Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader
  • Home
  • Resource library
  • Services
  • Courses
  • Books
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Training login
  • Contact
The Editing Blog: for Editors, Proofreaders and Writers

FOR EDITORS, PROOFREADERS AND WRITERS

How to write novels for readers, not viewers

26/11/2018

11 Comments

 
Novels and screenplays are two very different art forms. When a story is presented to a reader as if it were something being watched in a cinema or on TV, the book begins to wobble.
How to write novels for readers, not viewers
Picture
Great screenwriters can be great novelists, but being the former doesn’t guarantee the latter.

Description and dialogue
When a novelist approaches their story as if it’s going to be watched, the narrative and dialogue can become overwritten.

In TV shows and movies, characters do lots of quite mundane things – walking into and out of rooms, opening and shutting doors, scratching their heads, putting the kettle on, wringing their hands, frowning, standing up, sitting down, walking over to windows and gazing out of them, picking up tea cups or beer bottles and taking a sip or a slug.

They say hello and goodbye, and hmm, mmm, er, um and aah as they talk to each other and themselves.

All this stuff happens quickly and provides a backdrop to the main action and dialogue. Sometimes there’ll be a backing track to assist with mood creation.

Some of that mundane stuff can go into a novel, but when it’s replicated in full it can be tedious to read and does nothing to drive the novel forward.

Example: taut description and dialogue in a novel
Here’s a scene from Harlan Coben’s Don’t Let Go (Penguin Random House, 2017, p. 201). There are 122 words.
     We pull into a garage the approximate dimensions of a college gymnasium—is that judging?—and park. He leads me through a side door and down into what some homes call a basement, but this one has a theater room and wine cellar, so we need to find a new term. Lower level, maybe? He heads into a small room and flicks on a switch. In the back right corner, there is a four-foot-high old-fashioned safe with a big dial.
     “You’re not the cop on the case, right?”
     This is the third time David has asked me that. “No. Why is that a big deal?”
     He bends down and starts fiddling with the dial. “Hank asked me to hold something for him.”

Example: description and dialogue in a screenplay
If we were watching that on TV, we’d be shown a great deal more.​
  • We’d the see colour of the garage, the material it’s constructed from, the car pulling up and stopping.
  • The driver would switch off the engine, then both men would undo their seatbelts, exit the car, close their doors and walk to the garage. One would open the side door and they’d both walk through as the door closed behind them. Then they’d walk down the steps, reach the door of the basement and open it.
  • Once in the room, David would flick the light switch, walk over to the safe, bend down, move the dial, left, then right, then left again.
  • The camera might flip from the concentration on his face and the beads of sweat on his forehead to the way his trousers pull down over his backside as he bends.
  • We might watch and hear his laboured breathing or the slight grunt he lets out as he works.
  • He might scratch his face, touch his hair, purse his lips, or look up at the other man (Nap).
  • Nap, meanwhile, would be doing a bunch of things with his own body.
  • As for the conversation, either man might sigh, pause, stammer, belch or cough at any point, and at no time would it moderate the pace of the film because the camera can show us many of these things simultaneously.

In his book, Coben omits almost all of that.

Instead, he lets the reader do the work. Good choice because all that stage direction would be boring to read. It could take a page to get through it all, maybe two, and none of it would drive the novel forward.

He gives us just enough to imagine the setting in our mind’s eye, then gets down to business with the interesting elements of the story.

He and we know that no one’s walking through doors spectre-like; they need to be opened and shut. No one’s leaving the car running; the engine will be switched off. And natural speech invariably includes noise and pause.

Example: overwriting in a novel
Here’s my mangled example of how that might have looked if the detail of the screen version had been written into the novel. There are 421 words.
     We drive along the road, turn left into a treelined side street, pull up in front of a garage the approximate dimensions of a college gymnasium—is that judging?—and park. The garage door has a red aluminum facia with a silver handle.
     David pushes a hand through his hair and looks at the garage. He remains still for a moment. I sense his anxiety, and my brow furrows in frustration as I follow his gaze.
     He takes his foot off the accelerator, shifts into neutral, and pulls on the handbrake. He pulls the key from the ignition and unhooks his seatbelt. I follow suit and open the passenger-seat door, close it, then walk around to meet him on the driver’s side. David gets out of the car and joins me on the sidewalk. He slams his door shut and turns. We walk toward the garage, me slightly behind, letting him show me the way.
     He leads me to a brown hardwood side door and stoops, fumbling the key in the lock. The door opens with a groan and we walk through to a dimly lit stairway. The door closes behind us. David goes first, leading me down into what some homes call a basement, but this one has a theater room and wine cellar, so we need to find a new term. Lower level, maybe?
     We reach the door at the bottom of the steps. David opens it and heads into a small room. He flicks on a switch. The light comes on and he turns, gesturing for me to enter. I do, and look around. In the back right corner, there is a four-foot-high old-fashioned safe with a big dial.
     “Um, you’re, er, not the cop on the case, right?” he says nervously.
     This is the third time David has asked me that. “Like I told you before, no.” I hesitate before asking, “Why is that a big deal?”
     He turns and walks toward the safe, bends down, and reaches for the dial with his hand. I watch as he fiddles with it, concentrating hard as he moves it first left, then right, then left again. I see sweat beading on his forehead. He stands, stretches, and wipes it off with the sleeve of his blue button-down shirt. As he lowers himself again and continues working the dial, his pants ride down over his ass.
     ​He sighs as if he’s bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Hank asked me to hold something for him,” he says.

Word dump
Writers who choose to write novels for viewers rather than readers risk adding ten, maybe twenty thousand words to their books that don’t need to be in there.

I’m not advocating removing description; I’m advocating writing for the page. That means making sure that the description is relevant rather than suffocating, enriching rather than boring.

If you have pages of characters making small talk about how they take their coffee over the noise the kettle’s making, that small talk needs to be central to the plot. So does the whistle of the kettle. And if it takes 500 words to get your character out of their car, there needs to be a reason for that.

If that information is just filler, give your reader the nudges they need and dump the rest into a box for when you write the screenplay version. Your director will the delighted! 

Viewpoint characters
Viewpoint can unravel when a novelist approaches their story like a screenwriter.

When a novelist selects a viewpoint character for a section or chapter of their book, the reader will experience the story through that character’s perspective – what they see, smell, hear, touch and think.

Viewpoint characters allow the reader to immerse themselves in the moment, and for that reason they’re tremendously enriching.

Example: viewpoint on the screen 
Imagine watching this short scene on TV:
  1. One of the characters, Matt, ducks under a hedge. We see him grimacing, shutting his eyes tightly. Then the camera cuts to a close-up of the thorns in the hedge pressing into his head. Perhaps there’s a trickle of blood down one side of his neck.
  2. The camera stays with Matt and we see him mouth the word ‘bitch’.
  3. We hear the clip-clopping of heels, and the camera moves to a lone woman on a footpath in the garden – Adriana. She speaks into her phone, saying, ‘He can’t have gone far. Find him and take him out,’ then rubs her throat. She continues to talk, telling the person on the other end of the line that she’d had a skinful the previous night and is furious about Matt’s interference, which is all she needs because she feels like she has a cold coming on.
  4. The camera cuts to another character, John. He’s clad in black. We hear him reply to her, telling her not to worry, then watch as he peeks over a wall and sees Adriana.
  5. The view shifts to Adriana. She’s putting her phone in her pocket. Her expression is one of anger and frustration.
  6. We go back to John. He pulls down a balaclava and moves stealthily towards an area at the back of the house. He’s almost invisible in the darkness of the night but we see him in the shadows because the camera shows us where he is.
  7. Now it’s back to Matt. He’s still hunched up in the hedge, eyes wide, body still.
  8. The camera zooms out so that we can see Adriana moving ever closer to where Matt’s hiding. She’s getting nearer.
  9. The view moves in on Adriana. We see her flinch and purse her lips. She hobbles just a little, then bends to adjust her shoe. The camera view tilts down to her feet and we see the redness of the skin where it’s rubbing against her stilettos.
  10. The camera cuts to Matt, still in the hedge. But now he’s smiling, enjoying Adriana’s discomfort.
  11. Notice that the viewer can’t know what anyone’s thinking unless we are told through dialogue or facial expression. Gesturing will fill in the gaps. A soundtrack will also create mood.

Example: confused viewpoint in a novel
What some beginner writers do is render the scene in a way that partially mimics the screen version. That’s because they’re familiar with how stories are presented on the TV or in film.
     Matt ducked under the hedge beside the footpath. He counted silently, mouthing the words, focusing attention away from the hawthorn piercing the back of his neck and scalp. Heels clicked on the footpath close by. Adriana. Bitch.
     ‘He can’t have gone far. Find him and take him out,’ she said. Her throat felt swollen. 'Dammit, and to make things worse, I feel like I've got a cold coming on. Plus, I had a skinful last night.' And she’d needed it after that interfering prick Matt had started sticking his nose where it wasn’t wanted.
     ‘I hear you, Adriana. Don’t worry, we’ll find him,’ said John. He was standing by the north wall, clad head-to-toe in black. Hands grasping brick and flint, he hauled himself up and peeked over to see Adriana pocketing her phone. He pulled down his balaclava and stole south to cover the back, masked by the shadow of night.
     Adriana was on the phone, Matt realized. That was good. It meant she was on her own.
     Adriana continued down the path, getting closer to where Matt was hiding with every step. Patrolling the grounds in stilettos had been a bad idea. They were killing her feet.
​     Matt hoped so, after what she’d put him through.

The problem is that there are multiple viewpoints that force the reader to bounce from one character’s experience to another. We never invest in Matt, Adriana or John because as soon as we try to immerse ourselves in the experience of one of those people, we’re dragged into the head of another.

The result is a wonky hybrid of novel and screenplay. We know what everyone’s doing, thinking and seeing. It rips out the tension and destroys the structure of the scene.

Example: singular immersive viewpoint in a novel
If, however, the writer commits to the viewpoint of one character, the prose is very different. In this version, we lose John completely. Adriana is visible but only from Matt’s perspective. We don’t have access to her thoughts, only what Matt thinks might be going on in her head based on what he knows, sees and hears.
​
It’s shorter, certainly, but the tension is back and the writing is tighter.
     Matt ducked under the hedge beside the footpath. He counted silently, focusing attention away from the hawthorn piercing the back of his neck and scalp. Heels clicked on the footpath close by. Adriana. Bitch.
     
‘He can’t have gone far. Find him and take him out.’
     
Her voice was thick, like she was full of virus or hungover. Or maybe it was fury.
     Matt heard a reply – a man speaking – but the sound was muffled and tinny.
     She must be on the phone. That was good. She was on her own. For now.
     ​Patent-black stilettos passed no more than a metre in front of him. The skin below both Achilles looked swollen and red. Those shoes must be killing her, he thought. He hoped so, after what she’d put him through.

Summing up
If you’re at the start of your writing journey, take care to craft words for the page, not for the screen. Keep the boring stuff out, even if it’s realistic. You’ll reduce your wordcount but enhance reader engagement.
​
Look to books written by your favourite novelists for inspiration on how to build a beautiful page, rather than the Netflix adaptations. Your writing will be all the better for it, I promise.
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.

She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP), a member of ACES, a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi), and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.

Visit her business website at Louise Harnby | Fiction Editor & Proofreader, say hello on Twitter at @LouiseHarnby, connect via Facebook and LinkedIn, and check out her books and courses.
SIGN UP TO LOUISE'S BLOG
11 Comments
Jessi Rita Hoffman link
26/11/2018 03:02:51 pm

Great points about novel overwriting! However, it's not true that all those mundane details are appropriate to include in a movie script. Directors and actors add that sort of thing when the movie is actually filmed -- not the screenwriter! It's as anathema to screenwriting as it is to novel writing. I an optioned screenwriter and a developmental book editor. The rules of novel writing and screenwriting are more similar than you think.

Reply
Louise Harnby
26/11/2018 03:08:09 pm

Fair point, Jessi - I was placing the blame in the wrong place! I should have said: Write for the page, rather than visualizing like an actor. I certainly didn't intend for this to be a lesson in screenwriting, more a lesson in how not to approach a novel!

Reply
Louise Harnby
26/11/2018 03:09:30 pm

And I should add: I know absolutely zilch about screenwriting, so thanks for the heads-up!

MARIA T D'MARCO
27/11/2018 01:42:39 am

Great post, Louise -- and the point being (to me) that overwriting, whether as a novelist or script writer, is poor form. In novel writing, the reader's imagination needs little direction, just fertile ground to rollick about in. In script writing, we count on the director and actors to create vehicles that we can all vicariously ride along in.

I got your reasoning just fine, and though the comparison might have slightly missed your mark, it wasn't by much.
Overwriting can smother a novel. Cluttered direction or overacting can overload video story-telling.

I think your examples allow insight into a necessary awareness.

Reply
Louise Harnby
27/11/2018 10:14:57 am

Cheers! Yes, it does seem that I overworked the screenwriting angle! My aim was to steer the author away from cluttered writing that shows us every little thing that a viewer might see - not because the screenwriter wrote it like that - but because it's acted like that or appears like that visually on the screen. Viewers are given a lot to look at, and, of course, that doesn't mean that it was all screenwritten like that. I guess my point is that some authors are seeing a whole load of stuff on the screen and trying to mimic the effect, but on the page. And that needs to be avoided.

Reply
Lynda A Dietz link
2/12/2018 09:08:00 pm

I work with an author who overwrites. I'm forever removing things and trying to tell him that we don't need this kind of detail when it comes to the mundane: opening/closing doors, getting showered, saluting and/or putting others at ease while they salute, you name it. An otherwise interesting plot becomes instantly boring, and tedious to read through.

Reply
Louise Harnby
3/12/2018 11:18:53 am

That's great that you can bring so much value to the editing process for your author, Lynda!

Reply
Rosemary Okafor
28/7/2020 07:33:02 am

Oh thank you so much for this.

Reply
John link
24/9/2020 09:23:03 pm

An amazing article and and some proper tips are discussed regarding writing novels. To write a novel, read online pdf novels so that you can get some catchy ideas.

Reply
Pingpongbuzz link
20/11/2020 07:40:55 pm

Excellent!
the novel writing tips are really working. A person should me creative to do this.

Reply
Loria Smith link
18/1/2021 06:46:14 am

Really informative. I really enjoy the way she gives out tips and info without making her audience feel dumb or silly. Very appreciated

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    BLOG ALERTS

    If you'd like me to email you when a new blog post is available, sign up for blog alerts!
    Proofreading stamps
    ALERT ME!

    WHAT DO YOU NEED?

    • Training courses
    • ​Books and guides
    • Editor resources
    • Author resources
    • ​Monthly newsletter
    Picture
    SIGN ME UP

    PDF MARKUP

    Proofreading stamps

    AUTHOR RESOURCES

    Proofreading stamps

    EDITOR RESOURCES

    Proofreading stamps

    BOOKS FOR EDITORS AND WRITERS

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    MORE BOOKS

    TRAINING COURSES FOR EDITORS

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Blogging for Business Growth course
    MORE COURSES

    TESTIMONIALS


    Dare Rogers

    'Louise uses her expertise to hone a story until it's razor sharp, while still allowing the author’s voice to remain dominant.'

    Jeff Carson

    'I wholeheartedly recommend her services ... Just don’t hire her when I need her.'

    J B Turner

    'Sincere thanks for a beautiful and elegant piece of work. First class.'

    Ayshe Gemedzhy

    'What makes her stand out and shine is her ability to immerse herself in your story.'

    Salt Publishing

    'A million thanks – your mark-up is perfect, as always.'
    TESTIMONIALS

    CATEGORIES

    All
    Around The World
    Audio Books
    Author Chat
    Author Interviews
    Author Platform
    Author Resources
    Blogging
    Book Marketing
    Books
    Branding
    Business Tips
    Choosing An Editor
    Client Talk
    Conscious Language
    Core Editorial Skills
    Crime Writing
    Design And Layout
    Dialogue
    Editing
    Editorial Tips
    Editorial Tools
    Editors On The Blog
    Erotica
    Fiction
    Fiction Editing
    Freelancing
    Free Stuff
    Getting Noticed
    Getting Work
    Grammar Links
    Guest Writers
    Indexing
    Indie Authors
    Lean Writing
    Line Craft
    Link Of The Week
    Macro Chat
    Marketing Tips
    Money Talk
    Mood And Rhythm
    More Macros And Add Ins
    Networking
    Online Courses
    PDF Markup
    Podcasting
    POV
    Proofreading
    Proofreading Marks
    Publishing
    Punctuation
    Q&A With Louise
    Resources
    Roundups
    Self Editing
    Self Publishing Authors
    Sentence Editing
    Showing And Telling
    Software
    Stamps
    Starting Out
    Story Craft
    The Editing Podcast
    Training
    Types Of Editing
    Using Word
    Website Tips
    Work Choices
    Working Onscreen
    Working Smart
    Writer Resources
    Writing
    Writing Tips
    Writing Tools

    ARCHIVES

    March 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    June 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011

    RSS Feed

Alliance of Independent Authors
Picture
Picture
CIEP Advanced Professional Member
The Publishing Training Centre
INFO ABOUT ME
Privacy policy
Terms and conditions
Contact form
Code of practice
Qualifications
​Portfolio ​ 
​Bio page
Louise's fiction
About Louise
INFO FOR INDIE AUTHORS
Editorial services
Contact form
Can you expect perfection?
Books and guides
Transform Your Fiction series
Free resources
​
Order form for books
Testimonials
Self-editing book