|
Learn how to compress your thrillers and crime fiction writing with strong verbs that convey motion, emotion and pace.
What is a verb?
A verb is a word that describes an action or a state of being. For example:
Strong and weak verbs
There are different ways of classifying verbs from a grammatical point of view, but this article uses the terms ‘strong’ and ‘weak’ to describe stylistic impact.
Strong verbs Strong verbs carry the action all by themselves without needing help from other words to make the sentence convey energy and momentum. A precise, vivid verb can replace a string of modifiers. It makes a line faster and sharper, and can trigger a sense of immediacy, danger, tension or suspense in the reader. Weak verbs Weak verbs are vaguer or more generalized, and often rely on help from additional description to explain the action. They tend to slow the pace down. There’s room for both There’s no such thing as ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ when it comes to writing. Strong and weak verbs both have their place. Instead, the writer can make a choice based on the mood they want to create in the scene and how they want the reader to feel in that moment. A comparison of strong and weak verbs
Take a look at the following comparative examples of phrases. They show how a carefully placed strong verb can show rather than tell us something. For example:
In the first sentence, there’s a verbal phrase in play – ‘tried to pull open’. Those four words create a distance between the character and what they’re doing. We focus on the ‘trying’ rather than on the connection between the character’s hands and the drawer. The pace feels gentler, slower, less immediate.
By replacing that verbal phrase with a single strong verb – ‘yanked’ – the action is more immediate. But there’s emotion being conveyed in that action too:
And those emotional undercurrents imply that the character is under pressure, perhaps feeling frustrated, angry or fearful (depending on the scene’s context). In other words, the stronger verb shows the character’s effort through action rather than explanation.
Create immediacy by adjusting filler verbs
Look out for filler verbs in your crime and thriller writing. These act more like padding than action, and sit in the sentence without contributing much.
Common examples include: was, were, seemed, appeared, began, trying and started. These constructions add extra words without adding tension. Writers can create momentum in action scenes by making just small alterations. Here, we’re not talking about changing the verb to a different one, but modifying what we’ve got. Take a look at these examples:
In each of the three pairs above, removal of the filler verb in favour of a tighter revision makes the action feel as if it’s happening now. For the reader, that’s a more immersive experience.
Create impact by interrogating adverbs
Sometimes a writer will use adverbs to intensify the emotion or tension in a sentence.
Adverbs are words that describe or modify verbs (in the same way that adjectives describe or modify nouns). In these next examples, most of the verbs are weak, and it’s the adverb that’s doing the heavy lifting.
I’d never suggest obliterating every single adverb or adverbial phrase from a piece of prose – regardless of what genre the author’s writing in – but I do think robust editing requires us to consider whether those adverbs are creating momentum and energy.
This is particularly important in dramatic scenes, of which there are often plenty in crime fiction, mysteries and thrillers. We want the reader in the moment with the perspective character’s movement, not fighting with the words that describe it. Since the verb is where the action actually happens, it makes sense to interrogate whether readers are being distracted from it. In the examples above, the writer has the opportunity to consider whether a stronger verb might offer precision that shows what the adverb is telling – which means they can ditch the adverb. Here’s what that revision might look like when we use stronger verbs that combine movement and emotion:
Now the sentences are tighter and more engaging.
Making movement thrilling with strong verbs
Crime fiction and thrillers rely on movement – there might be pursuits, fights, discoveries and escapes. And in all those cases, verbs need to carry that movement in a way that captures emotion.
Instead of weaker neutral verbs like went, looked or moved, think about whether verbs that imply force, violence, emotional state or speed might be more effective. Compare the following:
Careful choices allow writers (or their editors) to capture an entire mood in a single verb.
Practise control with a verb-intensity ladder
One way to hone your verb-choosing skills is to build intensity ladders. These help you see how different words, which mean a similar thing, affect the emotional intensity and urgency of a scene.
To be clear, this isn’t about ranking verbs in order of what’s right or wrong or good or bad, but about controlling the impact you want to have on the reader. Here’s an example where the intensity level moves from calm to extreme. The action we’re considering involves the opening of a door.
Door-opening intensity ladder
Here’s another example. This time the action involves the act of moving away from a situation.
Moving-away intensity ladder
When you pick verbs that are lower in intensity, the tension will be quieter and the pace slower. When you choose verbs that are higher in intensity, the tension will be more acute and the pace faster.
What works best in any particular scene will depend on the context, but the point is that just one verb helps you turn up or turn down the dial and control motion, emotion and pace. A tip for editing verbs
If you’re a writer who’s self-editing, or a professional editor providing support for an author, try this exercise. Ask yourself:
Summing up
When looking at word choices in crime fiction and thriller writing, think about which verbs act as controlled triggers for motion, emotion and pace.
The power lies in choosing something that already carries the meaning, because then there’s no need to add adverbials and filler. About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
1 Comment
If you’re a UK-based freelance editor or proofreader who still hasn’t decided how to deal with Making Tax Digital, here’s how one of your colleagues solved the problem by using a bridging service.
In this post ...
A caveat
I’m a professional editorial business owner, not a tax expert. The information I’ve provided below is what I’ve picked up on my MTD journey, and I've done my best to ensure it’s correct at the time of writing (April 2026).
If you’re in any doubt about your own tax position, speak to an accountant. There’s lots of information at GOV.UK too. What is Making Tax Digital?
Making Tax Digital (MTD) is the UK government’s attempt to drag tax reporting out of spreadsheets and shoeboxes and into the twenty-first century.
MTD means we, as UK-based sole traders, have to keep digital records and file updates using compatible software several times a year. The idea is to make things more accurate, reduce errors and cut down on last-minute annual panics. Personally, I wasn’t panicked by the traditional system. And I was more than happy managing my finances in a spreadsheet … And with submitting my tax return via HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC)’s online self-assessment gateway … And with doing that just once a year … And at zero cost to me. I’m starting to sound like a grouch, but I promise I’ll be sharing the low-cost solution I found below! When does MTD start?
MTD is already up and running for self-employed people who are earning over a particular income threshold. Those who don’t meet that threshold will have a year’s grace.
Still, you might qualify to join the scheme early, and that could be a good option for anyone wanting to get to grips with it ahead of time so there’s no last-minute rush. How often do we have to file with MTD?
With MTD we have to submit what HMRC calls quarterly updates.
The key thing we all need to bear in mind is that these updates are cumulative. We’re not doing four separate mini-returns. Think of it as a rolling picture that builds across the year. If your financial year starts on 6 April, the deadlines will be as follows:
At the end of the year, there's an End of Period Statement (EOPS) that, says HMRC, ‘confirms the figures for the full year and allows accounting adjustments such as capital allowances or basis period adjustments’. Then there’s the final declaration (which replaces the self-assessment tax return), and that’s due by 31 January following the end of the tax year. What all this means is that there are way more touchpoints but no change to when your financial year starts or when the final bill gets sorted. What is a bridging service?
Given that I was already perfectly happy with using a spreadsheet, then submitting my tax returns digitally, and not spending a bean in the process, I absolutely didn’t want to fork out for an accountant four times a year or expensive software.
For that reason, last year I started exploring affordable bridging services. A bridging service for MTD acts a bit like a translator between your existing records and HMRC’s systems. If, like me, you’re still recording your income and expenses in spreadsheets, those spreadsheets aren’t set up to talk directly to HMRC. That’s where bridging software comes in. It bridges the gap by taking the figures from your spreadsheet and submitting them to HMRC in the right digital format. And that allows you to stay compliant with MTD without ditching the way you already work. In practice, it means:
So, if you’re happy with spreadsheets, like I am, and don’t want to move to full accounting services just yet (or ever!), a bridging service can be a handy halfway house. Why I chose 123sheets
My research led me to sign up with 123sheets. Here's why I chose them:
To be clear, there’s no financial benefit for me by telling you about this company. I’m simply sharing the choice I made with you, and the reasons behind it, so that anyone who’s feeling a bit flummoxed, and who’s a spreadsheet user like me, might feel a bit more reassured that there are user-friendly options out there. There’ll be plenty of other UK-based professionals in our industry who've already opted (or will opt) for other methods with different providers. Preparation tips for using bridging services
Here are some tips to help you prepare if you decide to go down the bridging-software route.
Choose a good-fit provider
Prep your spreadsheet
Sign up for MTD
Shift your mindset
Wrapping up
Change can be hard for busy business owners, especially when we can’t immediately see how the outcomes benefit us. That’s how MTD is making a lot of self-employed people feel.
However, by getting organised, and selecting tools and providers who can help us keep things ticking over smoothly, I'm confident that MTD can be just another a bit of admin rather than a headache. About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
Learn how to manage scope creep and set healthy boundaries in your editing and proofreading work.
Summary of Episode 154
Listen to find out more about:
Listen to the episodeSupport The Editing Podcast
Music credit
'Vivacity’ by Kevin MacLeod
Explore seven effective types of thriller opening lines, and how published novelists are using them to convince their audiences to keep on reading.
In this article
The recognizable patterns in thriller opening lines
The opening line of a thriller has a difficult job. In a single sentence it must capture attention and convince readers that the story is worth their time.
While great first lines vary in style, there are some recognizable patterns. Understanding these can help writers craft first sentences that hook readers immediately. Below we’ll look at seven types of thriller opening lines – each illustrated with examples from published novels – and examine why they work and what writers can learn from them. What these opening lines have in common
Despite their differences, superb thriller first lines usually share several notable qualities:
1. First-line focus on a pursuit
Some thrillers begin with motion already underway: someone is chasing, escaping or searching.
Example: The Gunslinger, Stephen King (Hodder Paperback edition, 2003)
Why it works
Readers are thrust straight into the middle of a high-stakes chase. In a single line, we sense the tension: one character fleeing, another in pursuit. The sentence immediately conveys motion, suspense and intrigue, and prompts questions like: Who are these figures and what is at stake? NOTABLE QUALITIES: Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Momentum Lesson for writers Movement signals urgency. Starting with that signals that the story is already underway and that the reader has arrived in the middle of something important. 2. First-line focus on psychological mindset
These first lines hook readers by revealing a shocking fact, personal truth or secret. They often feel rather confessional create powerful psychological intrigue because they invite readers into a character’s headspace.
Example 1: Dark Places, Gillian Flynn (Phoenix edition, 2010)
Why it works
The opening plunges readers into the narrator’s psyche, exposing an unsettling inner darkness before any plot events occur. This early insight builds psychological tension, making us question the narrator’s reliability and wonder how their mindset will shape the story. NOTABLE QUALITIES: Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Voice Example 2: The Martian, Andy Weir (Del Rey edition, 2014)
Why it works
In those first four words, the narrator signals that disaster has struck. The candid, no-nonsense tone generates immediate suspense, encouraging readers to ask: What has happened? How will the character cope? NOTABLE QUALITIES: Stakes | Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Voice Lesson for writers Confessional first lines can draw readers directly into a character’s predicament or provide striking psychological insight in just a few words. These two examples are also good reminders that a strong narrative voice can be just as compelling as action or a crime. 3. First-line focus on a shocking statement
A bold or disturbing statement can grab readers immediately, forcing them to confront moral tension or danger.
Example: I Will Find You, Harlan Coben (Penguin edition, 2023)
Why it works
A single, startling sentence conveys both shock and intrigue. It instantly raises questions and emotional stakes. Readers want to understand the circumstances that led the narrator, speaking directly to us, to this moment. NOTABLE QUALITIES: Stakes | Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Voice | Momentum Lesson for writers A single unexpected statement can create a powerful hook if it suggests a deeper story. 5. First-line focus on a crime or transgression
Some thrillers’ opening lines reveal a crime or transgression that has already occurred or is in progress.
Example: Paradise, Toni Morrison (Vintage edition, 1999)
Why it works
The sentence is shocking, violent and blunt, though we’re not given any context. That ambiguity forces readers to ask questions: Who are ‘they’? Who are the other girls that it’s implied are also going to be shot? Why have these girls been targeted? NOTABLE QUALITIES: Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Momentum Lesson for writers Introducing the crime early tells readers exactly what kind of story they’re entering. 6. First-line focus on the environment
Some thrillers begin by establishing an unsettling atmosphere.
Example 1: Neuromancer, William Gibson (Gateway edition, 2016)
Why it works
This line uses a striking image to establish a bleak, dystopian environment. It signals that the world of the story may feel strange or unsettling. NOTABLE QUALITIES: Tension or conflict | Voice Example 2: The Day of the Jackal, Frederick Forsyth (Arrow edition, 2011)
Why it works
This opening sentence starts with information about the weather and the time. It could have been dull, but the author uses it as an artful anchor for the life‑or‑death clause that follows. The stark, cold setting mirrors the flat, cold voice, as if the narrator has accepted the inevitability of the execution. NOTABLE QUALITIES: Stakes | Tension or conflict | Voice Lesson for writers A vivid or unusual image can establish tone while creating curiosity about the setting. And environmental information can be highly effective as long as it’s used to amplify a character’s mood. 7. First-line focus on foreboding
This type of opening signals that something terrible has already happened, or is about to happen.
Example 1: Everybody Knows, Jordan Harper (Faber & Faber edition, 2023)
Why it works
In just three stark words, this first line establishes a vivid, ominous setting that suggests chaos and danger. Something catastrophic is happening in a familiar city, and readers want to know what caused it and what the consequences will be. NOTABLE QUALITIES: Stakes | Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Momentum Example 2: Gone Before Goodbye, Harlan Coben and Reese Witherspoon (Penguin, 2026)
Why it works
In just five words, this line creates immediate tension. By emphasizing what the narrator doesn’t hear, it heightens the sense of unseen danger. The absence of sound signals that something is amiss, prompting readers to ask: What’s happening, and what threat lurks nearby? NOTABLE QUALITIES: Curiosity | Tension or conflict | Momentum Lesson for writers Opening lines that imply catastrophe, danger or abnormality can be incredibly effective. By hinting that something is wrong, rather than explaining it immediately, activate the reader’s curiosity and tension, and compel them to keep going. Summing up
A thriller’s first line doesn’t have to feature explosions or violence. What matters is that it avoids the mundane.
That means encouraging questions and making the reader feel something – for example shock, surprise, disgust, fear, confusion – so that they want to continue beyond the opening sentence and into the rest of the story. About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
Explore 10 weak thriller opening lines and learn how to turn them into compelling hooks that grab the reader, set the tone and hint at something that piques their curiosity.
The weight carried by the opening line
The opening line of a mystery or thriller carries an enormous amount of weight. In just a few words, it has to hook the reader, set the tone and indicate a problem or predicament that will pique the reader’s interest.
Manuscripts with first lines that feature routine description, backstory or everyday dialogue can feel flat rather than gripping. In this article, we’ll look at 10 examples of weak first lines, explain why they don’t work, and show how small revisions can turn them into compelling hooks. If you’re writing a mystery, crime novel or psychological thriller, these examples will help you craft a first sentence that immediately grabs readers … and keeps them wanting to read. Example 1: Generic description
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
The description is generic and objective. There’s no character, no tension and no intrigue. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
The objectivity remains, but now the reader is immediately introduced to a crime – one that makes us ask questions: Whose body? How did they die? And by whose hand? Example 2: Routine activity
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
While there’s a human being involved in this line, Harris’s actions are mundane. The sentence is front loaded with activity related to where he sits. Even though a murder weapon is mentioned, that’s not particularly interesting given the detective’s job. There’s no reason for us to do anything with this line than skim over it. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
Now there’s a conundrum for us to consider – the familiarity of the weapon. This creates a pressure point for Harris, and a mystery that readers want an explanation for. Example 3: Focus on backstory
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
The focus here is on the past rather than the present, and that backstory is generalised and mundane. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
Now there’s momentum. The word ‘first’ introduces foreshadowing – readers will assume that there’s more than one dead body. The mention of proximity to a named character forces us to wonder about her role: Is Martha a potential victim, too, or is she a transgressor? Example 4: No intrigue
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
So what? the reader might think. Waking up early in the morning is not intriguing. It’s commonplace. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
Now there’s immediate tension. The word ‘someone’ implies that another person entering the house is unexpected. And yet ‘unlocking’ suggests they have a key. That leads to readers asking questions: Who’s in his space? Should they be there? Is John in danger? Example 5: Vague observation
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
This line tells us readers nothing about why they should care about this peaceful place, nor why they should carry on reading about it. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
The revised line is still told from an objective perspective, and the peacefulness has been left intact. However, that information is now sharply juxtaposed with a shocking discovery. Using contrast helps to create surprise and intrigue. Example 6: Dull dialogue
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
This is mundane speech – the kind of thing millions of people say to each other at times and spaces across the entire planet. It won’t compel a reader to continue. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
Now we have an instant mystery. Readers will wonder what the ‘it’ is that Tom didn’t do, and they’ll want to know why he’s doubting himself. Example 7: Tensionless thoughts
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
There’s no pressure point in this character thought. It’s skimmable information. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
Now we understand the possible emotional stakes in play. Maybe this information comes as a horrific shock to Emily. Or maybe it will be revealed that she killed him. It actually doesn’t matter. All that’s important is that this is personal, and the reader will be invested in understanding why. Example 8: Boring environment
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
The description feels flat and doesn’t convey any personality or tension. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
Now we have an anonymous narrator with a clear agenda. While the motive is as yet unclear, which creates suspense, the tone is distinctly menacing. Readers will be wondering who this character is and what Flint’s done to evoke such anger. Example 9: Flat impact
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
This at least introduces an interesting premise – that of the return of a missing person. However, it feels a little flat and lacks impact. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
In the revised version, the missing person has a name. And by leading with punchy description of how long Flowers has been missing for, the follow-up clause about her unexpected return creates shock and intrigue. Example 10: No threat
Weak first line
Why it’s ineffective
While the use of a second-person narrative hints at voyeurism, there’s nothing in that line that indicates anything’s out of whack. Suggested improvement
Why the revision helps
The expository information about the mailbox, envelope and photograph are still there, as is the voyeuristic narration. However, by giving readers a small nudge about what’s in that image, there’s an imminent sense of threat. Summing up
A great opening line to any thriller or mystery usually does at least one of these things:
If these aren't evident in your first line, it’s worth revisiting. About Louise Harnby
Louise Harnby is a line editor, copyeditor and proofreader who specializes in working with crime, mystery, suspense and thriller writers.
She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and co-hosts The Editing Podcast.
|
BLOG ALERTS
Sign up for blog alerts!
NEWSLETTER
Sign up for The Editorial Letter.
EDITOR RESOURCES
BOOKS FOR EDITORS AND WRITERS
TRAINING COURSES FOR EDITORS
TESTIMONIALS
'I love the clean impact you've brought to my writing'
Thomas R Weaver 'The voyage through your edits is an intellectual and craft adventure' Dan Flanigan 'I'm a better writer because you edited my book' Rich Leder 'You are by far the best literary editor I've had' Nina Fitzpatrick 'I wholeheartedly recommend her services ... Just don’t hire her when I need her' Jeff Carson 'Sincere thanks for a beautiful and elegant piece of work. First class' JB Turner CATEGORIES
All
ARCHIVES
May 2026
|
RSS Feed
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
© 2011–2026 Louise Harnby