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The Editing Blog: for Editors, Proofreaders and Writers

FOR EDITORS, PROOFREADERS AND WRITERS

How to use semi-colons in fiction writing

10/6/2019

10 Comments

 
Semi-colons are disliked by some, misused by others, and avoided by many. If you want to keep them out of your writing, that’s fine. In this article, I show you how they work conventionally. That way, you can omit them because that’s your preference, not because you daren’t include them!
Semi-colons in fiction
Picture
What is a semi-colon?
It’s one of these: 

;


3 ways to use a semi-colon
There are 3 situations in which you’re likely to use a semi-colon in fiction:
  1. Parallelism: To separate two independent clauses that are related but equally weighted. In other words, one is not a consequence of or subordinate to the other.
  2. Clarity: To make a sentence that’s already subdivided by commas more readable. In this case, the semi-colon acts as a super-comma.
  3. Emojification: To create a winking emoji when placed before a closing round bracket. This might be useful if your fiction contains text messages. I’ve seen it done in YA fiction in the main.

Here, I focus on parallelism and clarity, but sentence pacing comes into play too – a useful addition to any fiction writer’s toolbox.
​
A little bit of grammar
Above, I mentioned independent clauses. An independent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and a predicate. In case you don’t know what they are – and many writers know how to write extremely well without knowing grammar terminology so there’s no shame in that – here’s an overview.

Subject
A subject is the thing in a sentence that’s doing something or being something. In the examples below, the subject is in bold.
  • The FBI agent climbed out of the SUV.
  • Detective Snooper was the bane of her life.
  • “Doesn’t the pathologist in that TV show ever change her shirt?”

If you’re not sure what the subject of your sentence is, try this trick: change the subject into a question that you can answer yes/no to, as in the examples below.
Did the FBI agent climb out of the SUV? ​
Yes, he did. He (the FBI agent) is the subject.
Was Detective Snooper the bane of her life?
Yes, he was. He (Detective Snooper) is the subject.
“Doesn’t the pathologist in that TV show ever change her shirt?”
“No, she doesn’t. She (the pathologist in that TV show) is the subject.
​Predicate
A predicate is the part of a sentence that contains a verb and that tells us something about what the subject’s doing or what they are.
​
In the examples below, the predicate is in bold.
  • The FBI agent climbed out of the SUV.
  • Detective Snooper was the bane of her life.
  • “Doesn’t the pathologist in that TV show ever change her shirt?”

If you’re not sure what the predicate is in a sentence that’s a question, turn it into a statement, as in the example below. The result might be clunky but it’ll show you what’s what. The subject is in bold and the predicate in italic.
“The pathologist in that TV show doesn’t ever change her shirt.”
Independent clauses
Quick recap: an independent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and a predicate. The subject is in bold, the predicate is in italic, and the full independent clause is in red.
  • The FBI agent climbed out of the SUV.
  • Detective Snooper was the bane of her life.
  • “Doesn’t the pathologist in that TV show ever change her shirt?” 

​Parallelism and the semi-colon
Take a look at these two independent clauses.

  • The FBI agent fell to the ground.
  • The gravel dug into her elbows.

The second sentence is related to the first because the gravel that’s digging into the agent’s elbows is what she experiences after falling to the ground. We can therefore use a semi-colon to indicate this relationship, if we wish.

  • The FBI agent fell to the ground; the gravel dug into her elbows.

Note that the first word of the clause after the semi-colon does not take an initial capital letter.

Could we use a colon?
A colon is non-standard because colons introduce additional/qualifying information about the first clause, not new information. Think of the information they introduce as subordinate, if it helps.

I recommend avoiding colons to join parts of a sentence that are equally weighted.
Non-standard – new information (AVOID)
The FBI agent fell to the ground: the gravel dug into her elbows.
Standard – qualifying information
The FBI agent fell onto something sharp: gravel.
Standard – qualifying information
The FBI agent pulled out her gun: a Glock.
Could we use a comma?
A comma is non-standard when joining two independent clauses. Sentences using commas in this way are said to contain comma splices.

​I recommend avoiding this usage.
Non-standard with comma (AVOID)
The FBI agent fell to the ground, the gravel dug into her elbows.
Standard with semi-colon
The FBI agent fell to the ground; the gravel dug into her elbows.
Standard with full point
The FBI agent fell to the ground. The gravel dug into her elbows.
Clarity and the semi-colon
Heavily punctuated sentences can be confusing and clunky. For the reader, it can mean limping through your prose rather than moving at a pace dictated by narrative intent.

​Take a look at this example from Mick Herron’s Dead Lions, p. 88. There are two semi-colons in the original version, but for this example I’m focusing only on the first (see the section in bold).
Original with semi-colon
He was bald, or mostly bald – a crop of white stubble gilded his ears – and gave off an air of pent-up energy, of emotions kept in check; the same sense Lamb had had watching the video of him, shot eighteen years ago, through a two-way mirror in one of Regent’s Park’s luxury suites. Joke. These were underground, and were where the Service’s more serious debriefings took place; those which it might later prove politic to deny had happened.
Picture
1. Amended with en dash
​
He was bald, or mostly bald – a crop of white stubble gilded his ears – and gave off an air of pent-up energy, of emotions kept in check – the same sense Lamb had had watching the video of him, shot eighteen years ago, through a two-way mirror in one of Regent’s Park’s luxury suites. Joke. These were underground, and were where the Service’s more serious debriefings took place; those which it might later prove politic to deny had happened.

2. Amended with comma
He was bald, or mostly bald – a crop of white stubble gilded his ears – and gave off an air of pent-up energy, of emotions kept in check, the same sense Lamb had had watching the video of him, shot eighteen years ago, through a two-way mirror in one of Regent’s Park’s luxury suites. Joke. These were underground, and were where the Service’s more serious debriefings took place; those which it might later prove politic to deny had happened.

​The en dash in the first alternative version looks awkward because we already have two parenthetical en dashes in play.

What happens if we introduce a comma instead? The sentence is already comma-heavy. All we’ve done is bring in yet another to muddy the waters.
​
The semi-colon works best. It effectively links the clauses it connects, but in a way that subdivides the sentence clearly.

​However, pacing comes into place here too. There’s more on pacing below but, for now, compare the original and the version amended with a comma. The creepy voyeurism is starker when set off by the semi-colon.

​More on pacing and the semi-colon
The semi-colon is harder than the comma. It lengthens the pause or increases the distance between two clauses that could have been linked with a comma, making them both stand out.

The semi-colon is softer than the full point. It shortens the pause or reduces the distance between two clauses that could have been linked with a full point, indicating a stronger, more intimate relationship.

Back to Herron for a closer look at the second semi-colon (see the section in bold) and some alternatives we could try:
Original 
He was bald, or mostly bald – a crop of white stubble gilded his ears – and gave off an air of pent-up energy, of emotions kept in check; the same sense Lamb had had watching the video of him, shot eighteen years ago, through a two-way mirror in one of Regent’s Park’s luxury suites. Joke. These were underground, and were where the Service’s more serious debriefings took place; those which it might later prove politic to deny had happened.
1. Amended with comma
He was bald, or mostly bald – a crop of white stubble gilded his ears – and gave off an air of pent-up energy, of emotions kept in check; the same sense Lamb had had watching the video of him, shot eighteen years ago, through a two-way mirror in one of Regent’s Park’s luxury suites. Joke. These were underground, and were where the Service’s more serious debriefings took place, those which it might later prove politic to deny had happened.

​In the original, the semi-colon acts as a super-comma, subdividing the whole sentence into two more readable chunks.

However, more marked is the impact on the pace. The semi-colon forces us to slow down. That’s important because the clause that comes after it is about the denial of interrogations. The semi-colon makes us pause a little longer, which makes the sinister information that follows stand out.

Semi-colons and dialogue
Some authors resist the use of semi-colons in dialogue, usually on the grounds that the reader can’t hear the punctuation. Does that mean you shouldn’t use them?

A novel’s dialogue isn’t real-life speech; it’s a representation of it. Speech, like narrative, has rhythm. The writer’s job is to create speech that’s clear and well paced. If a semi-colon helps you to do that, why wouldn’t you use it?

Here’s a great example from David Rosenfelt’s New Tricks, p. 316:
Original with semi-colon
“You can testify that you spoke to your father that night on Sykes’s phone, and you can say why you went to Mario’s. I can’t say those things in closing arguments; I can only talk about evidence already introduced.”

Amended with full point
“You can testify that you spoke to your father that night on Sykes’s phone, and you can say why you went to Mario’s. I can’t say those things in closing arguments. I can only talk about evidence already introduced.”
Picture

Both versions work but Rosenfelt elects to use a semi-colon because he wants to show the relationship between the two independent clauses. A full point would pull the clauses a little further apart and reduce the intimacy between them.

Should you use semi-colons in your fiction?
Some authors prefer to omit semi-colons for a variety of reasons: they're deemed pretentious, confusing, interruptive or ugly. But I’m not sure we should judge them so harshly:

  • They needn’t be pretentious. There’s nothing pompous about Herron and Rosenfelt’s writing. Both authors create compelling modern commercial fiction that keeps their readers on a page, and dying to turn it.
  • While not all readers understand the grammatical nuances of the semi-colon, few will be stopped in their tracks if you use it well.
  • Are they interruptive? Yes; if you use them too frequently; and your writing lurches; like a driver who’s too heavy on the brakes; too much of anything can grate. And; yes, if; you put them; in the wrong; place. Used purposefully, however, they can affect rhythm and bring clarity to a story.
  • As for ugly, well, that’s subjective. I think they’re just lovely!

Further reading and cited works
  • Dead Lions, Mick Herron, John Murray, 2013
  • Dialogue tags
  • How to punctuate dialogue
  • How to use adverbs
  • How to use apostrophes
  • More resources for indie authors
  • New Tricks, David Rosenfelt, Grand Central, 2009
  • Style sheet template
  • Using commas and conjunctions
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.

She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.

Visit her business website at Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader, say hello on Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, connect via Facebook and LinkedIn, and check out her books and courses.
10 Comments
Vivienne Sang link
21/6/2019 03:24:09 pm

I'm not too keen on them, myself. In at least one of the sentences above it could be replaced with 'and'. 'The FBI agent fell to the ground and the gravel dug into her elbows.'
What I would like is a post on when to use and en-dash, and when to use an em-dash. The cases above, where you use and en-dash, I'd use an em-dash.

Reply
Lindsey Russell
26/6/2019 12:47:12 am

Hope Louise doesn't mind me stepping in here but en and em dashes are used differently in the UK to the US (where the spacing around them is also different).

Reply
Louise Harnby
26/6/2019 12:57:59 pm

That's the convention, Lindsey, though not a rule. CMOS prefers unspaced ems but I have worked for US authors who for aesthetic reasons, and with an international audience in mind, chose spaced ens. I've even had some publisher clients request spaced ems because they felt the text looked better that way. But, yes, in the main, I'd agree with you!

I'll be sure to include that style/convention vs rules issue in my forthcoming post!

Louise Harnby
26/6/2019 12:54:43 pm

Hi, Vivienne. I edit for a lot of US clients and most prefer unspaced parenthetical em dashes instead of spaced en dashes (though not all), but I don't always include examples of each way of doing it for every post because I don't want to clutter the learning.

However, a separate post on ems and ens would be useful for a lot of readers so I'll put that on my to-do list.

As I'm sure you're aware, the em dash also has an end-of-line dialogue interruption function that's used conventionally in USEng and UKEng writing.

You're also right that conjunctions can be used instead of punctuation. It's all about preference and sentence flow! Just trying to show authors how to use the semi-colon correctly if they want to!

Thanks! (And watch out for that dashes post!)

Reply
Louise Harnby
17/7/2019 06:05:21 pm

I've created a blog post about dashes, Vivienne. I'm not publishing it until later this year but if you email me I'll send you a draft version now.

Reply
Lindsey Russell
21/6/2019 03:24:51 pm

Ugh! Hate the little blighters - mainly because I'm never quite sure what to do with them other than in a list. But also I'm guilty of being one of those who think they look ugly in fiction. WIP 90,000 words - number of ; 7. I prefer en dashes - though I probably overuse and misuse them.

I love the way you explain things clearly and with examples my dyslexic brain can grasp.

Reply
Louise Harnby
21/6/2019 03:33:42 pm

Thanks, Lindsey!

Nothing wrong with keeping them out. I don't mind an en dash myself!

Reply
Kat link
22/6/2019 10:40:21 am

I'm having a semi-colon revival in my writing. I never used to use them because for some reason they were omitted from the 1980s school curriculum in Australia. Actually, I think all but the most basic grammar and punctuation was omitted. I didn't realise there was much more than 'doing words' and 'things' until an archaeology professor at university shouted at me, 'Always keep your subject with your verb'. So I taught myself all the things I wasn't taught about punctuation and grammar. And I untaught myself some of the things I had been taught. Now I love semi-colons ;-).

Reply
Louise Harnby
22/6/2019 07:06:53 pm

Glad I'm not alone in my fandom, Kat!

Reply
Rekha link
12/5/2025 07:19:56 am


This blog on How to use semi-colons in fiction writing is super helpful! It explains parallelism and clarity clearly, making semi-colons less scary. A great resource for anyone refining their fiction writing skills with confidence and clarity.

Reply



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