Punctuation
- How to Write the Perfect Fiction Editorial Report
- Switching to Fiction
- The Differences Between Developmental Editing, Line Editing, Copyediting and Proofreading (free webinar)
- How to Punctuate Dialogue in a Novel (free webinar)
- Resource library: Dialogue and thoughts
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Your novel features characters from different countries. Should their dialogue, thoughts or narration be spelled differently just because their voices are regionally distinct and they come from different places? The answer’s no. Here’s why.
What's covered in this post
In this post, I explore the following:
- How there are multiple Englishes with different spellings
- The difference between spelling style and voice
- A case study from the 007 files
- Overcoming ‘But it looks wrong’
- Adding regional flavour to voice
- 3 examples of when spelling inconsistency works
- A note on suffixes, dashes and quotation marks
Multiple Englishes, different spellings
There are multiple Englishes each with their own spelling conventions: British, Indian, Canadian, American and Australian are just five examples of English.
Most words are spelled the same regardless of which English is in play, though there are many that aren’t, for example ‘color’/’colour’, ‘judgment’/‘judgement’, ‘harmonize’/‘harmonise’, ‘behavior’/‘behaviour’, ‘gray’/‘grey’, 'liter'/'litre'.
None are right or wrong, better or worse, or correct or incorrect. Rather, the way each version of English is spelled is about convention and style.
This post uses examples of American English (AmE) and British English (BrE) style to explain how to approach spelling/voice conundrums in fiction.
Most words are spelled the same regardless of which English is in play, though there are many that aren’t, for example ‘color’/’colour’, ‘judgment’/‘judgement’, ‘harmonize’/‘harmonise’, ‘behavior’/‘behaviour’, ‘gray’/‘grey’, 'liter'/'litre'.
None are right or wrong, better or worse, or correct or incorrect. Rather, the way each version of English is spelled is about convention and style.
This post uses examples of American English (AmE) and British English (BrE) style to explain how to approach spelling/voice conundrums in fiction.
The difference between spelling style and voice
Strive for a mindset that separates style and character voice.
Voice isn’t something that’s spelled. Rather, it’s something the reader experiences, ‘hears’ with their mind’s ear. It therefore follows the base spelling style, regardless of where the character comes from. With that in mind:
The easiest way to illustrate how spelling consistency works is with a case study. Let’s take a peek into the world of 007!
- How the words in a novel are spelled is for the most part a question of style.
- What a character says, thinks, feels, and the words used to report this on the page, is a question of voice. This is the case for dialogue and narrative.
Voice isn’t something that’s spelled. Rather, it’s something the reader experiences, ‘hears’ with their mind’s ear. It therefore follows the base spelling style, regardless of where the character comes from. With that in mind:
- If you’re writing fiction, decide on your spelling style and stick to it.
- If you’re editing for an author, identify the spelling style and aim for consistency.
The easiest way to illustrate how spelling consistency works is with a case study. Let’s take a peek into the world of 007!
A case study from the 007 files
I’ve chosen Jeffery Deaver’s Carte Blanche, a continuation novel featuring Ian’s Fleming’s British MI6 agent, James Bond.
The version from Hodder & Stoughton (part of Hachette UK), published in 2011, is styled as follows:
The version from Hodder & Stoughton (part of Hachette UK), published in 2011, is styled as follows:
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Here’s are three snippets from Chapter 2.
It was eight forty and the Sunday evening was clear here, near Novi Sad, where the Pannonian Plain rose to a landscape that the Serbs called ‘mountainous’, though Bond guessed the adjective must have been chosen to attract tourists;
‘Now, I’m ninety per cent sure he’ll believe you,’ Bond said. ‘But if not, and he engages, remember that under no circumstances is he to be killed. I need him alive. Aim to wound in the arm he favours, near the elbow, not the shoulder.’ Despite what one saw in the movies, a shoulder wound was usually as fatal as one to the abdomen or chest.
The Night Action alert meant an immediate response was required, at whatever time it was received. The call to his chief of staff had blessedly cut the date short and soon he had been en route to Serbia, under a Level 2 project order, authorising him to identify the Irishman, plant trackers and other surveillance devices and follow him.
‘Now, I’m ninety per cent sure he’ll believe you,’ Bond said. ‘But if not, and he engages, remember that under no circumstances is he to be killed. I need him alive. Aim to wound in the arm he favours, near the elbow, not the shoulder.’ Despite what one saw in the movies, a shoulder wound was usually as fatal as one to the abdomen or chest.
The Night Action alert meant an immediate response was required, at whatever time it was received. The call to his chief of staff had blessedly cut the date short and soon he had been en route to Serbia, under a Level 2 project order, authorising him to identify the Irishman, plant trackers and other surveillance devices and follow him.
The version from Pocket Star Books (a division of Simon and Schuster), published in 2012, is styled as follows:
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Bond’s words haven’t changed. Bond’s nationality hasn’t changed. Bond’s job hasn’t changed. Bond’s narrative voice hasn’t changed. All that’s changed is the novel’s styling.
It was eight forty and the Sunday evening was clear here, near Novi Sad, where the Pannonian Plain rose to a landscape that the Serbs called “mountainous,” though Bond guessed the adjective must have been chosen to attract tourists;
“Now, I’m ninety percent sure he’ll believe you, Bond said. “But if not, and he engages, remember that under no circumstances is he to be killed. I need him alive. Aim to wound in the arm he favors, near the elbow, not the shoulder.” Despite what one saw in the movies, a shoulder wound was usually as fatal as one to the abdomen or chest.
The Night Action alert meant an immediate response was required, at whatever time it was received. The call to his chief of staff had blessedly cut the date short and soon he had been en route to Serbia, under a Level 2 project order, authorizing him to identify the Irishman, plant trackers and other surveillance devices and follow him.
“Now, I’m ninety percent sure he’ll believe you, Bond said. “But if not, and he engages, remember that under no circumstances is he to be killed. I need him alive. Aim to wound in the arm he favors, near the elbow, not the shoulder.” Despite what one saw in the movies, a shoulder wound was usually as fatal as one to the abdomen or chest.
The Night Action alert meant an immediate response was required, at whatever time it was received. The call to his chief of staff had blessedly cut the date short and soon he had been en route to Serbia, under a Level 2 project order, authorizing him to identify the Irishman, plant trackers and other surveillance devices and follow him.
Later in the novel (Chapter 26), Felix Leiter, an American, joins Bond on his mission. Here’s how Leiter’s dialogue is rendered in the AmE version:
Felix Leiter, a former marine whom Bond had met in the service, was a HUMINT spy. He vastly preferred the role of handler—running local assets, like Yusuf Nasad. “I pulled in a lot of favors and talked to all my key assets. Whatever Hydt and his local contacts’re up to, they’re keeping the lid on really tight. I can’t find any leads. Nobody’s been moving any mysterious shipments of nasty stuff into Dubai. Nobody’s been telling friends and family to avoid this mosque or that shopping center around seven tonight. No bad actors’re slipping in from across the Gulf.”
And here it is in the BrE version. Leiter is still American and still has the same distinct voice, but now the spelling has changed (as has the punctuation; note the spaced en dash and single quotation marks).
Felix Leiter, a former marine whom Bond had met in the service, was a HUMINT spy. He vastly preferred the role of handler – running local assets, like Yusuf Nasad. ‘I pulled in a lot of favours and talked to all my key assets. Whatever Hydt and his local contacts’re up to, they’re keeping the lid on really tight. I can’t find any leads. Nobody’s been moving any mysterious shipments of nasty stuff into Dubai. Nobody’s been telling friends and family to avoid this mosque or that shopping centre around seven tonight. No bad actors’re slipping in from across the Gulf.’
Overcoming ‘But it looks wrong’
Our brains can mess with us when we associate a particular spelling style with a character’s place of birth or residence, particularly if their voice is regionally distinct.
For example, perhaps they use idiomatic phrases that wedge them firmly in a country, state/province/county or even town/city that we’re from.
The British editor working on a book set in Southern California and written by an American author who writes in AmE might well struggle when a viewpoint character from Norfolk (the UK one where I live) turns up in Santa Barbara and mutters the following on seeing a cluster of huge ladybirds:
“Look at the color o’ them bishy barnabees. And big as a thruppence too!”
The spelling of ‘color’ might jar because ‘thruppence’ is so clearly unAmerican, so very British, while ‘bishy barnabees’ is particular to Norfolk. And yet the spelling is (and should be) AmE if that’s how the novel’s been styled overall.
An editor colleague recently reported this kind of problem in a Facebook group discussion. The novel was set in AmE, but the British viewpoint character spoke, thought and talked to herself in a Yorkshire accent. The first-person narration style deepened the voice still further.
‘The character's voice is really strong,’ the editor said, ‘and the US spelling seems at odds.’
The editor slept on it and the next day announced a simple but clever solution that had enabled her to overcome her resistance.
‘I mentally changed the British voice to a South African one so that I'm not so conscious of spelling variations, et voilà! It's suddenly clear as day.’
It’s a neat trick, a way of breaking the false connection between spelling and voice. If you come up against a similar situation, try it!
For example, perhaps they use idiomatic phrases that wedge them firmly in a country, state/province/county or even town/city that we’re from.
The British editor working on a book set in Southern California and written by an American author who writes in AmE might well struggle when a viewpoint character from Norfolk (the UK one where I live) turns up in Santa Barbara and mutters the following on seeing a cluster of huge ladybirds:
“Look at the color o’ them bishy barnabees. And big as a thruppence too!”
The spelling of ‘color’ might jar because ‘thruppence’ is so clearly unAmerican, so very British, while ‘bishy barnabees’ is particular to Norfolk. And yet the spelling is (and should be) AmE if that’s how the novel’s been styled overall.
An editor colleague recently reported this kind of problem in a Facebook group discussion. The novel was set in AmE, but the British viewpoint character spoke, thought and talked to herself in a Yorkshire accent. The first-person narration style deepened the voice still further.
‘The character's voice is really strong,’ the editor said, ‘and the US spelling seems at odds.’
The editor slept on it and the next day announced a simple but clever solution that had enabled her to overcome her resistance.
‘I mentally changed the British voice to a South African one so that I'm not so conscious of spelling variations, et voilà! It's suddenly clear as day.’
It’s a neat trick, a way of breaking the false connection between spelling and voice. If you come up against a similar situation, try it!
Adding regional flavour to voice
If you’re still worried that a spelling choice looks odd, remember that voice lies not in how the text is spelled but in what the character is saying, the turns of phrase they use, and the emotions and motivations behind their action (whether that action comes through speech, thought, movement or narration).
It’s worth bearing in mind, too, that language is often borrowed to the extent that some words no longer feel like, say, Britishisms, Americanisms, Canadianisms or Indianisms when they roll out of our mouths, regardless of how we identify or where we live.
Would I, a Brit, ever use the terms ‘cell phone’ and ‘movie’ rather than ‘mobile’ and ‘film’? Yes, I would.
How about ‘elevator’ rather than ‘lift’, ‘sidewalk’ rather than ‘pavement’, ‘aluminum’ rather than ‘aluminium’? Would I refer to ‘my mom’ rather than ‘my mum?’ Not while roaming around Norwich, but on a visit to Chicago, possibly, if I wanted to ensure people understood me. And almost definitely if I'd made my home there for some time.
Perhaps, then, the trick is not to be too precious about it, either when we’re writing or editing. Instead, we can consider the character’s environment and the degree to which the ‘local’ language flavour is something they’re likely to have assimilated into their speech, thoughts and narratives.
Those choices aside, the spelling style will be consistent. Unless …
It’s worth bearing in mind, too, that language is often borrowed to the extent that some words no longer feel like, say, Britishisms, Americanisms, Canadianisms or Indianisms when they roll out of our mouths, regardless of how we identify or where we live.
Would I, a Brit, ever use the terms ‘cell phone’ and ‘movie’ rather than ‘mobile’ and ‘film’? Yes, I would.
How about ‘elevator’ rather than ‘lift’, ‘sidewalk’ rather than ‘pavement’, ‘aluminum’ rather than ‘aluminium’? Would I refer to ‘my mom’ rather than ‘my mum?’ Not while roaming around Norwich, but on a visit to Chicago, possibly, if I wanted to ensure people understood me. And almost definitely if I'd made my home there for some time.
Perhaps, then, the trick is not to be too precious about it, either when we’re writing or editing. Instead, we can consider the character’s environment and the degree to which the ‘local’ language flavour is something they’re likely to have assimilated into their speech, thoughts and narratives.
Those choices aside, the spelling style will be consistent. Unless …
3 examples of when spelling inconsistency works
There are instances where inconsistent styling will be called for. Here are 3.
The character is spelling a spelling
Imagine a Bond novel is styled in BrE. Bond and Leiter are speaking to each other on the phone and the line is terrible. Bond thinks Leiter has said ‘dissenter’. Leiter’s dialogue might go like this: ‘Not dissenter. The centre. C-E-N-T-E-R. Move to the centre.’
A proper noun is being referenced
Now imagine Bond’s telling Leiter that he’s received intelligence about a heist in the Rockefeller Center. Even if the novel’s styled in BrE, the AmE spelling of ‘Center’ should be retained because it’s referencing the name of a building.
Excerpts from written materials have been transcribed
Excerpts from diaries, newspaper cuttings, reports, letters, texts and so on can be rendered in the spelling style most likely used by whomever in the novel wrote them because they’re supposed to be authentic transcripts.
Imagine that Bond’s reading a document written by an American CIA operative. Even if the novel is styled in BrE, the spelling in the report would be AmE, unless referencing a proper noun that required a BrE spelling.
The character is spelling a spelling
Imagine a Bond novel is styled in BrE. Bond and Leiter are speaking to each other on the phone and the line is terrible. Bond thinks Leiter has said ‘dissenter’. Leiter’s dialogue might go like this: ‘Not dissenter. The centre. C-E-N-T-E-R. Move to the centre.’
A proper noun is being referenced
Now imagine Bond’s telling Leiter that he’s received intelligence about a heist in the Rockefeller Center. Even if the novel’s styled in BrE, the AmE spelling of ‘Center’ should be retained because it’s referencing the name of a building.
Excerpts from written materials have been transcribed
Excerpts from diaries, newspaper cuttings, reports, letters, texts and so on can be rendered in the spelling style most likely used by whomever in the novel wrote them because they’re supposed to be authentic transcripts.
Imagine that Bond’s reading a document written by an American CIA operative. Even if the novel is styled in BrE, the spelling in the report would be AmE, unless referencing a proper noun that required a BrE spelling.
A note on suffixes, dashes and quotation marks
Finally, a quick note on style and how writers and editors need to consider whether they're being overly prescriptive. I recommend thinking in terms of common conventions rather than rules.
Suffixes
In AmE, it’s standard to spell with -iz- suffixes.
In BrE, both -iz- and -is- are standard. Again, it’s a matter of style.
Thus, in the Night Action alert excerpt above, if Hodder had elected to use ‘authorized’ instead of ‘authorised’, this would not have been a slippage into American spelling but a style choice – an accepted BrE variant that’s been around since the sixteenth century.
Dashes
While most US publishers favour closed-up em dashes and most British publishers favour spaced en dashes when used parenthetically (see the Leiter snippet in the case study), it’s not wrong to used unspaced em dashes when writing in BrE style; it’s Oxford’s preference, for example.
Quotation marks
Again, while it’s more common to see single quotation marks in BrE styling and doubles in AmE, this isn’t an unbreakable rule. Indie authors can choose, for example, BrE spelling and double quotation marks if they wish.
In all three cases, consistency is what counts.
Suffixes
In AmE, it’s standard to spell with -iz- suffixes.
In BrE, both -iz- and -is- are standard. Again, it’s a matter of style.
Thus, in the Night Action alert excerpt above, if Hodder had elected to use ‘authorized’ instead of ‘authorised’, this would not have been a slippage into American spelling but a style choice – an accepted BrE variant that’s been around since the sixteenth century.
Dashes
While most US publishers favour closed-up em dashes and most British publishers favour spaced en dashes when used parenthetically (see the Leiter snippet in the case study), it’s not wrong to used unspaced em dashes when writing in BrE style; it’s Oxford’s preference, for example.
Quotation marks
Again, while it’s more common to see single quotation marks in BrE styling and doubles in AmE, this isn’t an unbreakable rule. Indie authors can choose, for example, BrE spelling and double quotation marks if they wish.
In all three cases, consistency is what counts.
Summing up
Voice can be flavoured by what is said, thought and narrated, and it can show us aspects of a character’s personality, emotions, motivations and background – regardless of how the words that convey it are spelled.
Spelling is about style. The goal is consistency in the main, complemented by good-sense deviation when necessary.
That’s how the mainstream publishing industry approaches it, and editors and writers will do well to follow their lead.
Spelling is about style. The goal is consistency in the main, complemented by good-sense deviation when necessary.
That’s how the mainstream publishing industry approaches it, and editors and writers will do well to follow their lead.
Related resources
- Author and editor resources library
- Blog post: How do I find spelling inconsistencies when proofreading and editing?
- Blog post: How to convey accents in fiction writing: Beyond phonetic spelling
- Blog post: What's the difference between a rule and a preference? Advice for new writers
- Booklet: British English and US English in your fiction, and why you should be consistent
- Podcast: Think it’s American? Think again!
- Podcast: Linguist Rob Drummond on grammar pedantry, peevery and youth language
Visit the grammar and spelling page in my resource library to download a free booklet summarizing suffix variations in American and British English.
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Here’s why it’s worth paying attention to the length of your novel whether you’re publishing independently or submitting to an agent with the aim of securing a publishing contract.
What determines word count?
Guidance on word counts differs according to:
The infographic below provides a very rough guide to word counts – lower and upper limits and a midpoint. These align with publishing convention.
And these are conventions rather than rules, which is why the ranges are rather wide for some genres.
- type of book
- target age group
- genre
The infographic below provides a very rough guide to word counts – lower and upper limits and a midpoint. These align with publishing convention.
And these are conventions rather than rules, which is why the ranges are rather wide for some genres.
Economics: Printing costs
Pages cost money. KDP says: ‘Printing costs vary depending on page count and ink type (black ink or color ink). Trim size, bleed settings, and cover finish don’t affect printing cost.’
Bear in mind, however, that your chosen trim size will affect the number of words you or your designer fits on a page and therefore the page count, which in turn will affect printing costs.
It’s therefore worth experimenting with different trim sizes and interior designs if you’re going down the print-on-demand route.
There’ll be an optimal design that offers the desired aesthetic for your budget. Approximate calculations are available via the KDP print cost calculator.
If you’re printing in bulk with your own printer, there might be economies of scale on offer for larger print runs. Talk to the supplier and your formatter about how to keep costs down by tweaking the interior design without impacting on readability.
Bear in mind, however, that your chosen trim size will affect the number of words you or your designer fits on a page and therefore the page count, which in turn will affect printing costs.
It’s therefore worth experimenting with different trim sizes and interior designs if you’re going down the print-on-demand route.
There’ll be an optimal design that offers the desired aesthetic for your budget. Approximate calculations are available via the KDP print cost calculator.
If you’re printing in bulk with your own printer, there might be economies of scale on offer for larger print runs. Talk to the supplier and your formatter about how to keep costs down by tweaking the interior design without impacting on readability.
Economics: Editing costs
Generally, the more words in a book, the more each stage of editing will cost. Line editing 80K words will take perhaps a week longer than line editing 50K words.
If you’re working with a pro editor, remember to factor your word count into your chosen editor’s fee structure.
If you’re working with a pro editor, remember to factor your word count into your chosen editor’s fee structure.
Expectations: Audience sweet spots
Readers have expectations. Back when my child was four, I expected the picture books I read for them to be shorter than the thrillers I read to myself.
And I don’t mind digging into 100K words or so for Baldacci because his books are quite detailed. Sue Grafton’s Alphabet mystery series has a different feel to it and I’ve come to expect a quicker read – around the 55–75K-word mark.
And if you're self-publishing, consider this from the IngramSpark blog: ‘With less time available for reading, it makes sense that readers want to get to the last page quicker. The trend for the past few years has been to publish books with less than 200 pages on average, or around 50,000 words’ (Self-publishing Trends 2018–2019).
And I don’t mind digging into 100K words or so for Baldacci because his books are quite detailed. Sue Grafton’s Alphabet mystery series has a different feel to it and I’ve come to expect a quicker read – around the 55–75K-word mark.
And if you're self-publishing, consider this from the IngramSpark blog: ‘With less time available for reading, it makes sense that readers want to get to the last page quicker. The trend for the past few years has been to publish books with less than 200 pages on average, or around 50,000 words’ (Self-publishing Trends 2018–2019).
Expectations: Agents and publishers
Agents want to sell books to publishers, and publishers want to sell books to readers.
Hitting an industry-standard isn’t about word count in itself. It’s about ensuring that the story is told with enough words, and only enough words so that readers are engaged.
Paying attention to word-count conventions reduces an author’s chances of ending up in a slush pile because there aren't red flags indicating overwriting if the novel is huge, and undeveloped story if the book's shorter than standard.
Hitting an industry-standard isn’t about word count in itself. It’s about ensuring that the story is told with enough words, and only enough words so that readers are engaged.
Paying attention to word-count conventions reduces an author’s chances of ending up in a slush pile because there aren't red flags indicating overwriting if the novel is huge, and undeveloped story if the book's shorter than standard.
Why word counts help authors focus on quality
If you’re self-publishing, you’re in control. You might decide your thriller needs to be 130K words. If every word drives the story forward and holds the reader’s attention, great.
When the book's too long
If, however, 20K words are cluttering adverbs and adverbial phrases that could be removed or replaced with stronger verbs, the novel’s length isn’t serving the reader.
Or perhaps there are 30K words of laboured stage direction – detail that describes every mundane movement a character makes to remove themselves from a car, climb a flight of stairs, or move from one room to another. Often, nudges that enable the reader to make sense of space and place are enough.
Readers don’t count words, but they will start skimming over them if the prose isn’t tight. And so even if your first draft has X,000 words, use the revision stage to consider what needs to be removed or tweaked.
When the book's too short
If your novel’s word count is substantially lower than industry conventions, consider what might be missing. There could be structural issues such as a too predictable plot, undeveloped character arcs, or too few obstacles.
There could also be opportunities to show rather than tell a scene so that the narrative distance decreases and the reader is drawn deeper into character experience.
When the book's too long
If, however, 20K words are cluttering adverbs and adverbial phrases that could be removed or replaced with stronger verbs, the novel’s length isn’t serving the reader.
Or perhaps there are 30K words of laboured stage direction – detail that describes every mundane movement a character makes to remove themselves from a car, climb a flight of stairs, or move from one room to another. Often, nudges that enable the reader to make sense of space and place are enough.
Readers don’t count words, but they will start skimming over them if the prose isn’t tight. And so even if your first draft has X,000 words, use the revision stage to consider what needs to be removed or tweaked.
When the book's too short
If your novel’s word count is substantially lower than industry conventions, consider what might be missing. There could be structural issues such as a too predictable plot, undeveloped character arcs, or too few obstacles.
There could also be opportunities to show rather than tell a scene so that the narrative distance decreases and the reader is drawn deeper into character experience.
The difference between word count and page count
When it comes to novel length, bear in mind that page counts are affected by design (e.g. trim size, margin size, font size, layout) whereas word counts are determined by story alone.
Pro formatters can adjust the page count of a printed book by tweaking the design, though there are limitations.
No reader will be convinced that they’re holding an 80K-work crime novel just because 50K words are set in a Times New Roman 18.
On the other hand, if you’ve written 100K words aimed at the middle-grade market (8–12 years), you’d be wise to reduce the word count considerably rather than asking your designer to make your book look shorter by squeezing more words on each page!
Furthermore, when it comes to ebooks, there’s no such thing as a standard page because the reader controls how much text appears on the screen. Ebooks lengths are therefore measured in kilobytes (KB), not pages.
Pro formatters can adjust the page count of a printed book by tweaking the design, though there are limitations.
No reader will be convinced that they’re holding an 80K-work crime novel just because 50K words are set in a Times New Roman 18.
On the other hand, if you’ve written 100K words aimed at the middle-grade market (8–12 years), you’d be wise to reduce the word count considerably rather than asking your designer to make your book look shorter by squeezing more words on each page!
Furthermore, when it comes to ebooks, there’s no such thing as a standard page because the reader controls how much text appears on the screen. Ebooks lengths are therefore measured in kilobytes (KB), not pages.
Summing up
It’s a cliché but a good story is as long as it needs to be. Longer novels shouldn’t be longer because they haven’t been edited, and shorter novels shouldn’t be shorter because the story is insufficiently fleshed out.
Pay attention to word counts as part of an evaluation process that ensures the words that need to be on the page are on the page, and those that needn’t be there are removed. That way, your story will be in the best shape for your readers.
Pay attention to word counts as part of an evaluation process that ensures the words that need to be on the page are on the page, and those that needn’t be there are removed. That way, your story will be in the best shape for your readers.
Related resources for authors
- Author resources library
- Blog post: 6 ways to improve your novel right now
- Blog post and video: Crime fiction subgenres: Where does your novel fit?
- Book: Editing Fiction at Sentence Level
- Blog post: Playing with sentence length in crime fiction. Is it time to trim the fat?
- Book: Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’
- Blog post: Unveiling your characters: Physical description with style
- Blog post: Using adverbs in fiction writing
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
‘Show, don’t tell’ isn’t just a writing technique. It’s a principle that works for editorial business marketing too!
Visit the Branding page in my resource library to download this free booklet.
Visit the Branding page in my resource library to download this free booklet.
More marketing resources for editors and proofreaders
If marketing's your Achilles' heel, take a look at the following resources:
- 3 ways to make your editing and proofreading website better – fast! (blog)
- Branding for Business Growth (multimedia course)
- Editor Website Essentials (multimedia course)
- How to do Content Marketing (book)
- Marketing Your Editing and Proofreading Business (book)
- Marketing resource library (books, booklets and blogs and podcasts)
- Overcoming marketing paralysis: How to turn overwhelm into action (blog and booklet)
This outline of the proofreading, copyediting and line-editing process is one way of organizing your editorial workflow rather than bowling straight into a project.
What follows is my process – the steps I take and the order in which I take them. That doesn’t mean it’s THE process! You might prefer to organize yourself differently.
Editorial business parameters
My business model might look very different to yours. Here’s what you need to know about me when considering the process I outline below.
- I work on raw-text files in Microsoft Word.
- I work directly with crime fiction, thriller and mystery writers. I might be the only editorial person the author’s worked with.
- I work only on fiction so my editing projects are straight text.
- Most of my projects require line editing rather than proofreading.
- Even when hired to proofread, I tend to work on raw-text files rather than designed PDF or hardcopy page proofs.
- Unless otherwise agreed (and billed for), a project involves a single pass.
Proofreading designed page proofs
I no longer work on designed page proofs (PDF or hardcopy), but at the point in my career when I did, I used the checklist below.
Step 1. Project legalities
I carry out the project legalities as soon as the author and I have agreed to work together and decided on the project's time frame.
This part of the process protects me and my client, and ensures we have a mutual understanding of the project’s terms and conditions.
This part of the process protects me and my client, and ensures we have a mutual understanding of the project’s terms and conditions.
Step 2. File checking and organization
This work takes place as soon as the book file arrives. The checks ensure I can find the material, and that it’s usable when it’s time for the edit to begin.
WHAT I DO
- Create a project folder
- Check the book file can be opened and is readable
- Check the page count to confirm that all the content is available
- Save a copy of the project file with a unique name, eg Smith-LH-Edit-020421-v1
- Place the original and the copy in the project folder
Step 3. Template creation
This part of the process helps me get organized. I do it before the edit begins.
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WHAT I DO
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Step 4. Technical setup
Next up is some technical setup related to Microsoft Word.
WHAT I DO
- Open the book file and make sure Track Changes is switched on
- Check that the VisibleTrackOff macro is functioning. This ensures I never forget I’ve switched off Track Changes temporarily
- Open Word’s Set Proofing Language function to ensure it’s recognizing the appropriate version of English
- Uncheck the ‘Do not check spelling or grammar’ box
Step 5. Styles
Now it’s time to assess the book file’s styling. Even though an interior formatter might work on the design at a later stage, I want to ensure that the different elements are formatted consistently.
Word’s styles palette is the tool of choice. If I decide to make changes, I can amend the style rather than trawling through the entire book file line by line.
Word’s styles palette is the tool of choice. If I decide to make changes, I can amend the style rather than trawling through the entire book file line by line.
If I’m line editing, the author might have done some or all of this work. If I’m proofreading, another editor might have done it.
After I’ve set up the styles, I apply them to the book file.
Step 6. Chapter sequence check
Now that my chapter headings are styled, I can locate them in Word’s navigation pane and ensure the numbering is correct.
It’s not uncommon for authors to shift chapters around, and that’s where problems slip in.
It’s not uncommon for authors to shift chapters around, and that’s where problems slip in.
WHAT I CHECK
- That the chapters are sequenced correctly
- That there are no chapters with the same number
- That there are no missing chapter numbers
- That the headings, subheadings and first-paragraph indents are styled properly
Step 7. Front-matter check
I like to cast my eye over the front matter separately from the main edit.
The most exciting part of the project for me is the edit itself, so doing mundane but critical technical checks separately ensures my eye’s on the ball and I'm not making assumptions.
The most exciting part of the project for me is the edit itself, so doing mundane but critical technical checks separately ensures my eye’s on the ball and I'm not making assumptions.
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WHAT I TYPICALLY CHECK
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Step 8. Macro run and style-sheet build
Next, I run a selection of pre-edit macros.
Editors use all sorts of different software and tools to complement their eye depending on the issues they need to check, the material they’re working on, and their clients’ needs.
The macros I've listed below are not what you must use; they’re just my preferences.
Editors use all sorts of different software and tools to complement their eye depending on the issues they need to check, the material they’re working on, and their clients’ needs.
The macros I've listed below are not what you must use; they’re just my preferences.
I use what I learn to start filling in the project’s style sheet.
At this stage I’m making early decisions about spelling, hyphenation, capitalization and proper noun usage, and noting any red flags.
RED FLAGS INCLUDE
- Inconsistent character names
- Characters with similar or the same names
- Inconsistent spelling of place names
- Language that’s prejudicial or misrepresentational
Even if I locate problematic language, I’ll not make any decisions about what needs to be done until the contextual edit begins and I can review it within the wider story arc. At this point, I'll just highlight.
I’ll also record initial observations that are key to the line edit.
INITIAL OBSERVATIONS
- Narration style (e.g. first or third person)
- The novel’s base tense (eg past, present)
- The author’s preferences (expressed via the Author Preferences form or email)
Step 9. The edit
Now it’s time to begin editing. This is the fun bit, what I've been hired for! It's the non-technical part of the job but the most time-consuming.
I work through the book file line by line and edit according to the agreed scope of the project.
I work through the book file line by line and edit according to the agreed scope of the project.
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WHAT I DO
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Step 10. The part-way PerfectIt check
One third of the way through the line edit, I run PerfectIt again.
That’s because I’ll have made many new style choices that affect, for example, spelling, capitalization and hyphenation, ones that I didn’t pick up during my pre-edit macro run.
That’s because I’ll have made many new style choices that affect, for example, spelling, capitalization and hyphenation, ones that I didn’t pick up during my pre-edit macro run.
BENEFITS
- A part-way PerfectIt check does the heavy lifting, allowing me to locate additional inconsistencies quickly.
- The more mundane technical work the software does, the fewer distractions for me while I’m editing for sense and sensibility.
Step 11. The technical tidy-up
When the edit is complete, I carry out another round of checks for layout, consistency, spelling and grammar – a final technical tidy-up to that ensures everything’s spit spot. A little Mary Poppins never hurt anyone!
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WHAT I DO
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Step 12. Style sheet check
Next, I review the style sheet to ensure that it’s fit for purpose.
Step 13. Create the editorial report
Now I create my editorial report. I use a detailed template that’s already populated with client-friendly summaries of the theory behind the edits (accessible via my course How to Write the Perfect Fiction Editorial Report).
WHAT THE REPORT INCLUDES
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Step 14. Delivery and invoicing
Finally, I prepare the files for my client. It's time to show them what I've done and why I've done it!
WHAT I INCLUDE
- The edited book file with all tracked changes and comments
- The edited book file with all changes accepted but comments still showing
- The edited book file with all tracked changes accepted and comments removed
- A PDF of the style sheet
- A PDF of the editorial report
After I’ve emailed the files, I issue an invoice for the outstanding fee. Some editors choose to send the files only after all monies have been paid. How you do it is for you to decide.
Wrapping up
So that's my way. I hope it'll help you streamline your process if you're unsure where to start.
Just bear this in mind: There's no one best way. We all work differently, and there are multiple ways to edit efficiently and productively.
Just bear this in mind: There's no one best way. We all work differently, and there are multiple ways to edit efficiently and productively.
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
Your editing website is your shop front. It’s the one online space you control – your land – and so it must work hard for you. Here are 3 things you can do quickly to make it function better.
In this post, I’ll show you 3 things you can do quickly to improve the way a visitor experiences every web page on your site. We’ll look at the following:
> Navigation buttons
> Paragraph headings
> Short paragraphs
> Navigation buttons
> Paragraph headings
> Short paragraphs
Navigation buttons
Being able to navigate a site is key to a good user experience. Buttons signal the delivery of a promise: learn this, go there, download that.
Imagine you’re in a huge, multi-storey department store. Buttons are like the floor plan near the escalator that tells you what’s where.
Make buttons consistent
Check that your buttons are a consistent colour. That way you’re training visitors to understand that there’s something at the end of the click.
A contrasting hover colour signals that the button is active, that it can be engaged with.
Help people find stuff!
Don’t assume your visitors know where to go, or that they’ll go where you want them to go.
Check every page on your website. Can you add buttons that will make your visitor’s journey easier and that tell them what you'd like them to do?
People are busy and might not have time to trawl through text. Buttons stand out, which means they’re scannable. Use them to help the visitor:
> Get to another page
> Get to another section on the same page
> Access a resource
> Get in touch with you
Include a meaningful call to action
A button that’s easy to spot is half the job done. The other half is about meaningful messaging. GO HERE, EMAIL ME, CLICK HERE, GET IN TOUCH aren’t always the best signals for a roving eye, particularly on longer pages with multiple purposes.
Experiment with calls to action that chime with the delivery of a promise I mentioned above. For example: TAKE ME TO THE LIBRARY, TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR SERVICES.
Imagine you’re in a huge, multi-storey department store. Buttons are like the floor plan near the escalator that tells you what’s where.
Make buttons consistent
Check that your buttons are a consistent colour. That way you’re training visitors to understand that there’s something at the end of the click.
A contrasting hover colour signals that the button is active, that it can be engaged with.
Help people find stuff!
Don’t assume your visitors know where to go, or that they’ll go where you want them to go.
Check every page on your website. Can you add buttons that will make your visitor’s journey easier and that tell them what you'd like them to do?
People are busy and might not have time to trawl through text. Buttons stand out, which means they’re scannable. Use them to help the visitor:
> Get to another page
> Get to another section on the same page
> Access a resource
> Get in touch with you
Include a meaningful call to action
A button that’s easy to spot is half the job done. The other half is about meaningful messaging. GO HERE, EMAIL ME, CLICK HERE, GET IN TOUCH aren’t always the best signals for a roving eye, particularly on longer pages with multiple purposes.
Experiment with calls to action that chime with the delivery of a promise I mentioned above. For example: TAKE ME TO THE LIBRARY, TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR SERVICES.
Paragraph headings
Let’s return to our department store. We’ve found the right floor. Now we need to locate the items. H2 headings are the signs hanging above each aisle that say: This is what you’ll find here.
H2 headings are superb visual indicators because they’re scannable.
Check every page on your website. If there are paragraphs that introduce new information but there’s no summary, add an H2 heading.
Make your headings relevant
Busy visitors who are scanning a web page for clues to how it can help them need indications that they’re in the right place.
Headings should be relevant to the text they’re sitting on top of. They should tell the reader exactly why it’s worth investing time in reading the paragraph.
Don’t assume your busy visitor has a sense of humour! A witty paragraph heading that doesn’t stand alone and explain what’s in the text below it is of no use. Boring trumps funny every day of the week!
Offer solutions or ask questions
To solve the boring problem, create headings that signal specific solutions or ask questions that are likely to match a visitor’s query.
Compare the heading The time frame with How long will editing take? The former requires the visitor to ask themselves: What time frame? The latter pre-empts the question.
Solutions and questions will bring the scanning to a halt. That’s where engagement begins. Now you’ve got their attention.
H2 headings are superb visual indicators because they’re scannable.
Check every page on your website. If there are paragraphs that introduce new information but there’s no summary, add an H2 heading.
Make your headings relevant
Busy visitors who are scanning a web page for clues to how it can help them need indications that they’re in the right place.
Headings should be relevant to the text they’re sitting on top of. They should tell the reader exactly why it’s worth investing time in reading the paragraph.
Don’t assume your busy visitor has a sense of humour! A witty paragraph heading that doesn’t stand alone and explain what’s in the text below it is of no use. Boring trumps funny every day of the week!
Offer solutions or ask questions
To solve the boring problem, create headings that signal specific solutions or ask questions that are likely to match a visitor’s query.
Compare the heading The time frame with How long will editing take? The former requires the visitor to ask themselves: What time frame? The latter pre-empts the question.
Solutions and questions will bring the scanning to a halt. That’s where engagement begins. Now you’ve got their attention.
Short paragraphs
Back to the department store. If the buttons are like the floor plan, and the headings are the aisle signs, then short paragraphs on our web pages are like neatly arranged shelves.
Visitors are more likely to engage with what’s on those shelves when there’s space between each item.
The alternative is rummaging. Busy people want to get their information fast. Short paragraphs help them do that. They’re also far more visually appealing.
Are people accessing your website via mobile?
If walls of text are off-putting on a desktop, they’re impenetrable on a phone.
Do you know how many of your website’s visitors are accessing your site via mobile devices? Google Analytics is free and will give you this information. I can tell you that a third of my visitors use a tablet or phone. A third!
I can also tell you that my mobile engagement has doubled in percentage terms since 2013. Offering a good user experience therefore means attending to mobile users' needs.
With that in mind, do all of your visitors a favour and break up text into visually digestible blocks of no more than 3–4 lines on each of your web pages. It’s one of the fastest and easiest design improvements to implement!
Visitors are more likely to engage with what’s on those shelves when there’s space between each item.
The alternative is rummaging. Busy people want to get their information fast. Short paragraphs help them do that. They’re also far more visually appealing.
Are people accessing your website via mobile?
If walls of text are off-putting on a desktop, they’re impenetrable on a phone.
Do you know how many of your website’s visitors are accessing your site via mobile devices? Google Analytics is free and will give you this information. I can tell you that a third of my visitors use a tablet or phone. A third!
I can also tell you that my mobile engagement has doubled in percentage terms since 2013. Offering a good user experience therefore means attending to mobile users' needs.
With that in mind, do all of your visitors a favour and break up text into visually digestible blocks of no more than 3–4 lines on each of your web pages. It’s one of the fastest and easiest design improvements to implement!
Summing up
Review the buttons, headings and paragraph length on every page of your website.
Each fix can be implemented in under 24 hours, and none require technical know-how.
More important is the impact on your visitors. The better their experience, the more they’re likely to stick around. That means you’re serving them and your business!
Each fix can be implemented in under 24 hours, and none require technical know-how.
More important is the impact on your visitors. The better their experience, the more they’re likely to stick around. That means you’re serving them and your business!
More resources
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Want oodles of tips on how to craft a website that clients love to visit and Google loves to rank? Check out Editor Website Essentials.
Its 10-step framework takes you through the essentials of SEO, navigation, structure, visitors, UX, branding, web page copy, home page design, content marketing, and analytics. |
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By the time you're done, you'll know how to build an effective web presence!
And take a look at these freebies:
> Library of resources for editors
> How to minimize cancellations and non-payment for editing services
> How to create an amazing portfolio
> 8 reasons to create a learning centre
And take a look at these freebies:
> Library of resources for editors
> How to minimize cancellations and non-payment for editing services
> How to create an amazing portfolio
> 8 reasons to create a learning centre
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
If engagement with your editing or proofreading blog is stagnant, spruce up your posts with these 4 fixes.
What’s covered
Here's what this post covers:
- Reason 1: You’re not solving problems – and the fix
- Reason 2: You’re not solving the right problems – and the fix
- Reason 3: Your relevance signals are poor – and the fix
- Reason 4: You’re not sharing your solutions – and the fix
- Why you might decide to stop writing blog posts
You’re not solving problems
Blog posts that offer solutions to problems are about the reader. Blog posts about your journey, your opinions, your experiences are about you.
It’s your blog and you can put on it whatever you want. Just bear in mind that problem-solving content will always do better in the long-term.
Here’s what I’ve typed into Google in the past two hours:
Those are all problem-based queries. I was searching for solutions. Do I read opinion and experience pieces? Sure, now and then if they’re written by people I know, trust, like and am interested in. But mostly I search for solutions to problems.
THE FIX
If you’re blog engagement is stagnant, take a look at the content and think about whether you can shift the focus away from yourself and onto your reader.
It’s your blog and you can put on it whatever you want. Just bear in mind that problem-solving content will always do better in the long-term.
Here’s what I’ve typed into Google in the past two hours:
- ‘What are the best power banks?’
- ‘Best wireless solar power banks for camping’
- ‘Why has ITVHub stopped working on my TV?’
- ‘How do I create shadows in Canva?’
Those are all problem-based queries. I was searching for solutions. Do I read opinion and experience pieces? Sure, now and then if they’re written by people I know, trust, like and am interested in. But mostly I search for solutions to problems.
THE FIX
If you’re blog engagement is stagnant, take a look at the content and think about whether you can shift the focus away from yourself and onto your reader.
You’re not solving the right problems
Perhaps you are solving problems but they’re not the ones your target audience is interested in.
For instance, you might have some articles that help new editors decide which training course to take, or which online networking groups to join, or which conferences to attend.
Those are great if you have training, coaching and business development products and services in your business portfolio because they help target readers get to know you and trust you. There’s even a little SEO juice in the editorial key words and phrases you’re using.
However, if ultimately you want to be found by, earn the trust of, and sell editing services to a a writing client, it’s their problems you need to solve.
THE FIX
Consider who you want to sell to. It is editing and proofreading services to clients? If so, make a list of the 20 problems you come across most often when you’re working on editorial projects.
The analysis of and solutions to those 20 problems are the basis for 20 blogs posts.
If the issues are complex, break your 20 posts into 40 or 60 smaller chunks. Niche topics are accessible to your readers, but also offer you a more manageable writing schedule.
Plus, while niche problems are less likely to be searched for, when they are searched for they’re more likely to be found because there's less competitive content.
For instance, you might have some articles that help new editors decide which training course to take, or which online networking groups to join, or which conferences to attend.
Those are great if you have training, coaching and business development products and services in your business portfolio because they help target readers get to know you and trust you. There’s even a little SEO juice in the editorial key words and phrases you’re using.
However, if ultimately you want to be found by, earn the trust of, and sell editing services to a a writing client, it’s their problems you need to solve.
THE FIX
Consider who you want to sell to. It is editing and proofreading services to clients? If so, make a list of the 20 problems you come across most often when you’re working on editorial projects.
The analysis of and solutions to those 20 problems are the basis for 20 blogs posts.
If the issues are complex, break your 20 posts into 40 or 60 smaller chunks. Niche topics are accessible to your readers, but also offer you a more manageable writing schedule.
Plus, while niche problems are less likely to be searched for, when they are searched for they’re more likely to be found because there's less competitive content.
You’re solving the right problems but not signalling why your post is relevant
If you’re solving niche problems for your ideal reader, but your posts aren’t ranking, take a look at your signalling.
Google has no sense of humour – funny titles and headings without key words and phrases that tell the search engines how your post is relevant to a typed query will be invisible.
As for people, they’re are busy. They’re not so different to the search engines in that they scan for relevance too – either in the search engine results to their query or on your actual post if they’ve clicked through.
A boring title that tells the reader exactly how you’ll help them will trump a funny but mysterious one every day of the week.
THE FIX
Check your H1 titles and H2 paragraph headings. Do they contain relevant key words and phrases? These enable the search engines to identify relevance.
Give people scannable H1 and H2 headings that tell them what’s on offer in the paragraphs that follow. If you can combine being witty with being informative, fair play to you. If you have to choose, go for informative!
Google has no sense of humour – funny titles and headings without key words and phrases that tell the search engines how your post is relevant to a typed query will be invisible.
As for people, they’re are busy. They’re not so different to the search engines in that they scan for relevance too – either in the search engine results to their query or on your actual post if they’ve clicked through.
A boring title that tells the reader exactly how you’ll help them will trump a funny but mysterious one every day of the week.
THE FIX
Check your H1 titles and H2 paragraph headings. Do they contain relevant key words and phrases? These enable the search engines to identify relevance.
Give people scannable H1 and H2 headings that tell them what’s on offer in the paragraphs that follow. If you can combine being witty with being informative, fair play to you. If you have to choose, go for informative!
You’re solving the right problems but not sharing your solutions
Readers love solutions. But to love them they have to know they exist.
Well-crafted blogs that solve niche problems for your target audience and are findable in the search engines require that we invest time in our blog, that we commit to it, particularly while we’re building our bank of content.
It can take a while to build a bank with enough niche solutions to attract those perfect clients, and a while longer to build enough trust so that they’re not just reading your stuff but hiring your services.
And until your blog posts are visible, they’re not working for you.
THE FIX
There’s no reason why we have to sit back and wait for visitors to find us. Share your blog content, and share it regularly.
If you have 20 blog posts already, and the solutions you’ve offered in them are still relevant, they’re ‘evergreen’.
Don’t assume that just because you’ve publicized them once on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn, you can’t publicize them again.
Maybe person X didn’t read your post when you first published it. Maybe they did but forgot about it and would enjoy a refresher. Perhaps they won’t read it again but remember thinking it was useful, so they retweet it or share it. Person Y sees it for the first time and – ta-da! – you have a new reader.
Well-crafted blogs that solve niche problems for your target audience and are findable in the search engines require that we invest time in our blog, that we commit to it, particularly while we’re building our bank of content.
It can take a while to build a bank with enough niche solutions to attract those perfect clients, and a while longer to build enough trust so that they’re not just reading your stuff but hiring your services.
And until your blog posts are visible, they’re not working for you.
THE FIX
There’s no reason why we have to sit back and wait for visitors to find us. Share your blog content, and share it regularly.
If you have 20 blog posts already, and the solutions you’ve offered in them are still relevant, they’re ‘evergreen’.
Don’t assume that just because you’ve publicized them once on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn, you can’t publicize them again.
Maybe person X didn’t read your post when you first published it. Maybe they did but forgot about it and would enjoy a refresher. Perhaps they won’t read it again but remember thinking it was useful, so they retweet it or share it. Person Y sees it for the first time and – ta-da! – you have a new reader.
Why you might decide to stop writing blog posts
If you don’t want to blog, don’t blog! It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and it’s certainly not the only way of getting attention. But frame your decision logically.
Perhaps you don’t want to make time for it, or you don’t enjoy it, or you’d prefer to explore different marketing approaches. All of those are informed and acceptable reasons not to start blogging, or to park your blog.
But don’t make the decision on the grounds that it makes no difference to how people are engaging with your website. Millions of bloggers from within the editorial community and far beyond know different!
If publishing new blog posts doesn’t increase traffic to and engagement with your editing website, that’s not a signal that your blog posts make no difference. It’s a signal that your posts are either invisible or uninteresting. Both are fixable.
Perhaps you don’t want to make time for it, or you don’t enjoy it, or you’d prefer to explore different marketing approaches. All of those are informed and acceptable reasons not to start blogging, or to park your blog.
But don’t make the decision on the grounds that it makes no difference to how people are engaging with your website. Millions of bloggers from within the editorial community and far beyond know different!
If publishing new blog posts doesn’t increase traffic to and engagement with your editing website, that’s not a signal that your blog posts make no difference. It’s a signal that your posts are either invisible or uninteresting. Both are fixable.
Wrapping up
An editing or proofreading blog can be a powerful tool that drives people to our websites, shows them what we’re interested in and what we know about, and helps them trust us. Those who trust us are more likely to buy from us.
Effective blog posts – ones that generate long-term traffic and engagement – solve problems, have relevant and scannable titles and headings, and are visible beyond the search engines because we’ve shared them with our audiences.
If your blogging isn’t working, fix the process before blaming the methodology!
Effective blog posts – ones that generate long-term traffic and engagement – solve problems, have relevant and scannable titles and headings, and are visible beyond the search engines because we’ve shared them with our audiences.
If your blogging isn’t working, fix the process before blaming the methodology!
More resources
- Article: Does my blog content have to be original?
- Editor resources library
- Article: How to save time by repurposing content
- Book: Marketing Your Editing and Proofreading Business
- Online training: Blogging for Business Growth
- Online training: Editing Website Essentials
- Online training: Social Media for Business Growth
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
> Learn: Books and courses
> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
> Get in touch: Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
> Connect: Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, Facebook and LinkedIn
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> Discover: Resources for authors and editors
You’re writing in third-person and your viewpoint character has become unconscious. However, you want the reader to understand how their discovery and recovery come about, and without head-hopping. Here are 5 ideas for how to tackle it.
What’s covered in this post
Start at the top if you’re new to viewpoint, or jump straight to the solutions if you’ve already nailed it but are wondering what to do about your oblivious point-of-view character.
> Protagonists versus viewpoint characters
> Why an unconscious character can’t be a POV character
> Head-hopping, narration style and number of POV characters
> The setup – a fictive piece of fiction!
> Solution 1: Create a new section or chapter with a new POV character
> Solution 2: Create a new section or chapter and switch narration style
> Solution 3: Unveil through dialogue
> Solution 4: Unveil through data
> Solution 5: Use emotional reflection
> Protagonists versus viewpoint characters
> Why an unconscious character can’t be a POV character
> Head-hopping, narration style and number of POV characters
> The setup – a fictive piece of fiction!
> Solution 1: Create a new section or chapter with a new POV character
> Solution 2: Create a new section or chapter and switch narration style
> Solution 3: Unveil through dialogue
> Solution 4: Unveil through data
> Solution 5: Use emotional reflection
Protagonists versus viewpoint characters
The protagonist is the person whose experiences drive the story. The novel revolves around them. Readers are usually more connected to them and their outcome within the story than any other character.
The POV character is the person whose internal experiences drive a scene or chapter.
While your protagonist might often be the POV character, one role doesn’t always equal the other. A POV character can also be an antagonist, a major character, or a bystander who makes but one appearance.
Your protagonist, however, is always your protagonist, whether they’re in a scene, doing something else somewhere else, or lying in a coma on the beach.
- It’s their choices and motivations that affect the direction of the story.
- It’s they who are thwarted by obstacles.
- It’s they who we root for as they attempt to find resolution.
The POV character is the person whose internal experiences drive a scene or chapter.
- Through them we access the detail of a scene.
- It’s through their lens that we perceive what’s going on in the moment – what they see, hear, believe, feel and report.
While your protagonist might often be the POV character, one role doesn’t always equal the other. A POV character can also be an antagonist, a major character, or a bystander who makes but one appearance.
Your protagonist, however, is always your protagonist, whether they’re in a scene, doing something else somewhere else, or lying in a coma on the beach.
Why an unconscious character can’t be a POV character
Perhaps your POV character has had an accident, become ill, been knocked out, or drugged. Perhaps they’ve drunk or drugged themselves into unconsciousness.
As long as they’re unconscious, they don’t know what’s happening. Which means the reader doesn’t either. Their oblivion is ours. And at that point they’re no longer a viewpoint character. They can’t be; they’re busy being unconscious.
However, just because they’re out for the count doesn’t mean the story is. Action is still taking place in the form of physical movement, dialogue, and the passing of time.
If authors need to tell the reader what happens to the unconscious character during their period of absence, it needs to be done in a way that makes sense.
If a character regains awareness, becomes the POV character and reports what happened to them during time out, they need a way to access that information. Otherwise, someone else will report that information, and a new POV character comes into play.
As long as they’re unconscious, they don’t know what’s happening. Which means the reader doesn’t either. Their oblivion is ours. And at that point they’re no longer a viewpoint character. They can’t be; they’re busy being unconscious.
However, just because they’re out for the count doesn’t mean the story is. Action is still taking place in the form of physical movement, dialogue, and the passing of time.
If authors need to tell the reader what happens to the unconscious character during their period of absence, it needs to be done in a way that makes sense.
If a character regains awareness, becomes the POV character and reports what happened to them during time out, they need a way to access that information. Otherwise, someone else will report that information, and a new POV character comes into play.
Head-hopping, narration style and number of POV characters
What is head-hopping?
When readers are forced to jump from one character’s thoughts and experiences to another’s in a single scene, head-hopping is in play.
Head-hopping is convenient because it lets readers know what everyone in a scene is thinking and feeling all at once. That convenience is usually a problem in commercial fiction because it rips out the suspense.
Rather than readers getting in the heads of everyone, they engage with and invest in no one because they are never in one place long enough to do so.
What is third-person limited POV?
Third-person limits readers to a single character’s experience – what they see, hear, feel and think. Readers get to sit in their skin; it’s as if we’re them.
In that sense, it’s not unlike first-person narration, another in-skin POV. The difference is the pronouns – he/she/they/it for third person; I/we for first person.
The difference lies in the narrative distance – how close the reader feels to the character. With third person, the distance is wider because those pronouns are a constant reminder that the character is someone else. With first person, the ‘I’ personalizes the experience more deeply because we’re reading the same language we’d use if we were talking about ourselves.
Third person is a narration style that most writers find easy to master at the beginning of their journey, and is popular with writers and readers of commercial fiction.
How many viewpoint characters can a novel have?
A novel can have multiple viewpoint characters sharing their experiences through various narration styles such as first person (I) and third-person limited (she, he, they).
However, it’s conventional in commercial fiction for each POV character to tell their story in distinct chapters or sections. Lumping multiple viewpoints into a single scene is often an indication of head-hopping.
When readers are forced to jump from one character’s thoughts and experiences to another’s in a single scene, head-hopping is in play.
Head-hopping is convenient because it lets readers know what everyone in a scene is thinking and feeling all at once. That convenience is usually a problem in commercial fiction because it rips out the suspense.
Rather than readers getting in the heads of everyone, they engage with and invest in no one because they are never in one place long enough to do so.
What is third-person limited POV?
Third-person limits readers to a single character’s experience – what they see, hear, feel and think. Readers get to sit in their skin; it’s as if we’re them.
In that sense, it’s not unlike first-person narration, another in-skin POV. The difference is the pronouns – he/she/they/it for third person; I/we for first person.
The difference lies in the narrative distance – how close the reader feels to the character. With third person, the distance is wider because those pronouns are a constant reminder that the character is someone else. With first person, the ‘I’ personalizes the experience more deeply because we’re reading the same language we’d use if we were talking about ourselves.
Third person is a narration style that most writers find easy to master at the beginning of their journey, and is popular with writers and readers of commercial fiction.
How many viewpoint characters can a novel have?
A novel can have multiple viewpoint characters sharing their experiences through various narration styles such as first person (I) and third-person limited (she, he, they).
However, it’s conventional in commercial fiction for each POV character to tell their story in distinct chapters or sections. Lumping multiple viewpoints into a single scene is often an indication of head-hopping.
The setup – a fictive piece of fiction!
Let’s set up a scene. Our current viewpoint character is Alicia, a private investigator. She’s also the protagonist.
Alicia’s received a tip-off from an old contact that her targets are using a derelict office building on the edge of an industrial estate for nefarious purposes.
Early in the evening, she decides to snoop around. She scopes the place out and enters once she’s confident the coast is clear. Part way through her search, she feels a blow to the back of her head. Next thing she knows, the floor’s coming towards her face. That’s where the chapter ends.
Because I’m the writer, I know the following:
How much of this information I can convey without dropping viewpoint will depend on how many POV characters I have in the novel, which narration styles I feel confident using, and when I decide to reveal this information so that I maximize reader engagement.
Alicia’s received a tip-off from an old contact that her targets are using a derelict office building on the edge of an industrial estate for nefarious purposes.
Early in the evening, she decides to snoop around. She scopes the place out and enters once she’s confident the coast is clear. Part way through her search, she feels a blow to the back of her head. Next thing she knows, the floor’s coming towards her face. That’s where the chapter ends.
Because I’m the writer, I know the following:
- Alicia was bonked on the head with a frozen joint of beef by someone called Patty (who is one of the targets).
- Patty then legged it, taking with her the evidence of her group’s nefarious activities; she cooked up a roast, and ensured her weapon was eaten.
- Alicia survived. She was unconscious for 13 hours.
- Three kids snuck into the office building to share a spliff and found her.
- They called an ambulance.
- Police officers took statements from the kids, who, naturally, omitted the spliff from the story and said they were just hanging out listening to music and shooting the breeze.
How much of this information I can convey without dropping viewpoint will depend on how many POV characters I have in the novel, which narration styles I feel confident using, and when I decide to reveal this information so that I maximize reader engagement.
Solution 1: Create a new section or chapter with a new POV character
Creating a new section or chapter with a new viewpoint character is perhaps the easiest option if the novel has been structured such that it regularly switches between several characters’ experiences, each narrated in a first or third-person-limited style.
Let’s say it’s the first time Patty has entered the story but I plan to show the world through her eyes in future chapters and will deepen the reader’s engagement with her character in the process.
And so, for now, we can switch from Alicia’s POV after she’s hit the floor and give Patty a section or chapter that introduces her to the reader and shows us the world through her eyes. Here’s how that scene might play out.
And so, for now, we can switch from Alicia’s POV after she’s hit the floor and give Patty a section or chapter that introduces her to the reader and shows us the world through her eyes. Here’s how that scene might play out.
Gerry swings into the kitchen as Patty puts a leg of beef into the crockpot.
‘Dinner will be ready bang on 8 pm, darling,’ she says.
He grunts. Ungrateful pig. She chops vegetables and thinks about how damn weird today was.
The call on the way back from the supermarket from you-know-fucking-who. A possible security breach at the Wickers building. Like she didn’t already have enough on her plate. Her handling security? What did they expect? This is Norwich, not New York. Thank God for that leg of beef.
How she climbed the stairs and found that woman rifling through a filing cabinet containing all their Very Sensitive Information.
How the leg of beef – frozen solid – made a thwack as it connected with the back of the woman’s head, and the way she just flumped down. No resistance, no fight. All very not Jack Reacher.
How she checked the woman – still breathing. Good – then grabbed the paperwork and got the fuck out.
How she’s stepped over a line.
But most of all how this time next year she’ll have dished up a decree nisi rather than a roast for her arse of a husband and his prickless cronies.
‘Dinner will be ready bang on 8 pm, darling,’ she says.
He grunts. Ungrateful pig. She chops vegetables and thinks about how damn weird today was.
The call on the way back from the supermarket from you-know-fucking-who. A possible security breach at the Wickers building. Like she didn’t already have enough on her plate. Her handling security? What did they expect? This is Norwich, not New York. Thank God for that leg of beef.
How she climbed the stairs and found that woman rifling through a filing cabinet containing all their Very Sensitive Information.
How the leg of beef – frozen solid – made a thwack as it connected with the back of the woman’s head, and the way she just flumped down. No resistance, no fight. All very not Jack Reacher.
How she checked the woman – still breathing. Good – then grabbed the paperwork and got the fuck out.
How she’s stepped over a line.
But most of all how this time next year she’ll have dished up a decree nisi rather than a roast for her arse of a husband and his prickless cronies.
So now the reader knows what happened to Alicia but in a way that gives another viewpoint character the floor and opens the door to the reader’s journey with her.
There are questions too, because now we want to know more about Patty.
- Why would she go to those lengths to escape her marriage? What’s her husband done?
- What’s she gotten herself into and can she handle it?
- What’s her background? She does have a smidgeon of compassion but she’s ruthless and violent too.
A word of caution
Those questions will need to be answered eventually. If they’re not – if out of the blue, we’ve been granted intimacy with Patty for the purpose of explaining what happened to Alicia only never to revisit her – the reader will be left feeling that there’s unfinished business, and that they’ve been party to a literary tool of convenience.
That’s a contrivance and a manipulation, and will damage your story.
Solution 2: Create a new section or chapter and switch narration style
To avoid the convenience problem, you could adapt Solution 1 by pulling back and opting for an alternative narration style.
A third-person-objective narration could work. Here, the prose is flatter, more told. The reader focuses on what can be seen and heard, rather than being immersed in emotional context.
This style widens the narrative distance but allows you to tell the facts. And that might well suit the mood of your book now and then.
A third-person-objective narration could work. Here, the prose is flatter, more told. The reader focuses on what can be seen and heard, rather than being immersed in emotional context.
This style widens the narrative distance but allows you to tell the facts. And that might well suit the mood of your book now and then.
We learned a lot about Patty in Solution 1. But what if I decide that Patty is a character I don’t want to develop? In that case, the reader doesn’t need to know anything about her.
It might be discovered later that the perpetrator was called Patty, and that she’d got in with a bad crowd, or was a frozen-beef-joint-wielding walloper for hire, but that’s not the story. Patty will not make the grade as a POV character in the novel.
And so instead, I could place this new section or chapter after Alicia’s scoped out the building and started snooping, but remove her experiencing the blow to the head.
It might be discovered later that the perpetrator was called Patty, and that she’d got in with a bad crowd, or was a frozen-beef-joint-wielding walloper for hire, but that’s not the story. Patty will not make the grade as a POV character in the novel.
And so instead, I could place this new section or chapter after Alicia’s scoped out the building and started snooping, but remove her experiencing the blow to the head.
The call is brief. There’s a possible security breach at the Wickers building. The driver pulls up in front, takes a plastic bag from the back seat and enters the building. She listens. Hears the squeal of a rusty filing-cabinet drawer on the next floor up. Mounts the stairs, pulls a leg of beef from the bag and stuffs the plastic in her pocket. She enters a room.
A woman is by the filing cabinet, rifling through the contents, her back facing the door. The driver swings and the joint cracks against the back of the woman’s head. She flops forward. There’s a sickening thud as her head recoils on the concrete. The driver checks the leg of beef. In forty-five minutes, it’ll be in the crockpot. In four hours, it’ll be on the plate.
A woman is by the filing cabinet, rifling through the contents, her back facing the door. The driver swings and the joint cracks against the back of the woman’s head. She flops forward. There’s a sickening thud as her head recoils on the concrete. The driver checks the leg of beef. In forty-five minutes, it’ll be in the crockpot. In four hours, it’ll be on the plate.
It’s exposition without emotion, and told objectively. Now the reader knows what happened to Alicia, but it’s been narrated in a way that’s cold, clinical and anonymous. And that might very well serve your novel better than an emotional, limited narration that needs developing.
Solution 3: Unveil through dialogue
If your novel has only one viewpoint character, this solution will allow you to unveil what happened, and when, through a conversation.
Your POV character needs to have recovered sufficiently and be able to access the people who have that information and engage in dialogue with them or eavesdrop on a conversation they’re having.
They could be the police or security services, medical staff, an antagonist, the saviour – anyone who knows and can fill in the blanks.
It means the unveiling comes after the period of unconsciousness, which makes it an emotionally rich experience for the reader because we’re discovering what happened to the POV character at the same time as they are. We get to live their life with them in the moment.
Your POV character needs to have recovered sufficiently and be able to access the people who have that information and engage in dialogue with them or eavesdrop on a conversation they’re having.
They could be the police or security services, medical staff, an antagonist, the saviour – anyone who knows and can fill in the blanks.
It means the unveiling comes after the period of unconsciousness, which makes it an emotionally rich experience for the reader because we’re discovering what happened to the POV character at the same time as they are. We get to live their life with them in the moment.
Let’s imagine Alicia has recently regained consciousness again. She’s the POV character; we experience the world through her lens.
I want her to report her discovery of some of what happened to her and where she is. She’s ignorant of all the facts. Here’s how that might appear on the page.
I want her to report her discovery of some of what happened to her and where she is. She’s ignorant of all the facts. Here’s how that might appear on the page.
She turned her head to the side. Bad idea. It hurt like a bitch and made her want to throw up. She took a few breaths, lifted an arm: ID bracelet and an IV taped to her hand. To the right: railings and a handset with a call button. Ahead: a pale-blue curtain.
Hospital.
A nurse poked his head out around the curtain, then disappeared. A man pushed through, smiled and introduced himself. Detective Paul Brown. Big, warm eyes and a neat beard that mostly covered a purple birth mark.
‘How long have I been here?’ she said.
‘Since last night. Bunch of kids found you in the old Wickers building on the industrial estate at 8 pm. You were out cold.’ He smirked. ‘You were lucky. Said they went there just to hang out and listen to music but one of ’em stunk of weed. We’ll let it go … they called you in and stuck around. So what’s going on?’
‘I don’t know. I was … I was looking in the filing cabinet and there was this pain and … that’s it. I woke up here with my head feeling like it’s going to explode.‘
‘Not surprised after the clobbering you took.’
‘What’s—'
Brown waved a hand. ‘It’s okay. A concussion, but the docs say you’re doing fine. So come on, I’ve told you what I know. Your turn.’
Alicia decided to trust him.
Hospital.
A nurse poked his head out around the curtain, then disappeared. A man pushed through, smiled and introduced himself. Detective Paul Brown. Big, warm eyes and a neat beard that mostly covered a purple birth mark.
‘How long have I been here?’ she said.
‘Since last night. Bunch of kids found you in the old Wickers building on the industrial estate at 8 pm. You were out cold.’ He smirked. ‘You were lucky. Said they went there just to hang out and listen to music but one of ’em stunk of weed. We’ll let it go … they called you in and stuck around. So what’s going on?’
‘I don’t know. I was … I was looking in the filing cabinet and there was this pain and … that’s it. I woke up here with my head feeling like it’s going to explode.‘
‘Not surprised after the clobbering you took.’
‘What’s—'
Brown waved a hand. ‘It’s okay. A concussion, but the docs say you’re doing fine. So come on, I’ve told you what I know. Your turn.’
Alicia decided to trust him.
Now she knows what the police officer knows, and the reader knows too. And unveiling it like this avoids a mundane in-the-now narrative about a group of kids whom we’ll never meet again.
Solution 4: Unveil through data
Similar to Solution 3, the unveiling of what happened and when during the character’s unconsciousness is revealed later, but this time through files, documents, records, a diary, reports, messages or some other physical repository.
Again, they’ll need to be sufficiently recovered and have a mechanism for accessing this data.
As with the previous solution, the reader is drawn deeper into the POV character’s experience because we’re with them every step of the way on that journey of discovery.
Again, they’ll need to be sufficiently recovered and have a mechanism for accessing this data.
As with the previous solution, the reader is drawn deeper into the POV character’s experience because we’re with them every step of the way on that journey of discovery.
In this scenario, I want to reveal who knocked Alicia out and how – not just to the reader (as with Solutions 1 and 2) but to Alicia herself. Perhaps this happens much later in the book, once she’s much further on in her investigation.
Alicia flicked through the diary, skimming pages full of domestic fury. One word jumped out. WICKERS.
8 January
I stepped over a line today. Whacked someone. Just like that. Not whacked as in killed, mind you. I wouldn’t go that far. Well, I don’t think so! I was on my way back from the supermarket when the call came. You-know-fucking-who. Shocked me, it did – possible security breach. Like I don’t already have enough on my plate with HIM. I don’t get it. Of all of us, I’m hardly the best person to be handling security. What did they think I was going to do? This is Norwich, not New York. Thank God I’d picked up a leg of beef.
Anyway, I hear someone messing around on the upper floor so up I go, and there she is, this woman, rifling through a filing cabinet containing all our Very Sensitive Information. I didn’t think twice, that’s the thing. Just swung the meat at her. Frozen solid it was. It made a sort of thwack as it landed on the back of her head. And the way she just flumped down … no resistance, no fight. All very not Jack Reacher.
I checked her (I’m not a monster), and she was still breathing so that was good. Then I grabbed the paperwork and got the fuck out. I tell you, next year I’ll be dishing up a decree nisi not a roast for that arse of a husband and his prickles cronies. Still, I should be grateful. No evidence. They ate every morsel.
8 January
I stepped over a line today. Whacked someone. Just like that. Not whacked as in killed, mind you. I wouldn’t go that far. Well, I don’t think so! I was on my way back from the supermarket when the call came. You-know-fucking-who. Shocked me, it did – possible security breach. Like I don’t already have enough on my plate with HIM. I don’t get it. Of all of us, I’m hardly the best person to be handling security. What did they think I was going to do? This is Norwich, not New York. Thank God I’d picked up a leg of beef.
Anyway, I hear someone messing around on the upper floor so up I go, and there she is, this woman, rifling through a filing cabinet containing all our Very Sensitive Information. I didn’t think twice, that’s the thing. Just swung the meat at her. Frozen solid it was. It made a sort of thwack as it landed on the back of her head. And the way she just flumped down … no resistance, no fight. All very not Jack Reacher.
I checked her (I’m not a monster), and she was still breathing so that was good. Then I grabbed the paperwork and got the fuck out. I tell you, next year I’ll be dishing up a decree nisi not a roast for that arse of a husband and his prickles cronies. Still, I should be grateful. No evidence. They ate every morsel.
This solution allows us to access Patty’s voice – she speaks through the pages of her diary – but it’s our protagonist whose eyes we read through and whose head we’re in.
Solution 5: Use emotional reflection
A fifth option is to use emotional reflection. This contemplation approach might be more suitable if your character has time to reflect.
Perhaps they’re still in hospital or bed-bound or imprisoned and are thinking about what they’ve learned.
You might find it’s a good solution if you want to slow the pace and give the story some breathing room – space for a little recent backstory.
Perhaps they’re still in hospital or bed-bound or imprisoned and are thinking about what they’ve learned.
You might find it’s a good solution if you want to slow the pace and give the story some breathing room – space for a little recent backstory.
I still want the reader to discover how Alicia ended up in the hospital, but rather than have them experience the reveal with her, they’re late to the party; she’s had a chance to reflect on it.
She raised her head. Okaaay, not too bad. A couple of hours ago, it had hurt like a bitch just to open her eyes. She took a few breaths, lifted an arm and inspected the ID bracelet and IV taped to her hand. Pressed the call button on the railings.
A nurse poked her head around the pale-blue curtain, asked Alicia if she wanted anything.
She was parched, she said. The nurse poured her a glass of water, patted her arm, called her sweetheart. She had big, warm eyes, like the detective who’d come earlier. He’d smiled when he introduced himself, made her feel like she could trust him as he’d scratched a neat beard that mostly covered a purple birth mark.
He’d told her what he knew. That her head had taken a clobbering. A concussion, but she’d be okay. That she’d been in the hospital most of the night. Bunch of kids had found her in the old Wickers building around 8 pm. She’d been out cold. That she was lucky; the kids, all of them stinking of weed, could’ve legged it but they’d stuck around, called an ambulance, made sure she was safe. It made her teary. People could surprise you sometimes.
A nurse poked her head around the pale-blue curtain, asked Alicia if she wanted anything.
She was parched, she said. The nurse poured her a glass of water, patted her arm, called her sweetheart. She had big, warm eyes, like the detective who’d come earlier. He’d smiled when he introduced himself, made her feel like she could trust him as he’d scratched a neat beard that mostly covered a purple birth mark.
He’d told her what he knew. That her head had taken a clobbering. A concussion, but she’d be okay. That she’d been in the hospital most of the night. Bunch of kids had found her in the old Wickers building around 8 pm. She’d been out cold. That she was lucky; the kids, all of them stinking of weed, could’ve legged it but they’d stuck around, called an ambulance, made sure she was safe. It made her teary. People could surprise you sometimes.
We’ve still avoided in-the-now description about the movements of a group of kids we’ll never meet again. And our POV character has reported what happened between her hitting the floor and waking.
However, this time it’s revealed in a more introspective manner – background detail that’s framed within a deeper understanding of Alicia’s character, for example, sharing what she notices and the emotionality that her judgement is founded on.
Summing up
Just because your POV character is out of it doesn’t mean the story of what happened during that time can’t be unveiled while holding point of view.
Experiment with narration style and different time frames for the unveiling, and separate characters’ experiences by giving their scenes distinct sections or chapters.
And don't forget that your protagonist is always your protagonist, even if they're not the viewpoint character because they're unconscious.
Experiment with narration style and different time frames for the unveiling, and separate characters’ experiences by giving their scenes distinct sections or chapters.
And don't forget that your protagonist is always your protagonist, even if they're not the viewpoint character because they're unconscious.
Related reading
- Author resources library
- Editor resources library
- Editing Fiction at Sentence Level: A Guide for Beginner and Developing Writers
- How to show the emotions of non-viewpoint characters
- Making Sense of Point of View: Transform Your Fiction 1
- Making Sense of 'Show, Don't Tell': Transform Your Fiction 3
- What are expletives in the grammar of fiction?
- What is head-hopping, and is it spoiling your fiction writing?
- What’s the difference between a viewpoint character and a protagonist?
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
FIND OUT MORE