Embedded dialogue: How to capture speech memory in narrative

14/7/2025

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This post explores how to use embedded dialogue snippets and what effect they have on tone, character and flow.

In this post

Read on to find out more about:

capturing speech memory
what embedded dialogue is
when to use embedded dialogue
when active dialogue works
the difference between embedded dialogue different and free indirect speech.

Capturing speech memory

Dialogue doesn’t only happen in real time. Sometimes a character recalls what was said or what they half-heard, or they mentally echo something that was stated in the past. This is speech memory.

Done well, capturing those moments on the page enhances the reader’s experience. It can affect the mood and flow, and subtly shine a narrative light on one particular character, while still revealing how others interacted verbally with them.

What is embedded dialogue?

Embedded dialogue is reported speech or remembered lines that are woven into the narrative. The quotation marks and dialogue tags that we’d expect to see in active, real-time dialogue are omitted. Here's an example that compares the two approaches:

Active dialogue plus narrative:
“You never really see me,” he’d said. But once again, he’d made it all about him, hadn’t he?

Dialogue embedded in the narrative:
He’d told her she never really saw him. But once again, he’d made it all about him, hadn’t he?

While the reader gets the same information, the mood is different. The active-dialogue version feels punchier, more immediate. The embedded-dialogue version feels more contemplative.

When to use embedded dialogue

1. To reflect a character’s processing of a memory of speech
A remembered line can reveal emotion or motive without cutting to a flashback or breaking the scene.

Here are a couple of embedded-dialogue examples:

She'd said he was born angry. Maybe she was right.

Johnny had specifically told me not to open the bag. So why had I just done the complete opposite?

Active-dialogue versions might look like this:

“You were born angry.” That’s what she’d said. Maybe she was right.

“Don’t open the bag,” Johnny had said. So why had I just done the complete opposite?

Again, neither of these versions – the embedded or active dialogue – are right or wrong. But they do convey a different mood, and the prose flows differently. The active dialogue versions are blunter, terser and highlight different voices. The embedded dialogue is smoother and less tense, and highlights one voice.

2. To keep the focus on the viewpoint character and their present tension
Recalling memories of the spoken words can add weight to prose without shifting the spotlight away from the viewpoint character's perspective in the now.

Here are two embedded-dialogue examples:

The judge had warned him: one more slip, and that was it. This, it seemed, was the slip.

He’d told himself not to look back. That the future was what counted. A fresh start.

Active-dialogue versions might look like this:

The judge had warned him: “One more slip, and that’s it.” This, it seemed, was the slip.

“Don’t look back,” he’d said to himself. “It’s the future that counts. A fresh start.”

I think the embedded dialogue feels much more grounded in the characters’ immediate conundrums. It's their voice that shines through. The active dialogue, however, even with the pluperfect (past-perfect) speech tags, pulls the reader out of the present and shines a light on other characters' speech.

3. To avoid disruption
Long dialogue flashbacks can derail pacing. Embedded snippets allow you to fold the past into present seamlessly.

Again, here are two embedded-dialogue examples:

He remembered what the old man used to say about control – it’s only real when you don’t have it … just fear in disguise that he shouldn't obsess over.

That gumshoe detective had asked him about Denise’s whereabouts that night, what they’d talked about , what they’d eaten for dinner. Jack hadn’t paid much attention at the time – he’d no reason to doubt her. Still, thinking about it now, it was a little weird.

Now let’s turn that into active dialogue:

The old man used to say, “Control is only real when you don’t have it. It’s just fear in disguise. Try not to get obsessed with it.”

That gumshoe detective had fired questions at him: “Where was Denise that night? Can you recall what you talked about or what you ate for dinner?” Jack hadn’t paid much attention at the time – he’d no reason to doubt her. Still, thinking about it now, it was a little weird.

I think the active-dialogue versions are disruptive because the recalled speech is so lengthy and flips the focus onto the past speakers.

However, in the embedded-dialogue versions, the flow of the narrative captures the past speech but maintains the smooth flow of the prose and keeps the reader’s gaze firmly on the current viewpoint characters.

4. To add variety to how 'remembered' dialogue is displayed
Using a mixture of embedded and active dialogue can add variety to how remembered speech is displayed, making it more interesting for the reader.

Here's an example that includes both:

The last thing I wanted was to aggravate those two goons who'd trashed my apartment the previous week. Next time, they'd informed me, it wouldn't just be the dining table that got broken. It would be my legs. And my arms. "In fact, if it's attached to you and we can snap it, we will,” the beefier of the two had advised me.

Here, the two styles work with each other to capture multiple speaker voices, but in a way that still ensures the first-person narrator's immediate experience remains dominant.

When active dialogue works

Active dialogue is brilliant in the following circumstances:

A single character is recalling speech said in the past, but it’s (a) short and (b) you actively want to create a more staccato rhythm and grittier mood.
Two or more characters are interacting and it’s important to hear their words.
You want readers to interpret tone directly from the speaker’s voice rather than the narrator’s.

The difference between embedded dialogue and free indirect speech

Both free indirect speech and embedded dialogue are narrative techniques used to represent characters’ thoughts or speech, but they differ in structure and how much the narrator mediates the character's voice.

Here are two examples:

Example 1. Free indirect speech:
She walked to the window. Why was he so late? He always made her wait.

Notice how this feels more subjective. The psychic distance between the reader and the character is very close.

Free indirect speech is all about the viewpoint character and focuses on conveying what’s going on in their head now.

Example 2. Embedded dialogue:
She walked to the window, wondering why he was so late. He always said he'd be on time.

Notice how this feels a little more objective and told because of the expository filter word ‘wondering’ and ‘speech-memory indicator ‘said he’d’. The psychic distance is a little wider in this case, as if the prose is being told by the narrator.

Embedded dialogue is all about the viewpoint character’s recollection; it holds the essence of memory … that something specific was actually said in the past.

Neither is right or wrong. Instead, free indirect speech and embedded dialogue serve different purposes, and so one might work better than the other depending on what the author’s trying to achieve.

Summing up

Embedded dialogue snippets let you carry the weight of past speech without quoting every line. Use them to deepen character, maintain narrative flow and give your prose a more intimate texture.

When done well, embedded dialogue allows the past to echo through to the present, shaping motive and mood without slowing the action. It’s not just about what was said, but how your viewpoint character remembers it.

Other resources you might like

Dialogue resource centre
Editing Fiction at Sentence Level (book)
Fiction editing courses
How to Edit Slurs in Dialogue (multimedia online course)
How to Punctuate Dialogue (multimedia online course)
How to Line Edit for Suspense (multimedia online course)
Narrative Distance: A Toolbox for Writers and Editors (multimedia online course)
Style Sheets for Fiction Editing (multimedia online course)
Switching to Fiction (multimedia online course)

About Louise

Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.

She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.