Show, don't tell in fiction

In March 2021, I was invited by ALLi (the Alliance of Independent Authors) to be the guest on its weekly #IndieAuthorChat. The subject was ‘show, don’t tell’. Tim Lewis asked me 6 questions. Here are my answers.

Q1: Why is "Show Don't Tell" a good rule for writers?

A1.1: I prefer to see it as a useful guide rather than a rule! Def a place for both. Show = character experience related through action and sensory info. Tell = exposition; explaining. Show = nudges that allow the reader to do the work. Tell = on a plate!

A1.2: Too much telling can be flat, mundane. Showing can be more evocative and interesting – grounds experience in broader landscape. Eg ➡️ “The foxgloves’ long stems bend almost flat in the wind” shows the strength of the wind. “The wind is strong” tells it.

Q2: How can an author know if they are having the problem of showing too much as opposed to telling?

A2.1: Check whether shown prose does the following:
👉 interrupts action
👉 stops a reader getting to what they’re really interested in
👉 focuses the reader’s gaze on stuff that doesn’t drive story forward.

A2.2: Effective showing should be ⭐relevant⭐, and help readers imagine what’s hard to articulate with telling. But if it can be told well, tell it! Showing should nudge a reader’s imagination, not overwhelm their senses.

A2.3: Eg ➡️ “Two hours to kill before the debrief. She buys a sandwich and chews on stale bread and limp lettuce. The gravelly crust assaults her tongue and …” 🤢 I’ll stop! Unless the quality of lunch is key to the plot, showing is unnecessary and distracting. Ditch it.

Q3: Describe an example where a writer tells where showing would be a better idea.

A3.1: Rather than focusing the reader’s gaze inwards by telling *how* a POV char accesses info (eg saw, noticed, knew), consider recasting without the FILTER WORD so that readers focus outwards and are shown the *what*.

A3.2: Eg ➡️ “She saw an armed man leaping down the stairs two at a time.” > “An armed man leapt down the stairs two at a time.” The latter is more immediate but still immersive.

A3.3: Rather than telling of character INTENTION, showing character action could be more effective. Eg ➡️ “Ayesha reached up *to* switch on the light.” > “Ayesha reached up *and* switched on the light.”

A3.4: Descriptions that read like told SHOPPING LISTS can be boring. Instead, show by weaving into action/experience. Eg ➡️ (To Kill a Mockingbird) “Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning.” (not: “The men wore stiff collars.”)

Q4: Are there any cases where it is better to tell rather than show?

A4.1: CONSIDER SCENE: Eg ➡️ Faster-paced scenes where anything but an explanation would be interruptive. Writers and editors need to ask: Where should the focus be: internal and emotional, or external and explanatory?

A4.2: CONSIDER TIME: If there’s a scene shift and two hours have passed, or you want to tell the reader what time it is, go for it. Eg ➡️ “At one in the morning the call came in.” “Two days passed and he heard nothing.” No need to labour the point.

A4.3: CONSIDER VOICE: An overload of sensory information might mar the narrator’s voice and seem contrived and overly self-aware. ➡️ There’s nothing wrong with “I felt like puking” if that’s how a character would most likely convey that info.

A4.4: TELLING CAN SHOW! Removing it could obliterate hidden magic. Eg ➡️ American Psycho has reams of told prose that exposes the POV character’s obsession with material goods and with himself. The exposition is a back door to his narcissism.

Q5: How is viewpoint relevant to "Show Don't Tell"?

A5.1: With 1P and 3P-limited POVs 👁️, readers can’t access non-POV characters’ internal experiences. Showing is the back door to their emotional states – audible and visual clues that enable the POV character and reader to surmise their interior experience.

A5.2: Here’s an example from Harlan Coben’s WIN (p. 173): ➡️ “She starts fiddling with the ring on her hand.” The “she” is *not* the POV character so Coben shows us her discomfort – that she’s hiding something – rather than telling us. It's a 1P narrative but we get to access the non-POV character's emotions anyway.

Q6: What tools can an author use to help them with decisions regarding showing and telling?

A6.1: ⚙️ RHYTHMIC TOOLS such as anaphora, sentence fragments, asyndeton, polysyndeton help authors convey mood and emotion. Eg ➡️ The omission of commas in polysyndeton might convey drudgery or dizziness. Fragments might convey high alert, tension, despair, fear.

A6.2: ⚙️ PUNCTUATION AND FORMATTING TOOLS can show, eg ➡️ exclamation, volume, pauses, interruptions and emphasis so that the author needn’t also tell of exclaiming, the loudness of speech, hesitation etc.

A6.3: ⚙️ LAYOUT can help too. Eg ➡️ One-line paragraphs can do heavy-lifting when it comes to showing the order of action and its immediacy rather than telling *then* X happened, *then* Y happened. There’s an embedded wallop to a one-liner!

A6.4: ⚙️ STRONG VERBS can be quick fixes. Eg ➡️ “The rumble of traffic” shows the sound. “The sound of traffic” tells it. “Haring” shows the speed of running. “Running fast” tells it.

‘Show, don’t tell’: Resources for crime, mystery and thriller writers and fiction editors

Learn about ‘show, don’t tell’ in fiction

Articles about showing and telling in fiction

Webinars for fiction writers and editors

Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors

Preparing Your Book for Submission

Andy Maslen, bestselling crime author

/

NINA FITZPATRICK, NOVELIST, DRAMATIST & SCREENWRITER

/

Books about ‘show, don’t tell’ for authors and editors

Making Sense of ‘Show, Don’t Tell’

Hone your novel line craft

Twitter chat with ALLi on ‘show, don’t tell’